
Class KLll/_ 

Book 

Copyright N° 

COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT: 




MND.MINAUV * rp ffWCACa. 



AMERICAN 



ETIQUETTE 



RULES OF POLITENESS 



Rev. A. B. PHILPUTT, A. B. 



ASSISTED BY 



Prof. WALTER R. HOUGHTON, A. M. ; Prof. JAMES K. BECK, A. B. 

Prof. JAMES A. WOODBURN, A. B.; Prof. HORACE R. 

HOFFMAN, A. B.; A. E. DAVIS; and 

Mrs. W. R. HOUGHTON. 

2.T ' 



sn° 






ILLUSTRATE^ 



INDIANAPOLIS, IND. • 
^. E. DAVIS, PUBLISHER, 

1882. 



<J 1 ' 



y 



v^* 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1882, by 

BAND, McNALLY & CO., 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 



■ RAND, McNALLY & CO., 
Printers, Engrayers and Electrotypers, 
148, 150, 152 and 154 Monroe Street, 
CHICAGO. 



PREFACE. 



The design of this work is to furnish ample and 
satisfactory information on all those subjects that are 
embraced under the word "Etiquette," to the end that 
the readers may have before them the best thoughts 
on the topics for consideration. 

The classification of the work is such that, by aid 
of the Table of Contents, the place where any 
topic or sub-topic is treated, can be found almost 
instantaneously. 

In addition to the subject matter properly belonging 

) Etiquette, there is given much kindred information 

)llated from the most reliable sources. 

That the book might be prepared in the best manner, 
nd free from the impress of one man's views, a 
number of writers have been selected, whose education 
and opportunities render them peculiarly fitted for 
treating the subjects on which they have written. In 
this way we are enabled to furnish the ladies and 
gentlemen of America with the most complete work on 
Etiquette that has yet been presented to the public. 

Indianapolis, Ind., January 2, 1882. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

THE VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 

Intrinsic value — Exchangeable value — Value to society — Value to 
gentlemen — Value to ladies — Value to the rich — Value to the mid- 
dle classes — Value to the poor — Value to various kinds of business 
— Value to churches — Value to governments and nations — Sum- 
mary ; • 13 

CHAPTER II. 

POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 

Politeness — Home manners — Occasions for politeness — Rule of 
politeness — The true gentleman — The true gentlewoman — Little 
things — Advantages of good manners — Our manners show what 
we are 21 

CHAPTER III. 

SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

Civility — Education — Information — Character — Differences in social 
intercourse , 31 

CHAPTER IV. 

HOME, AND HOME ETIQUETTE. 

Have a home to yourself — Companionship of husband and wife — 
Politeness at home — Good manners at home — Correct taste — Value 
of manners 37 

CHAPTER V. 

CULTURE AT HOME. 

The mother's influence — Honesty — Industry — Self-respect — Quarrel- 
ing and complaining — "In honor preferring one another" — Obedi- 
ence — Reading — Literature — Books — A library — Neatness — Good 
language — Religious culture — Pursuit in life 43 

CHAPTER VI. 

ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

Affectation — The young lady in society ; Dress — Affected conversa- 
tion — Gossiping — Seek good society — Modesty — The young man in 

society ; Dress — Demeanor — Money 55 

(5) 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



CHAPTER VII. 

INTRODUCTIONS. 

General introduction — Introduction a social indorsement — Introduction 
of a gentleman to a lady — Introduction without ceremony — How to 
give an introduction — Introduction during calls — Introduction of 
relatives — Mentioning titles — Necessary introductions — Claims of 
an introduction — Recognition — The "cut" — Introduction on the 
street — Introduction of one's self — Shaking* hands on introduction 

— Written introductions — Delivering letters of introduction — Duty 
of person addressed — Business letters of introduction 61 

CHAPTER VIII. 

SALUTATIONS AND GREETINGS. 

Kinds of salutations — The bow — Salutation of the young to the old 

— Avoidance of recognition — Bowing on promenades or in driving 

— Words of greeting — Shaking hands — The kiss — The kiss of 
friendship — Kissing in public 7'd 

CHAPTER IX. 

CONVERSATION. 

Address in conversation — Cultivating the memory — Correct talking — 
Requisites for a good talker — Vulgarisms — The habit of listening — 
Cheerfulness and animation — Compliments — Small talk — Flattery 

— Satire and ridicule — Titles — Adaptability in conversation — How 
a husband should speak of his wife — How a lady should speak of her 
husband — Impertinent questions — Vulgar exclamations — Convers- 
ing with ladies — Things to be avoided 79 

CHAPTER X. 

TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

General importance — Cheerfulness of dining-room — Training of chil- 
dren — Rules of table etiquette 89 

CHAPTER XI. 

STREET ETIQUETTE. 

General observations ■ — Ostentation — Salutations — Whom to recognize 

— The first to bow — "Cutting" — Keep to the right — Inquisitiveness 

— Keeping step — Lady and gentleman walking together — Walking 
arm-in-arm — Stopping people on the street — Where to look — Shop- 
ping etiquette — Etiquette for public conveyances — Joining a lady 
on the street — Carrying packages — Opening the door — Answering 
questions — Street loafing — Smoking — Who goes first — Street man- 
ners of a lady — Asking and receiving favors — Avoiding carriages — 
Street acquaintances — Walking alone in evening ■ 95 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER XII. 



TRAVELING. 



Introductory remarks — Duties of an escort — Duty of a lady to her 
escort — One lady may escort another — Lady traveling alone — 
Comfort and wants of others — Forming acquaintances — Retaining 
possession of a seat — Occupying too many seats 105 

CHAPTER XIII. 

RIDING AND DRIVING. 

Learning to ride — The gentleman's duty as an escort — Assisting a lady 
to mount — Assisting a lady to alight from her horse — Riding with 
ladies — Driving and carriage etiquette Ill 

CHAPTER XIV. 

ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC PLACES. 

Importance of subject — Conduct in public conveyances — Conduct in 

' church — Conduct in a public hall — Conduct at public exhibits, fairs, 

picture galleries, etc 119 

CHAPTER XV. 

ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 

Introductory — Formal calls — Morning calls — Evening calls — Choos- 
ing a day — Rising to welcome a guest — Giving the hand — Intro- 
ductions — Conversation — Show no partiality — Employment while 
receiving — Refreshments — Engaged, or "Not at home" — Regrets 
for Not at home — Keeping callers waiting — Use of visiting cards — 
Hat, umbrella, gloves and overcoat — Waiting in the parlor — Taking 
a seat — Length of call — Looking at watch — Laying aside the bon- 
net — Leave-taking — Arrival and departure of others — Conversation 
without introduction — Falling among strangers — Cutting calls short 
— Calling in companies — Taking a friend with you — Taking chil- 
dren and pets with you — Calling on a friend who has a visitor — 
Calling upon an invalid — Lady calling on a gentleman — Calling on 
a person at lodgings — Calls after a party — Return of a friend — The 
first call — Returning a first call — Cards and calls of strangers — 
Calls made by card — P. P. C. calls — Calls of congratulation — Visits 
of condolence — Friendly calls — Calls at summer resorts — New 
Year calls 127 

CHAPTER XVI. 

ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 

Introductory observations — Accepting invitations to visit — Unexpected 
visits — Length of visit — Announcing length of visit — Conform 
to habits of the house — Noticing unpleasant matters — Acquiesce 



8 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

in plans of host — Invitations to visitor and host— Little trouble 
as possible — Keep room neat — Helping the hostess — Leaving 
hostess to herself — True hospitality — Urging guests to stay — Leave- 
taking 141 

CHAPTER XVII. 

RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 

' ' Morning receptions " — Dress — Refreshments — Invitations — Musical 
matinees — Country parties — Sunday hospitalities — Five o'clock tea, 
coffee and kettle-drums — More formal entertainments — Balls — Prep- 
arations for a ball — The music — The dances — Introductions at a ball 

— Receiving guests — An after-call — Supper — The number to invite 

— Duties of guests — Suggestions for gentlemen — Duties of an escort 

— Rules for ihe ball room 147 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

DINNERS. 

Invitations to dinner parties — Time — Entertainment — Setting the 
table — Number to invite — Going to dinner — Attendants — Rules for 
eating 161 

CHAPTER XIX. 

HIGHER CULTURE OP WOMEN. 

The true woman — Force of character needed — Purity required — 
Need of energy and independence — Girlhood a preparation for 
womanhood 175 

CHAPTER XX. 

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 

A gentleman's conduct toward young ladies — A lady's conduct toward 
young gentlemen — Hasty proposals — Thorough acquaintance before 
marriage — Unknown correspondents — Proper manner of courtship — 
Parents oversight of their daughters — Vigilance required by parents 

— Requirements for a happy marriage — Do not press an unwelcome 
suit — A lady's first refusal — The rejected suitor — Engagement ring 

— Position of an engaged woman — Position of an engaged man — 
Relations of an engaged couple — Breaking an engagement 185 

CHAPTER XXL 

ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

The bridesmaids and groomsmen — The bridal costume — Costumes of 
the bridegroom and ushers — Presents of the bride and bridegroom 

— Ceremonials when there are no ushers or bridesmaids — The latest 
ceremonials — The ushers' duties — Weddings at home — Evening 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 9 

wedding — The wedding ring — Invitations — Requirements of brides- 
maids and ushers — Bridal presents — Arrangements for the ceremonies 

— Calls 197 

CHAPTER XXII. 

RULES OF CONDUCT. 

Gracefulness — Awkwardness of attitude — Our moods — Gossip and 
tale-bearing — A good listener — Coughing, sneezing, etc. — Removing 
the hat — Talking of personalities — Unfavorable opinions — A 
woman's good name — Keeping engagements — Do not contradict — 
Speaking persons' names — Playing and singing in society — Smoking 
—The breath — Emotion — Do not recall an invitation — Treatment of 
inferiors — A checked conversation — Adapt yourself to others — In- 
truding on privacy — A lady driving with a gentleman — Be moderate 

— Anecdotes, puns and repartees — Precedence to' others — Vulgar 
acts — General rules — Washington's maxims 207 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

ANNIVERSARIES. 

The paper, cotton and leather weddings — The wooden wedding — The 
tin wedding — The crystal wedding — The floral wedding — The silver 
wedding — The pearl wedding — The china wedding — The coral 
wedding — The bronze wedding — The golden wedding — The 
diamond wedding — Presents at anniversary weddings — Invitations 
to anniversary weddings — The marriage cermony 225 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

THE TOILET. 

The bath — The skin — Freckles — Moles — Other disfigurements — 
Perfumes — The teeth — Deca} T ed teeth — Tartar on the teeth — Foul 
breath — The feet — Treatment of fetid perspiration of the feet — 
To protect the feet in walking — Treatment for chilblains and frosted 
feet — The toe nails — Treatment for corns — The hand — Chapped 
hands — "Warts — The nails and moist hands — The eyes — Short- 
sightedness — Squint-eyes and cross-eyes — Rules to be observed in 
use of eyes — Inflamed eyes — Sty on the eyelid — Eyebrows and 
lashes — To give brilliancy to the eyes — The hair. 235 

CHAPTER XXV. 



Consistency in dress — Extravagance in dress — Indifference to dress — 
Appropriate dress — Gloves — Evening dress for gentlemen — Morn- 
ing dress for gentlemen — Jewelry for gentlemen — Evening dress for 
ladies — Ball dress — The full dinner dress — Dress of hostess at a 
dinner party — Showy dress — Dress for receiving calls — Carriage 
dress — Visiting costumes — Dress for morning calls — Morning dress 



10 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

for street — The promenade dress — Opera dress — The riding dress — 
A walking suit — Dress for ladies of business — Ordinary evening dress 

— Dress for social party — Dress for church — Dress for the theatre — 
Dress for lecture and concert — Croquet, archery and skating costumes 

— Bathing costume — Traveling dress — The wedding dress — Dress 
of bridesmaids — Traveling dress of a bride — Dress at wedding recep- 
tions — Mourning — Periods of wearing mourning 257 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

PRESENTS. 

Costly presents — Most suitable presents — Gifts to. ladies — Gifts by 
ladies — A gentleman's present to his betrothed — Gifts beyond one's 
means — Receiving a gift — Referring to gifts 275 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

BUSINESS. 

General rules for business 279 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

HARMONY OF COLORS IN DRESS. 

Introductory remarks — Enumeration of colors that harmonize .... 283- 
CHAPTER XXIX. 

LETTER WRITING. 

Paper — Envelopes — Ink — Heading — Models of heading — The intro- 
duction — Models of introductions — Body of the letter — The con- 
clusion — Models of conclusion — Folding — The superscription — 
Models of superscription — The stamp — Completed models — A letter 
of introduction — Family letters — Letters of friendship — The busi- 
ness letter — Models for brief business letters — Notes, drafts, bills 
and receipts — Letters of congratulation and condolence — The love 
letter — Replies — Rules of epistolary composition 291 

CHAPTER XXX. 

NOTES. 

Style — French phrases — Invitations — Wedding invitations — An- 
nouncements — Anniversary weddings, dinners, parties, receptions and 
balls — Acceptances and regrets — Superscription and delivery. . . 325 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 11 



CHAPTER XXXI. 

CARDS. 

Calling cards — Models of visiting and calling cards — Card to serve for 
calls — A card enclosed in an envelope — Size and style — Cards for 
mother and daughter — Wedding cards — P. P. C. cards — Leave 
cards in making first calls — Leave cards after an invitation — A bride- 
groom's card — Model cards 337 

CHAPTER XXXII 

FUNERALS. 

Invitation to a funeral — Funeral arrangements — The house of mourn 
ing — Funeral services — The pull-bearers — Order of the procession 

— Floral decorations — Calls upon the bereaved family — Habili- 
ments of mourning 345 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 

Introductory statement — The President — Receptions at the White 
House — Presidential State dinners — Members of the Presidential 
family — New year's receptions at the White House — Order of official 
rank — Cabinet officers — Senators and representatives 353 

CHAPTER XXXIV. 

FOREIGN TITLES. 

Introductory remarks — Royalty — The nobility — The gentry — Esquire 

— Imperial rank — European titles 359 

CHAPTER XXXV. 

GAMES, SPORTS AND AMUSEMENTS. 

General etiquette of games — Chess — Archery — Implements — Archery 
clubs — Ladies' costume — Boating — Lawn tennis — Picnics — Eti- 
quette of card playing 363 

CHAPTER XXXVI. 

LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 

Introduction — Tabulated statements 375 

CHAPTER XXXVII. 

PRECIOUS STONES. 

Introduction — Enumeration of precious stones 393 



12 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



CHAPTER XXXVIII. 

TOILET RECIPES. 

To beautify the hair — To eleanse the hair — To remove dandruff — To 
preserve the hair — To prevent the hair from turning gray — Cure for 
baldness — To restore gray hair — Hair removed by fevers — Tonic for 
the hair — Curling and crimping the hair — Brushing the hair — The 
German's treatment of the hair — Hair dye — Hair oils and pomades — 
For inflamed eyelids — Burned eyebrows — How to make bandoline — 
For the care of the teeth — To clean black teeth — To clean the teeth 
and gums — To beautify the teeth — Toothache preventive — Wash 
for the teeth — To make lip salve — Remedy for chapped lips — Lotion 
to remove freckles — To remove sunburn — Tan — Freckles — For 
the complexion — Pimples on the face -*- Flesh worms — Soft skin — 
Complexion wash — To prevent the face from chapping after shaving 
— To make cold cream — To remove wrinkles — To remove stains from 
the hands — For chapped hands — To whiten the hands and arms — 
To whiten the ringer nails — Remedy for ringworm — Perspiration — 
To ward off mosquitoes — For soft corns — To remove corns — In- 
growing toe nails — To remove warts — Remedy for chilblains — To 
remove stains and spots from silk — To -remove spots of pitch and 
tar — To extract paint from garments — To remove stains from white 
cotton goods — To remove grease spots — To remove grease spots 
from woolen goods — To remove ink spots from linen — To remove 
fruit stains — To take mildew out of linen — To clean silks and 
ribbons — To wash lace collars — How to whiten linen — To clean 
woolen — To clean kid gloves — To clean kid boots — To clean patent 
leather boots — For burnt kid or leather shoes — To clean jewelry — 
For cleaning silver and plated ware — How ladies can make their 
own perfumes — Tincture of roses — Pot-pourri — How to make rose 
water — Putting away furs for the summer — Protection against 
moths — To remove a tight ring — To loosen stoppers of toilet 
bottles 395 




AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




CHAPTER I. 
VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 

INTRINSIC VALUE. 

'O estimate the real value of etiquette, 
decorum, or good manners, is to 
measure the breadth and scope of 
modern civilization. That culture 
only is valuable which smooths the 
rough places, harmonizes the imper- 
fections, and develops the pure, the 
good and the gentle in human character. 
The revenge of the savage, the rough- 
ness of the barbarous, and the rudeness 
of even some who claim to be civilized, 
are all lost in the good will and suavity 
of gentle manners. The efficiency and 
usefulness of a liberal education are 
dwarfed unless developed under the 
genial influence of proper decorum. The actual 
worth, then, of politeness is such as to make every 
one who would be refined and cultured seek to culti 

(13) 



14 ' AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

vate it to such an extent as to make it practical in all 
the walks of life. 

EXCHANGEABLE VALUE. 

" A man's manners are his fortune," is a saying as 
true as it is old, as valuable as it is true. Many com- 
modities are exchangeable, and money is the pivot 
upon which they turn. This is not less true of good 
manners than it is of the theories of the political econ- 
omist. Who will number the times fortune has smiled 
upon penniless men who have had a good countenance 
and a pleasing address at their command ? Gfood man- 
ners are made a leading business qualification in all 
pursuits. Neither sex is exempt, and the best posi- 
tions with the fattest salaries are always commanded 
by the best mannered, most courteous individuals. 
Then, as an avenue to wealth and position, good 
manners constitute a desirable acquisition. 

VALUE TO SOCLETY.. 

What is called society would be impossible were it 
not for the laws and usages of etiquette. So many 
interests are to be served — some to be protected, 
others to be restrained, and still others to be allowed 
the privilege of growth and expansion — that all these 
could not be done without some acknowledged stand- 
ard of action, of which all may acquire some informa- 
tion both on entering and while in society. The best 
manners are to be found in the society of the good, 
and they are only the outgrowth of what is actually 
essential to regulate intercourse among such people. 
Man can not do without society, and society can not 
be maintained without customs and laws; therefore 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 15 

we have only to think of the mistakes, the heart-burn- 
ings and the mortifications which are the experience 
of the unrefined and ill-mannered, to see how valuable 
to society is a knowledge of the rules of decorum. 

VALUE TO GENTLEMEN. 

The name gentleman indicates one who is gentle, 
mild, even-tempered. Some are born so, and will 
naturally exercise these qualities in having to do with 
their fellows. Many have these qualities to acquire, 
and some, at least, have to use them as a cloak to gain 
admission to circles otherwise closed against them. 
The polished way, smooth speech and easy bearing of 
a complete gentleman pleasurably affect any company 
of persons, neither are they soon forgotten. Uncon- 
sciously we imitate them, and thus the grace of good 
behavior becomes an influence well worth the while of 
any one who would be a gentleman, to seek it. 

' VALUE TO LADIES. 

Woman is peculiarly the organizer and refiner of 
elegant society. Men will seek the essential princi- 
ples, but all the nicety and elegance of polished man- 
ners must and do come through woman. A woman 
rude and uncultured in her manners, however beautiful 
in person she may be, is like an uncut diamond, whose 
sparkle and lustre, though like that of the dog- star, 
are lost by the roughness of the exterior. The grace- 
ful mien and pleasing address of a cultured and refined 
woman make her a favorite in every company, and the 
radiant of a courtesy as wide and as luminous as her 
manners are pleasing. Worthy men strive to please 
and honor noble, virtuous, amiable women. So that 



16 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

woman, who by her courtesy has acquired these attri- 
butes, has in her power the touch-stones which test 
and at the same time claim the best society among 
gentlemen. 

VALUE TO TEE RICH, 

Riches are desirable, but many a one who has had 
money at his command has been entirely unable to 
find ingress to good society. The basis of etiquette 
does not rest upon money, neither will money buy 
good manners. Yet the rich seek the culture and the 
courtesy of good society, because of the finish and the 
eclat thus given to their wealth and their homes. 

VALUE TO TEE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

In society there is a large class of persons who, with- 
out being affluent, still have sufficient of this world's 
goods to enable them to enjoy much of the culture 
and refinement which may come of education and 
right training in the customs of courtesy. To these 
the practice of good manners is especially enjoyable, 
because it affords them the amenities and the pleasur- 
able things of life, without its troubles and vexations. 
These persons hold, too, the balance of power in social 
life. Their culture and their courtesy give them ad- 
mission to the houses of the rich, and at the same time 
permit them to elevate the society of their poorer 
friends. The great majority of our best writers and 
most cultured speakers have sprung from the ranks 
of this class. To these, more than to any other class, 
are we indebted for the invention and application of 
those rules of conduct which serve to make social life 
more attractive and more desirable than it could 



^ALTJE OF ETIQUETTE. 17 

otherwise be. To people of this class we look for a 
large application and a more liberal interpretation of 
the Golden Rule, upon whose principles all real eti- 
quette must rest. Then, to those who must be the 
adjusters of the arrogance in the rich and the self- 
deprecation in the poor, a correct knowledge of the 
usages of polite society can not but be of inestimable 
value. 

VALUE TO TEE POOR. 

It is the birthright of an American citizen to rise 
from the ranks of poverty to the highest gift of the 
people, if he but possess the ability. Whatever the 
circumstances, no one likes to admit his poverty. Of 
all things which make us most easily forget a man's 
poverty, the practice of good manners is most efficient. 
One's clothing may be naught but rags and tatters, 
but if he bear the impress of a gentleman he is honored 
and respected by all. The graceful air and self-reliant 
feeling which belong to a well-bred man, are the most 
effectual antidotes for the stings of poverty. Many a 
poor man, not only in this but in other lands, has 
found his way into the society of the best, only on the 
iavor granted because of his manners. One may be 
poor, yet if he possess good manners and an amiable 
style in his intercourse with people, his poverty is soon 
lost amid the good will and friendly feeling created 
among his associates. Therefore let the young man 
or the young woman of humble circumstances take 
courage and set to work at once to acquire a knowl- 
edge of the laws and usages of good society. 



18 AMERICAN" ETIQUETTE. 

VALUE TO VARIOUS KINDS OF BUSINESS. 

Most of the laws of business are based upon the 
Golden Rule. One who has gained for himself a 
practical knowledge of this rule is fit for any business. 
What one of the learned professions would thrive 
without the aid of proper behavior in its practice ? In 
the physician's efforts to alleviate pain and disease, 
how valuable to him is a knowledge of what is proper 
and right in his social treatment of patients. Who 
has not heard of a physician unsuccessful in his 
practice because he did not observe good manners? 
Every successful lawyer soon discovers the benefit of 
good breeding in his dealings with his clients. Who 
has not heard it asked about a minister, "Are his 
social qualities good?" — meaning nothing more nor 
less than an estimate of a pastor's ability to exercise 
good manners and genial behavior among his people. 
Such knowledge is equally useful to the teacher, who 
must in turn shape the manners of his pupils. Where 
do we find more agreeable or more polite men, women 
and boys, than in the clerks, sales- women and cash- 
boys of the large mercantile establishments of our cities 
and towns ? Every business is pervaded, more or less, 
by the influence of good behavior and gentle. manners. 
Hence, who can venture to undertake any business 
except he first acquaint himself with what is right as 
to his manners and conduct % 

VALUE TO CHURCHES. 

As disciples of the great Master we would naturally 
expect the best manners to be found among Christians. 
This as a rule is true, and as a result these teachings 



VALUE OF ETIQUETTE. 19 

are practiced to a greater or less extent in all places of 
worship. Besides this, various classes of persons col- 
lect in our churches. This calls for some plan of 
action and mode of intercourse which shall cause the 
least trouble and the easiest and most harmonious 
action among all interested. The minister has his rule 
of action, and so have the pews. Churches ought not 
to be places to which people go to see and be seen. 
Therefore a respectful and reverent manner is neces- 
sary to worship properly in any church. Quiet, and 
attention to proper behavior in church, are always 
marks of good breeding, and they are valuable in help- 
ing to make the services and the teachings of the sanc- 
tuary useful and beneficial to all engaged in them. 

VALUE TO GOVERNMENTS AND NATIONS. 

France has long been considered the politest nation 
of the modern world. Greece held sway in this par- 
ticular among the ancients. The two nations have 
stood foremost during their respective ages. The 
culture of Athens, the grace and gayety of Paris, have 
long been proverbial. The "free and easy" manners 
of America, as compared with the stiffness and severe 
propriety of England, strike a balance in favor of the 
Republic. French influence, language and manners 
have long moved the courts of the continent. French 
diplomacy only gave way to the energy and persistence 
of the Prussian Bismarck. Here we are confronted 
by the code of manners which governments have 
found it necessary to institute. Not even Republican 
America is exempt from this necessity. Washington 
etiquette stands side by side with that of the Court of 



20 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

St. James and St. Cloud. The decorum of a capital 
must necessarily influence the conduct of all officials 
belonging to the government. Without this formality 
and system the dignity and self-respect of a nation 
could not be preserved. As it is, the weakest nation 
claims recognition and honor at the hands of the 
strongest ; and the mildest government as thoroughly 
influences the diplomacy and courtesy of the world 
as does the most severe. So thoroughly does the 
observance of propriety and etiquette pervade the 
actions of governments, that the Golden Rule is more 
thoroughly observed among nations than it is among 
individuals. 

SUMMARY. 

Q-ood manners are great helps in the work of life. 
From individuals to governments, from nations to 
communities, their value is seen and appreciated. 
Politeness in the hourly intercourse of life pours oil 
upon the troubles and vexations of business, and 
smooths away most of the rudeness that otherwise 
might jar upon our nerves. " In honor preferring one 
another," is the great secret of good maimers. An 
Indian Chief, at an official interview with President 
Jackson, was as graceful as Henry Clay. He was 
asked, •" How is it that you are so graceful, never 
having studied etiquette?" "Ah," said the Chief, 
" I have no mad in me now." So it ^s with us all. 
With the good will of the Master in the heart, the 
practice of the rules of good breeding is easy. Study, 
observation, experiment, will make any one master of 
this great accomplishment. 



CHAPTER II, 



POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 




^T will be accepted as a 
truism, that the heart 
should be educated as 
well as the mind and 
body. Good behavior, 
a pleasing carriage, civil- 
ity, decent and respect- 
ful deportment, are the 
W\ products of an educated 
:1 heart. The cultivation of 
these traits, called, in a 
word, good manners, is a 
very important part in the 
education of every person 
of whatever call or rank in 
life. It may not be possi- 
ble for every one to culti- 
vate and expand the pow- 
ers of his mind, but it is 
possible and requisite for every one who would asso- 
ciate with his fellow men, to learn and practice pleas- 
ing, affable manners. We believe it is as much a duty 

(21) 



22 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

to be genteel, courteous, gentlemanly or lady like, as 
it is to be honest or truthful. So it is as essential that 
our children and young people should be carefully 
instructed in the principles of good manners, as it is 
that they should be developed intellectually, or encour- 
aged to become intelligent, to improve. A graceful 
bearing and pleasing ways are not picked up in a day; 
they are not assumed and thrown aside as occasion 
may demand, but come to us as the result of careful 
attention and long practice. Man has been made a 
social being. Whether he wishes it or not, he can not 
very well help associating with his fellow men. In these 
associations he may be agreeable, pleasant and amia • 
ble, or he may be disagreeable, rough, vulgar and un- 
bearable. That ease and gracefulness of manner, 
arising from a desire to please others, giving careful 
attention to the wants of others, which make one 
pleasing, attractive and sometimes even lovable, may 
properly be termed 

POLITENESS. 

The importance of being polite can not be overstated. 
Of all social acquirements of the present day it stands 
first. To have a place in good society, to be respectable 
or respected, to be a gentleman or a lady, one must be 
polite. Taking for granted , as we ought, tb e importance 
of this attribute of excellence, let us ask ourselves what 
true politeness implies. Politeness is a virtue. Like 
character, it has a great deal to do with what a man is. 
If it does not rank with the virtues of truth, honesty 
and love for fellow men, it is the outgrowth of them, 
and at the same time the index to them. True polite- 
ness is a heart product. If a man be truthful, honest, 



POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 23 

forbearing and unselfish — in short, full of love for his 
fellow men, he will be polite. The rules of etiquette 
which he observes are a mere outward expression, a 
form assumed by that politeness. So it can be truly 
said that goodness is the parent of politeness, as bad- 
ness is the parent of vulgarity ; for bad temper is 
vulgar ; selfishness is vulgar ; greediness, prevarica- 
tion, lying and dishonesty are vulgar — in short, vice 
is vulgar. Seeing, then, that true politeness is more 
important than simple, outward acts, that it is deeper 
than surface work, more lasting than the impression of 
temporary behavior, more like character than reputa- 
tion, how important is the cultivation of politeness, or 

HOME MANNERS. 

All education begins at home. The home is the most 
powerful and really the most effective institution on 
earth for training the rising generation. Home influ- 
ence is the truest character moulder; and if continued 
from infancy through early childhood to manhood, it 
will shape the moral and intellectual man or woman 
in spite of all outside directive power. For this in- 
fluence is early, coming with the first possibilities of 
man, and therefore most impressive ; it is constant, 
continuing through all the formative period of life. 
The child who never learns anything at home will 
never know much, whether in science, morals or 
religion. Here he forms his habits — either habits of 
idleness, ignorance and vice, or habits of industry, 
intelligence and virtue — and as the twig is bent the 
tree will grow. Then "good manners, like charity, 
must begin at home." As parents teach their children 
truth, honesty, love, let them teach their outward forms 



s 



24 American etiquette. 

in acts of unselfishness and kindness, i. e., politeness.. 
Let our children be trained in an atmosphere of gentle- 
ness and kindness from the nursery upwards ; let 
them grow up in a home where a rude gesture or an 
ill-tempered word are alike unknown; where between 
father and mother, master and servant, mistress and 
maid, friend and friend, parent and child, prevails 
the law of truth, of kindness, of consideration for 
others, and they will carry into the world naught of 
coarseness, of untruthfulness, or of vulgarity of any 
kind. Parents should be what they wish their 
children to be. In no place does the observance of 
the rules of^good manners bear more gratifying results 
than in the home circle, where, stripped of their mere 
formality, tempered with love, and fostered by all 
kindly impulses, they improve the character and bear 
their choicest fruits. "Train up a child in the way he 
should go, and when he is old he will not depart from 
it," is a rule of wisdom which works well in this as in 
all other departments of life. While there is such a 
thing as native politeness, while a child may naturally 
know to do certain things and to refrain from doing 
certain things, yet, in the main, acts of politeness are 
the result of training, of education, of good breeding. 

OCCASION'S FOB POLITENESS. 

Politeness is not like a robe of state, to be worn only 
on special and great occasions. It is like kindness of 
heart, — a permanent quality. A mean, coarse and 
vulgar man may know and observe all the rules of 
etiquette ; he may assume politeness at certain times ;. 
but in many little ways, of which there are a thousand, 
he will display his character, he will show that he is. 



POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 25 

not capable of being truly polite. The truly polite 
man, acting from a high sense of right and wrong, is 
the same, in his intercourse with men, at all times, 
in all places, with all persons, under all circumstances. 
This quality of the heart is not confined to a district or 
to a class ; it -does not belong only to the rich, the 
courtly, or those in high estate ; but being only "real 
kindness kindly expressed," it may be met with in the 
hut of the Arab, in the lowly hovel of the freedman, 
in the poor cottage of the peasant. No person can be 
so insignificant or mean that politeness can be dis- 
pensed with toward him. No circumstance however 
unimportant, no observance however minute, can be 
passed by as trivial if they tend to spare the feelings 
of others. If we see a person in embarrassment or 
under trial, politeness will lead us into sympathy with 
him. The universal 

RULE OF POLITENESS 

is the great rule of morals : "Do unto others as you 
would have others do unto you." Every unfeeling 
a,nd unkind act is rude and impolite. 

TEE TRUE GENTLEMAN 

will never forget that if he is bound to exercise cour- 
tesy and kindness in his intercourse with the world, 
he is doubly bound to do so in his intercourse with 
those who depend upon him for advice, protection and 
example. However high his station he does not bear 
an air of condescension or pride, and the humblest 
man feels instantly at ease in his presence; he is 
respectful and patient, distinguished above all things 
for his quick and active sympathy, his unwilling- 



26 AMEItlCAT* ETIQUETTE. 

ness to cause pain, his readiness to speak a pleas- 
ant word to relieve embarrassment. He is frank and 
cordial in his bearing toward others, and by his grace- 
ful and pleasing speech and manners he wins the 
respect and admiration of all with whom he comes in 
contact. 

THE TRUE GENTLEWOMAN 

will show as much courtesy, and observe all the little 
details of politeness as unfailingly toward her parents, 
husband and family, or even toward her own domestics, 
as toward the most distinguished stranger. She is 
amiable. General amiability has been given as another 
term for politeness. An amiable person is one who is 
pleasing, attractive, friendly and lovable ; and we con- 
sider it inconsistent to think of an amiable person 
being impolite. 

Such, we think, are some of the truths concerning 
this law of manners called politeness. 

LITTLE THINGS. 

A great many people who wish to be regarded as 
well-mannered, pass by many slight acts of courtesy 
as trifles. The petty incivility or slight rudeness or 
neglect, arising from thoughtlessness or lack of fore- 
sight, should be carefully guarded against. 
* A person is judged as much by his little acts as by 
more important ones ; little acts may render him disa- 
greeable or offensive. As little grains of sand make up 
the shore, so little acts make up the great aggregate of 
human intercourse. A pleasant smile, a kind word or 
look, little acts of good humor — and with these we can 
afford to be generous as the sun — are as welcome in 
any place and at all times as a wise discourse in con- 



POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 27 

versation, sallies of wit or refinements of understand- 
ing. It is only by attention to little things that we 
can become mannerly. A great many rules of etiquette 
.are made to cover these trifles. It is not our purpose 
in this chapter to lay down specific rules for our con- 
duct in society ; that is done fully elsewhere. But 
while on the topic of little things, we regard it in place 
to suggest a few things which, though little in them- 
selves, and, we regret to say, quite common, are yet 
regarded by all persons of refinement as acts showing 
a lamentable lack of good breeding. We may truly 
say that it has always been regarded as unequivocally 
vulgar to yawn in the presence of others, to beat time, 
to hum or whistle, to lounge, to lean against the wall, 
to put your feet on a chair, or to do anything which 
shows indifference, selfishness or disrespect. Snuffling, 
spitting, hawking, scratching the head, gulping, pick- 
ing the teeth, and blowing the nose, should be avoided 
in society. It has often been observed that the lady 
who sits cross-legged or side-ways on a chair, who 
twirls her trinkets or picks at anything, or a man who 
sits across his chair, bites his nails, or nurses his leg, 
manifest an unmistakable want of good breeding. A 
well-bred person never elbows his way in a crowd, nor 
forces himself, at concerts and lectures, into a seat 
which is already full. All these may be little things, 
but they must be closely observed if we would be 
regarded as persons of good manners. 

ADVANTAGES OF GOOD MANNERS. 

It does not matter in what work in life a man may 
be engaged, his chances for success are greatly in- 
creased by the cultivation and practice of good 



28 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

manners. The lawyer at the bar wins his jury often- 
times by his manner ; the physician inspires confidence 
in his patients greatly by his manner ; the orator 
convinces by his delivery ; the politician who would 
be popular among the masses, and cultivate their good 
will, prizes highly the tact of pleasing by his manner ;, 
the business man can have no better paying investment 
than the accustomed exercise of attractive and pleas- 
ing manners ; the minister in the pulpit may demand 
the attention of his hearers, showing them that he has 
something to say, and knows how to say it, by his 
manner. Thus, in all departments of activity pleasing 
manners will prove an inestimable advantage. ' ' Good 
manners" can not be made a narrow or technical 
term. Consisting, as they do, in a constant main- 
tenance of self-respect, along with attention and respect 
to others ; in correct language, gentle tones of voice, 
ease and quietness in movement and action, who can 
estimate their importance in social intercourse f Says 
an eminent writer on etiquette: "The knowledge of 
what is done and what is not done by persons of 
refinement and cultivation, gives to its possessor the 
consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in what- 
ever sphere he may happen to move, and causes him 
to be considered well-bred by all with whom he may 
come in contact. In conversation, good manners 
lestrain the vehemence of personal or party feelings, 
and promote that versatility which enables persons to 
converse readily with strangers, and take a passing 
interest in any subject that may be addressed to them. 
To listen with patience, however prosy our entertainer 
may be ; to smile at the thrice-told jest ; to yield the 
best seat or the choicest dish, or the most amusing 



POLITENESS AND GOOD MANNERS. 29 

volume, are acts, not of mere civility, but of kindness 
or unselfishness, and such are among the requirements 
of good breeding. The essence of good manners is 
unselfishness ; its animating spirit is forbearance." A 
person whose nature is inclined to such kindness of 
manners, and who has had that nature supplemented 
by such breeding, reaches to the eminence of the 
gentleman or gentlewoman, and that is the highest 
attainment of success. 

OUR MANNERS SHOW WHAT WE ARE. 

It is said that the way anything is done is that 
which stamps life and character on every action. It 
has come to be ' almost a trite expression, that the 
manner in which a person does or says a thing is a 
truer index to his character than what he does or says. 
All rules have their exceptions, and there may be 
exceptions to this. It is possible that a man may 
hide a bad heart under a well-mannered exterior ; a 
deed prompted by vanity, pride or selfishness may 
possibly be made to assume the manner of virtue ; it 
may be within the bounds of possibility, yet hard to 
conceive of, that a kind, refined and cultured heart 
may be found in one whose outward manners are 
rough and uncouth. If there be such exceptions 
they are extremely rare. The intelligence of the eye, 
the motion of the hand and body, the involuntary 
look of the countenance, can not be incessantly 
guarded that we may appear to be what we are not. 
A man may perform an act which is in itself com- 
mendable ; he may be liberal in his donations, broad 
and charitable in his conduct, but if his motive is bad 
— and from his motive he must be judged — his manner 



30 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



of acting is almost sure to betray it. We think it may 
be said to be a truth beyond exception, that a heart of 
refinement will find expression in refined and gentle 
manners. 




CHAPTER III, 




SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 



AN is a social being. By 
coming in contact with his 
fellows he is made con- 
scious of his individuality; 
he is apprised, at the same 
time, of his dependence 
upon others. This ming- 
ling with society affords 
him the greatest possible 
opportunity for culture. 
Why is it that some dis- 
tance others so far in their 
social qualities % Why is 
it that some can move act- 
ively in all the relations of 
life — have to do with all 
classes of people, and find 
in it their highest enjoy - 
^#fi^^^^N ment, while others are 
only at peace with those they do not know ? The 
secret is in personal qualities and qualifications. To 
get along with people, and make your presence and 
society desirable, requires some effort and some culti- 

(31) 



32 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

vation. There are people who can not be cultivated — 
people on whom kind words and good manners make 
no impression — swainish, morose people, who must be 
kept down and quieted as you would those who are a 
little tipsy. No one has a right to impose himself or 
herself upon others, who is incapable of enhancing the 
pleasure of social intercourse or receiving substantial 
enjoyment from it himself. It is the duty of every 
one to qualify himself for society. If society is to 
become highly civil and refined, each person must con- 
tribute to make it so. Good meaning, good sense, 
good action, lovely behavior, becoming modesty, and 
a persistent preference for others — these are some of 
the qualities that fit us for enjoyable and profitable 
companionship. 

CIVILITY. 

Civility, or good behavior, is the very first sign of 
force — civility, and not performance^ or talent, or 
much less wealth. It is as natural to a refined person 
as perfume is to the flower. No one can put it on 
as he would a Sunday coai to appear before his 
betters in. There is nothing more awkward or ludi- 
crous than to see a young; man or woman trying to 
affect civility. • One is not truly civil as long as it 
requires an effort to be so. It is a part of our personal 
culture. We must be civil in feeling before we can 
be so in manners. How often we are made to blush 
at the outcropping rudeness of some boorish fellow, 
whose vulgarity can no longer contain itself ! "Out of 
the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." In 
business as in social life we must never forget to pay 
due deference to the feelings of others. The man who 



SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 33 

never gives cause for offense is the true man. People 
do not want to be bored with the uncivil and discour- 
teous. Their respect for such persons may prevent 
them from banishing them entirely from their society, 
but they are always unwelcome. Make it a matter of 
conscience with yourself to be civil — not only in out- 
ward appearance, but cultivate kind feelings toward 
all. If others have faults or make mistakes, do not 
annoy them with the fact. If those who have an in- 
terest in you should tell you your faults, be thankful 
for it. Never think the less of another because he 
tries to make you a better man. Be approachable in 
your disposition. The civil man is one whose heart is 
ever open, one who loves the communion of his fellow 
man, one whose presence is soothing, and whose con- 
versation is edifying. 

EDUCATION. 

" What sculpture is to a block of marble, educa- 
tion is to a human soul. The philosopher, the saint 
and the hero — the wise, the good and the great man — 
very often lie hid and concealed in a plebeian, which a 
proper education might have disinterred and brought 
to light." — Addison. Education not only polishes but 
gives substantial form and shape to our mental and 
moral powers. The school is not the only means of 
education, but it is a very important one. So-called 
" book learning" has come to be a necessity to a suc- 
cessful and happy career. Education is too often 
regarded as only necessary for the professional man. 
This is a great mistake. The farmer and the business 
man should be educated. In his love for knowledge 
and familiarity with books a man may find his happi- 



34 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

ness and usefulness increased a hundred fold. Edu- 
cation is a means of culture ; by it each one may 
contribute to the elevation of society. It softens the 
manners, refines the tastes, and fills the soul with 
nobler purposes and higher aspirations. In propor- 
tion as man is educated, the spiritual predominates 
over the animal nature. G-et the best education your 
means and circumstances will permit, for by it you 
may become a better citizen, a better companion and 
a better counselor. 

INFORMATION. 

One may be educated in the narrow sense of the 
term and still have little information of current and 
past events. You owe it to yourself and to those with 
whom you mingle to be as well informed as possible. 
Read books of history, travel, poetry and romance. 
Read the newspaper ; cultivate an interest in the 
affairs of men. Know how things are going in the 
State, the nation and the world. Every one loves to 
hear the well-informed man talk. He always profits 
us. A man of information is at ease in any society. 
Be able to converse intelligently on all matters of 
public interest. There is no embarrassment like that 
which comes from conscious ignorance of things we 
ought to know. Get an education if possible, but by 
all means get information. 

CHARACTER 

" Character is the diamond that scratches every 
other stone." — Bartol. Character is human nature in 
its best form. It is moral order embodied in the indi- 
vidual. Men of character are not only the conscience 



SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 35 

of society, but in every well-governed State they are 
its best motive power, for it is moral qualities in the 
main which rule the world. There are some things 
with which good character is incompatible : bad asso- 
ciates, vicious and sensational literature, and the 
gratification of evil passions. He or she whose life 
is marked by any one or all of these evils will never 
have the priceless treasure of a good character. Yearn 
after purity- of heart and life. Fear sin as you would 
the sting of an adder. 

DIFFERENCES IN SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 

When you are compelled to differ from others you 
should be controlled by reason and moderation. If 
in a heated discussion one shows a disposition to 
unfairness or a bad temper, it is indicative of coarse- 
ness and the lack of refinement. We should accord 
those who differ from us the same respect that we 
demand from them for ourselves. A man should 
always be honest in his convictions and in the proper 
way not hesitate to express them, but he should never 
fly into a passion because others do not agree with him. 
Remember in the heat of discussion' never to cast per- 
sonal reflections upon your antagonist, nor say any- 
thing with the purpose of arousing angry feelings. 
Be ready to learn from others, and to confess your 
error when you plainly see it. 



m* 



CHAPTER IV, 



HOME, AND HOME ETIQUETTE. 

OME may be 
the brightest 
place on earth, 
or it may be 
the gloomiest. 
To make it the 
^ grandest of all 
institutions — to 
make it the one 
place ever dear to the 
heart, should be the 
ambition alike of parents 
and children. While all 
can contribute to its joy and 
happiness, there is no concealing 
the fact that it is pre-eminently 
the kingdom of woman. It is hers 
to make it tasteful and 
cosy. If woman rules and directs this 
little kingdom to the comfort and blessed- 
ness of her family, she has done what God intended 
in giving her to be the "help- meet" of man. 




~^y to embellish it 



HAVE A HOME TO YOURSELF. 

Many young married couples, not realizing the 
pleasure of living to themselves, often go to boarding, 

(37) 



38 . AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

or are content to share a house with some one else — 
perhaps a stranger. Married life does not yield up its 
secret of joy and comfort under such circumstances. 
Do not board if you can help it — and by all means 
avoid the greater risk of sharing your roof with 
others — 

" And a mighty little cottage one family will do, 
But I have never seen one yet that 's big enough for two." 

Most young people start in the world with limited 
means, which is nothing at all to be deplored. Rent 
or buy a little home, and have it all to yourself; do not 
envy those who dwell in mansions ; the happiness of 
this world is found mostly in cottages. We ' 11 suppose 
a couple at the threshold of married life — wedding and 
reception all over, and they are now ready to begin 
home life. What shall it be ? A home of disorder, of 
bad manners and worse tempers? Or shall it be a 
home of order, of refinement, of politeness, and of 
love ? This question should come home to every hus- 
band and wife at the very beginning of their new 
career. 

COMPANIONSHIP OF HUSBAND AND WIFE. 

Husband and wife should remember that they have 
taken each other "for better or for worse." Their 
companionship is to end only with death ; hence they 
should see to it that their affection as lovers ripens into 
a permanent devotion. They can not become congenial 
companions without some effort to be such. If one 
should have tastes and inclinations to which the other 
is averse, they should not be obtruded. In matters 
where conscientious conviction is not involved, each 
should willingly yield to the other. One thing is 



39 

indispensable to the happiness of married life, and 
that is, confidence in each other. The faith which has 
been plighted at the altar is considered so sacred that 
once broken it can hardly be repaired again. Each 
mnst make allowance for the other's weaknesses. Be 
ready to give and willing to receive corrections from 
each other. Let criticisms never be made in a fault-find- 
ing way, however. Show a lively appreciation for the 
attentions and favors received from each other, and 
thus cultivate the love of making personal sacrifices. 
The husband should consider his wife entitled to know 
all about his business plans, and he should make her 
his counselor in all new undertakings. If the wife is 
not worthy to be the "confidant" of her husband, 
she is not fit to be his wife. Whatever faults each 
may see in the other should not be paraded before 
others. Any little difficulty or misunderstanding 
should be settled without the intervention of a third 
party. Bad temper should be suppressed and angry 
words withheld. One word spoken in haste may 
inflict a wound in the heart of your companion which 
will require months or years to heal over. 

POLITENESS AT HOME. 

Politeness is a habit. He who would be truly polite 
in society must render politeness habitual at home. 
Why is* not politeness as good for home as for other 
society % Many seem to think that gentleness and 
civility are only necessary in society other than the 
family. They take extra pains to be polite in com- 
pany because it contributes to the enjoyment of all, 
and relieves the occasion of friction. Why will it not 
do the same at home % How pleasant that home where 



40 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 

rudeness is unknown, and all are civil and polite ! One 
should be governed by the laws of politeness toward 
all the members of one's family no less than in the 
intercourse of general society. There is, in addition, 
a tenderness and respect among the members of the 
home circle which can not be felt toward a common 
acquaintance. First of all, the father should receive 
a degree of deference which is given to no other. His 
opinions should be received with great respect, and 
his advice with gratitude and attention. His weak- 
nesses, if perceived, should be concealed more care- 
fully than your own. His comfort and convenience 
should be studied on every occasion. The mother 
may be treated with more freedom, but certainly with 
more tenderness. Happy is the mother to whom her 
children render the unreserved homage of the heart. 
Relations claim a preference over common acquaint- 
ances, if they are worthy. Always treat them with 
the respect due them. In conversation at the fireside 
and at table, such subjects should be chosen as have 
some interest to the wife or children, or both. En- 
deavor to render your meals social as well as physical 
repasts. But never engage in defaming the character 
of any one, or holding up the faults of your neighbors 
before your children. Some children are raised to 
hear other people talked about until they think there 
is nobody virtuous or honest. Hold up the virtues of 
others, and not their vices. ' 

GOOD MANNERS AT HOME. 

Hans Andersen's story of the cobweb cloth, woven 
so fine that it was invisible — woven for the king's gar- 
ment — must mean manners, which do really form a 



41 

princely clothing for our natures. "Manners are 
stronger than laws." Good manners and good morals 
go together — they are firm allies. To refined persons 
there is nothing so repulsive as bad manners; they 
not only see them, but feel them. It hurts a lady 
or gentleman of taste to see the common rules of 
etiquette violated. 

CORRECT TASTE. 

There are no purely good manners in the absence of 
correct tastes. It is important from the earliest child- 
hood to begin the formation of pure tastes. A correct 
taste is more properly the result of a general moral 
and intellectual culture than of any direct rules of 
discipline. It is a matter of feeling. It rests upon a 
few broad principles ; and when these are interwoven 
with the character the desired end will be attained. 
It is easy to graft good manners onto good .tastes. 
Manners must be practiced at home, at your own 
table, your own drawing-room and parlor. Like 
politeness, of which they are really a part, they must 
be habitual. The children should be taught to act at 
home just as the most sensitive parent would have 
them act at the house of a friend. Manners are 
awkward things unless they are natural. They are 
unnatural if we are conscious of them, and especially 
if they cost us some effort. 

VALUE OF MANNERS. 

We should not think of good manners as something 
fostered solely to carry with us when we go visiting. 
They have a permanent value in themselves. Home 
life is where, most of all, they are needed. Manners 



42 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



tend to preserve mutual respect between brothers and 
sisters and parents and children. As we naturally 
despise ill manners, so those who bear them become 
the object of our contempt. Good manners preserve 
us from too great familiarity on the one hand, and too 
great reserve on the other. By them we are able to 
hold others at a distance, and at the same time win 
their esteem. Make the family life a model of courtesy 
and good manners, and the sons and daughters, when 
they go out into the world, will be in no danger of 
attracting the ill-bred and vicious. 




CHAPTER V, 



CULTURE AT HOME. 



^OME is the fountain of life. If our 
character could be resolved into its 
elements, and these traced to their 
beginnings, the lines would all run 
back to home influence. There begin 
our earliest and best recollections. 
"The mother's heart is the child's first 
JjSBp 1 school-room." The influence of home extends 
beyond the fireside and familiar walls, even to 
the third and fourth generations. Be, therefore, what 




you wish your children to be. 



THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 

Upon the mother devolves the duty of planting in 
the hearts of her children those seeds of love and 
virtue which shall develop useful and happy lives. 
There are no words to express the relation of a mother 
to her children. Indeed, it is more than a relation ; 
they are the same bone and the same flesh. The 
mother's supremest delight is in her children. They 
are the objects of her care and love. She cares not for 
the outward world, and is, in fact, alienated from it. 
Wealth may come to them, great honors may be 
heaped upon them, but she never thinks of them 

(43) 



44 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

other than as her children. The exclamation of 
President Garfield' s mother, upon hearing the news of 
her son's assassination, was, "O! how could they kill 
my baby!" Through all the years and conflicts of 
his life — in all the high positions he had occupied up 
to the highest in the gift of the nation — he was never 
anything else to her than her "baby." This is the 
mother' s instinct. She is constantly thrilled with the 
passion for her children. Let the mother, then, never 
forget that while she is training children she is rear- 
ing men and women. A mother's love and prayers 
and tears are seldom lost on even the most wayward 
child. 

HONESTY. 

"Persons lightly dipped, not grained, in generous 
honesty, are but pale in goodness." — Sir T. Browne. 
Home culture pertains to all qualities of mind and 
heart that go to make up character. There is no part 
of child-training that should be wholly entrusted to 
others — and certainly no part of moral training. One 
of the first things children learn to do is to tell stories. 
This is generally the first offense. When they are very 
small, parents think it so " cute " to see them playing 
little pranks, and encourage them in it. Out of this 
encouragement comes the disposition to play bigger 
pranks when older. Your children will be honest 
with you, if you are strictly honest with them. Hon- 
esty will beget moral courage. Set your children the 
example of being true to conviction — of being consci- 
entious in all things. If you have succeeded in train- 
ing a child to be conscientious you have succeeded in 
everything. 



CULTURE AT HOME. 45 

INDUSTRY. 

Industry is a virtue ; idleness is a vice. Industry 
sharpens the faculties of the mind and strengthens 
the sinews of the body, while indolence corrodes and 
weakens them. If the child is 1 not industrious he 
soon becomes discontented, envious, jealous, and even 
vicious. "An idle brain is the devil's work-shop." 
In this busy world there is no room for idle men 
or women. They are dead weights on society. The 
industrious man is the happy man. He feels that he 
is doing something by his industry ftfr society — at 
least, he is paying his own way through the world. 
Parents should encourage labor, in some useful form, 
as a duty. If you give your children money for any 
purpose, teach them to make some return for it — to 
engage in some extra work about the house or farm 
or office. Make them feel that they must earn their 
enjoyment. Industry is a security against shiftless- 
ness and a lavish use of money. There is no virtue 
like that of industry. In the language of Addison, 
"Mankind are more indebted to industry than inge- 
nuity ; the gods set up their favors at a price, and 
industry is the purchaser." 

SELF-RESPECT. 

There are many ugly qualities which the children, 
through the negligence of the mother, easily attach to 
themselves. Among these are malice, avarice, self- 
esteem, lack of neatness, and a disregard for the con- 
venience and welfare of others. There is one feeling, 
however, which, if early and strongly inculcated, will 
prove a safeguard against these and many other evils, 



46 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

and that is, the feeling of self-respect. One great rea- 
son for the absence of this feeling in children is, that 
parents and grown people do not show to them that 
respect they deserve. When you hear a father speak- 
ing to his children, calling them "chap," " brats," or 
"young 'uns," you may be sure there will be a lack 
of self-respect on the part of the children. Call chil- 
dren by their right names, speak to them in an affec- 
tionate way, make them feel that you are counting on 
them for something, and they will then think some- 
thing of themselves. Self-respect is one of the neces- 
sary conditions of a true manhood. It saves one from 
engaging in the thousand little dishonorable things 
that defile the character and blast the reputation. The 
mother having once made her children conscious that 
they are somebody — the object, at least, of a mother's 
love and a mother' s prayers — it will serve as a shield 
to them in a thousand temptations. 

QUARRELING AND COMPLAINING. 

" The oil of civility is required to make the wheels 
of domestic life run smoothly." The habit of quarrel- 
ing and complaining, so often seen in the home circle, 
greatly mars the eiajoyment of home life. These little 
annoyances occurring every day and every hour really 
make life a burden. Give your children no just cause 
for complaint. Feed them well, clothe them well, and 
indulge them in such social enjoyments as are inno- 
cent and elevating. Teach them the beauty of peace 
and contentment, and be sure you set them the exam- 
ple yourself, Never let them hear anything but kind 
words, and they will be very apt to catch the spirit 
of a peaceful and quiet life. Constant fault-finding, 



CULTURE AT HOME. 47 

misrepresentation of motives, suspicions of evil where 
no evil exists, will work the complete destruction of 
peace and quiet in your home. 

" IN HOyOIZ PREFERRING ONE ANOTHER:' 

This suggestion, made by an apostle to Christian 
people, is a good motto in the family. One of the 
greatest disciplines of human life is that which teaches 
us to yield our will to others. It is hard to do, even 
in the trifling things of every-day life. We should 
not be taught to yield, of course, where principle is 
concerned ; but in the thousand little troubles at home 
between children, and even between parents, there is 
nothing more involved, usually than a mere notion or 
fancy. Now cultivate the grace of giving in or yield- 
ing to the wishes of others. If you show no disposi- 
tion to stubbornness, those who are with you will 
refrain from doing so too. Thus the path of every-day 
life is freed from jars and discord, and home is made 
pleasant and peaceful. This discipline will be of ines- 
timable value in after life, for if we • get through life 
successfully we must, sooner or later, learn to yield. 

OBEDIENCE. 

The government of the family should rest upon love 
rather than fear. The only true obedience is that 
which is inspired by love. The child that is whipped, 
or coerced under fears of brutal punishment, will one 
day become either desperate or cowed. The rod should 
not be spared altogether, but it should seldom be 
resorted to. Many of the largest and most obedient 
families have been raised without the rod. Obedience 
you must have ; if this is lacking, everything else will 



48 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

go wrong ; your instructions and counsels will prove 
ineffectual. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring 
a curse upon a family than the insubordination and 
disobedience of children. The ungoverned child will 
be the law-breaking man. Obedience to authority is 
one of the first laws of all government and social 
order. That parent who turns out upon society an 
ungoverned and disobedient son or daughter, inflicts a 
public injury upon it. A great part of the lawless- 
ness which furnishes our jails and penitentiaries with 
occupants, is due to bad home discipline. 

READING. 

" The love of reading enables a man to exchange the 
wearisome hours of life which come to every one, foe 
hours of delight." — Montesquieu. Cultivate the de- 
sire of your children for reading. First be a reader 
yourself, if possible ; this will enable you to advise 
and direct the tastes of your children in this direction. 
Reading is not only valuable for the information it 
gives, but, what is of more value to the young, it 
redeems the hours from idleness and mischief. The 
habit of reading will keep your son in off the street 
at night, or from running over the country on idle 
days, in search of companions to help him kill time. 
It will turn the tastes of your daughter from the ball- 
room, and fit her for more cultivated society. 

LITERATURE. 

What sort of reading matter shall come into the 
family % This question ought to be settled before the 
tastes of the young readers become perverted, and 
they relish only that which is impure. If you allow 



CULTURE AT HOME. 49 

sensational and vicious papers to be read in the family, 
the young minds suck up the poison from them, just 
as the capillaries of the skin do the poison applied to 
their mouths. It is interesting, and at the same time 
disheartening, to stand by a news-dealer 1 s counter on 
a Saturday evening and see how many young from 
the shops, offices and other places of employment, as 
well as street boys and loafers, come in to buy such 
papers as the Saturday Niglit and Police Gazette. 
How these might all be elevated and profited by read- 
ing a better kind of literature ! But no, their tastes 
demand such stuff as this, and they will have no other. 
So Sunday is spent filling the mind with a poison that 
will, sooner or later, work a permanent injury to the 
mental and moral character. There is plenty of good 
reading matter, and it is very cheap. There is no 
reason why every family should not take a good paper 
or two — say a religious paper and a newspaper. It is 
certainly far better to have your children interested 
in what the world is doing, and what is happening 
every day in various parts of the earth, than in what 
is purely romantic and unreal. Another grade of lit- 
erature is* becoming very prominent now, and that is 
periodicals — magazines that come once a month or 
once a quarter. These furnish very valuable reading 
for those old enough to appreciate them. Literature 
is cheap. Every family can supply itself with good 
reading in abundance. Keep your tables supplied 
with that which is interesting and profitable. You 
may always look with hope on a family of young 
people that love to read good literature. 



50 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 



BOOKS. 



"Be as careful of the books you read as of the 
company you keep ; for your habits and character 
will be as much influenced by the former as the lat- 
ter." — Hood. Books are as much a part of a home 
as pictures or furniture or carpets. A home without 
books is desolate indeed. Nothing elevating or en- 
nobling can come from such a place. If you have 
books lying around, your children will naturally take 
to them. The great and good Channing said, "Let 
every man, if possible, gather some good books under 
his roof." They are good company for -children as 
well as grown people. You need never fear to trust 
your children with them. No mother who has the 
welfare of her children at heart will neglect the im- 
portant work of choosing the proper books for them 
to read while they are under her charge. She should 
select such books for them as will instruct and inter- 
est ; and this should be done before their minds are 
poisoned with bad books and novels. Go into any 
bookstore, and you will find it an easy thing to select 
suitable works for the family. Do not mind the light 
expense. The joy of seeing your children around the 
fireside, discussing this or that which they have read 
about, instead of wanting to be out in town in riotous 
company, will more than repay you for your money 
and pains. 

A LIBRARY. 

A library means a collection of books comprising 
variety — books of general literature, secular and relig- 
ious, dictionary, encyclopaedias, etc. Every home 
should have a library, if possible. Do not be content 
to buy a few scattering books here and there, but have 



CULTURE AT HOME. 



51 



a book-case, and put in it, from time to time, as you 
can afford it, varieties of books. Let your children 
see that you take a pride in getting books, and they 
will take a pride in reading them. The very sight of 
a library is an inspiration. 




NEATNESS. 

Educate your children to be neat — neat in their 
dress — neat in the arrangement of their little posses- 
sions about the house. Where your dwelling will 
admit of it, give each child a room to himself or 
herself, or, if there are several children, give two 
brothers or two sisters a room, and hold them respon- 
sible for its appearance. When they feel that they 



52 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

are responsible for something, they will look to it 
with more care. Require all to be neat and tidy 
when they come to the table. There is a marked 
neglect in many families in this respect. They take 
no pains to arrange themselves neatly, but dash right 
into the dining-room, when a meal is announced, 
forgetting all the precepts of order and etiquette ; 
consequently, when company comes, or they go out 
in answer to an invitation, they are all the time under 
restraint and embarrassment. 

GOOD LANGUAGE. 

It seems next to impossible to keep bad language 
of some sort out of the home. Children catch it up 
on the streets from their playmates, and bring it home 
with them in spite of everything. But a great deal 
can be done by vigilance upon the part of parents. 
Not only should profanity be rigidly forbidden, but 
also slang and impolite language of whatever kind. 
Vulgarity in common conversation is especially loath- 
some. Make home a place too sacred for any such 
indulgence. 

RELIGIOUS CULTURE^ 

Every good habit, pure sentiment and noble aspira- 
tion has its origin and support in religion. It is the 
duty of parents to be religious. Your example will 
not be worth much unless you constantly impress 
upon your family their responsibility to God. After 
all, there is nothing half so cultivating as to gather 
your family daily around the altar and give thanks 
to a kind Father who has given you all the blessings 
you enjoy. The Spirit of Jesus Christ will save your 
home and your children when nothing else will. How 



CULTUKE AT HOME. 53 

many young men have been made strong in the hour 
of temptation by the remembrance of *a mother's 
prayers ! Do not be content to be religious yourself. 
Bring your children up "in the nurture and admo- 
nition of the Lord." Show them by your example 
that religion is something real — that it is a constant 
source of joy and solace. Be religious in your family 
as well as at church. If you, as a father or mother, 
have a real and consistent life, your children will be 
likely to imitate you. 

PURSUIT IX LIFE. 

As children grow up and approach the time when 
they will be thrown on their own responsibilities, the 
question comes home to each one, "What shall I 
follow for a livelihood \ " This is indeed an important 
question. It involves another, equally as important : 
"What am I best suited for?" Never turn from a 
pursuit for which you are fitted for one you fancy 
more honorable. Do not spoil a good farmer to make 
a poor merchant. Do not choose one of the profes- 
sions when you excel in business tact. A young man 
says, "I believe I am best fitted for one of the profes- 
sions, law, for instance, but it is crowded." This is 
no cause for discouragement. There is always room 
at the top, and if you do not go in to make a first- 
class lawyer, you should not go in at all. The law of 
the "survival of the fittest" operates in the profes- 
sions just as in the animal kingdom. Remember, 
however, that it is just as honorable to farm well as 
to speak well or write well. To make a successful 
merchant is as desirable as to make a successful any- 
thing else. It takes quite as much brain-power to 
make a master-mechanic as to make a classical scholar. 



54 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



There is absolutely no foundation for that srckly senti- 
ment, so often entertained, that because a man is a 
professional man, he is two or three grades higher 
than anybody else. If a man chooses a profession, 
and, by hard work, succeeds well, he is to be honored 
for it ; but the same can be said of any other calling. 
Preparation for your life- calling should not be deferred 
too long. While the family is yet together, the par- 
ents should interest themselves in the natural tastes 
and abilities of the children. A good home training 
forms a strong basis for them in a general way, but 
there should be some particular encouragement given 
in the direction of their life-calling. Chancellor Kent 
says : "A parent who sends his son into the world 
without educating him in some art, science, profession 
or business, does great injury to mankind as well as 
to his son and to his own family, for he defrauds the 
community of a useful citizen and bequeaths to it a 
nuisance." 




CHAPTER VI. 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 

VERY young lady or gentle- 
man should cultivate a love 
for society — not as an end, 
but as a means. To look at 
society as an end — as more 
than the individual — will 
beget affectation and pride, 
and cause the loss of all 
individuality. But to re- 
gard it as a means to an end — 
the end being self-improve- 
ment and personal enjoy- 
ment — makes it a constant 
source of interest and profit. By 
mingling with others we not only reap 
enjo} T ment, but we grow, both intellectually 
and morally. Society is a community of certain 
goods, which are at the disposal of all, and are 
increased by being taken up. When you enter soci- 
ety y°n throw your life into it with all your mental 
and moral attainments, and those who mingle with 
3 T ou get the benefit of all you have, and you of all 
they have. Its tendency, therefore, is to make all 
equal. No young person should deny himself or her- 

(55) 







56 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

self of society. One can never have a complete life 
without it. But one danger should be avoided, and that 
is, the danger of giving one's self up too exclusively 
to society. Do not become intoxicated with it. There 
are in every town and city society "cracks," who are 
nothing unless social. Do not forget to have a life of 
your own — an inner life with which you can commune, 
and that, too, with pleasure. Some young people 
assume the outward manners and fashions of society, 
who are so utterly empty of information or sympathy 
that they are incapable of being real or interesting. 
They are not cultivated, in any sense, and their pres- 
ence really detracts from the pleasure of any occasion. 
It was this class that Byron had in mind when he 
said, "Society is formed of two mighty tribes — the 
bores and the bored." 

AFFECTATION. 

"If you wish to appear agreeable in society, you 
must consent to be taught many things you already 
know." — Lavater. Simplicity of conduct and of man- 
ners is unquestionable evidence of sound sense and 
a correct taste. "Affectation is the wisdom of fools 
and the folly of many a comparatively wise man." 
It is, says Johnson, an artificial show ; an elaborate 
appearance ; a false pretense. The affected person 
prefers the artificial to the real, and supposes that 
everybody else does too. To be genuine, requires no 
effort ; to seem to be what you are not, requires constant 
effort. Sidney Smith says, "All affectation proceeds 
from the supposition of possessing something better 
than the rest of the world possesses. Nobody is vain 
* of possessing two legs and two arms, because that is 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 57 

the precise quantity of either sort of limb which every- 
body possesses." Affectation is certain deformity. It 
shows in some instances an empty mind, in others an 
estimate exceedingly too high of what ability one has. 
What weariness it must be to be always acting a part ; 
to torture one' s self constantly in daily intercourse, so 
as to produce a factitious result ; to adopt conduct, 
select words, and profess sentiments, on the most 
trivial as well as the most important occasions, which 
shall be sure to differ more or less from what is plain, 
obvious and direct. You meet an affected person, 
perhaps your friend; he feels warmly toward you, 
but he must in some way preserve an imagined dig- 
nity, so he addresses you in an unnatural sort of way 
and does not open up himself as a friend should. 
Affectation has been compared to a coat of many 
colors and pieces — ill fitted, and neither stitched nor 
tied, which some unblest mortal might endeavor, with 
incessant pains and solicitude, to hold together and 
wear. Be natural. A natural awkwardness is far 
more endurable than an affected grace. 

THE YOUNG LADY IN SOCIETY— DRESS. 

Do not have a mania for fine dressing. Be able to 
talk about something else than the fashions. Dress is 
a material thing, and does not deserve the attention 
that some other things do. Yet it is a duty you owe 
those with whom you mingle to dress neatly, and, to a 
certain extent, in the fashion. Do not disfigure your 
person by oddly cut and oddly fitting clothes — 
do not do it even in the sacred name of religion. God 
intended that we should make our persons attractive. 
The being who gave nature her thousands of beauties 



58 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

and adornments, and who made woman of all his 
creatures the most charming in her form and features, 
did not intend that this form should be marred by- 
covering it up in a meal-sack and crowning it with 
a sugar-scoop. Dress always in good taste, but not 
gorgeously. 

AFFECTED CONVERSATION. 

Beware of a labored and affected style of conversa- 
tion. Talk in good style and with becoming modesty, 
but be yourself. How intolerable it is to a young 
gentleman to have to submit to that "cut and dried' > 
style of talking which so many young ladies assume. 
Be assured that your gentlemen friends do not admire 
it, however much you think they do. A lady who 
talks from her heart never fails to be entertaining. 

. GOSSIPING. 

Be free from tattling. Do not inflict upon society 
another member of that despisable and dangerous 
species called gossipers. The tongue that carries 
slander and defames the character of others is as black 
as sin itself. Always be careful in your conversation 
not to dwell on what you heard somebody say about 
somebody else. 

SEEK GOOD SOCIETY. 

Many a young lady's prospects are ruined by start- 
ing out in inferior society. She may be virtuous and 
chaste herself, but has unwittingly fallen in with bad 
associations and rests under a ban. Reputation is 
especially valuable to a woman. Therefore fit your- 
self for the best society, and do not go in any till you 
can go in that. 



ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 59 

MODESTY. 

Bo riot be wild and boisterous in your conduct on 
the street or in the parlor. Show refinement and 
sobriety. Be free and sociable, but keep yourself 
within bounds. Remember that "modesty is the 
chastity of merit, the virginity of noble souls." 

THE YOUNG MAN IN SOCIETY— DRESS. 

The same remarks upon dress apply to the young 
man as to the young lady, so far as neatness and taste 
are concerned ; though there is not as much expected 
of the young man in this particular as of the young 
lady. Clothing should not be flashy ; that always 
betrays a coarse taste. Do not dress above your in- 
come. Wear only clothes that are paid for. Never 
envy the fop. 

DEMEANOR. 

Let your conduct toward others always betoken 
respect. Avoid giving offense by your pertness. Re- 
spect the old. Nothing indicates good breeding so 
much as deference to the aged. By all means avoid 
the habits of swearing, drinking and card-playing. 
In fact, never think of indulging in such things. The 
so-called smart young men may laugh at you, but 
never mind that. When they are in rags and home- 
less, you will have plenty and be respected. 

MONEY. 

Be sure you do not spend your money just for the 
sake of showing how liberal you can be. There is a 
reasonable limit to spending money, which everybody 



60 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



will respect you for observing. Economy is nothing 
to be ashamed of. Avoid the habit of so-called 
treating. Your money goes, and you get no fhanks 
for it. The habit is a bad one, and is closely allied 
with loafing and dissipation. 




CHAPTER VII. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 




HE custom of making 
persons known to each 
other is a necessity in good 
society. It is the basis of 
an acquaintanceship which 
may serve for the enjoy- 
ment of an hour, or which 
> may ripen into a friend- 
ship as lasting and as im- 
BL portant as life itself. 
|fe- An introduction, there- 
R^. fore, is not, as is 
~ usually the case, a 
^mere repetition of 
two or more individ- 
uals' names in each others' 
presence, but it is a tacit 
pledge on the part of the in- 
• troducer that the persons intro- 
duced are fit to come into each others' 
society. Yet it must not be understood that this is 
the only way by which parties may become acquainted. 
Circumstances often occur in which persons have to 



introduce themselves, 



thus securing 

(Gl) 



great 



advantages 



62 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

to all concerned, without any sacrifice of self-respect 
or the usages of polite society. The formal introduc- 
tion is sometimes called tlie highway to friendship, 
while the "scraped" acquaintance is termed the 
by-path. • ■ 

GENERAL INTBOD UCTION 

Many persons form the habit of introducing their 
friends to every one whom they may meet without 
respect to time, place or occasion. Such a practice is 
neither necessary, desirable, nor at all times agreeable. 
In small towns and villages, however, where citizens 
are generally known to each other, the custom here 
alluded to has the effect of tendering to strangers a 
cordiality which can not otherwise be easily secured. 
While general introductions must, as a rule, be con- 
demned, it should be borne in mind that much here, 
as elsewhere in the practice of etiquette, must depend 
upon the good sense and judgment of the parties con- 
cerned. Rather be governed by circumstances, and 
always avoid anything like unkindness, rudeness or 
discourtesy. 

INTRODUCTION A SOCIAL INDORSEMENT. 

Among the Swedes, a very polite and hospitable 
people, it has been said that one individual introduc- 
ing another becomes responsible for his good behavior, 
as if he should say, ' ' Permit me to introduce my 
friend; if he cheats you, charge it to me." Such 
must be the real value of an introduction among all 
people who expect to take a place in good society. In 
the course of business, and under various circum- 
stances, we form casual acquaintances, of whom we 
really know nothing, and who may really be anything 



INTRODUCTIONS. 63 

but suitable persons for us to know. It would be 
wrong, therefore, to bring such characters to the 
favorable notice of those whom we esteem our friends. 
Pains should be taken, especially in large cities and 
towns, in making two persons acquainted, to see that 
the introduction shall be equally desirable. If it is 
at all practicable, it is best to obtain the consent of the 
party to whom the introduction is desired. Where 
this is not possible, a thorough acquaintance of the 
introducer with the parties will enable him to settle 
the point for himself. 

INTRODUCTION OF A GENTLEMAN TO A LADY. 

Good society always accords a lady the right to say 
with whom she will form an acquaintance. It is 
proper, therefore, for a gentleman desiring an intro- 
duction to a lady, to ascertain first whether or not 
such an acquaintance will be agreeable to the lady. 
Neither should a stranger be introduced into the house 
of a friend unless permission is first obtained. Never- 
theless, introductions of this nature are frequent, but 
they are improper, and should not occur. One may 
sometimes be asked to introduce one person to another, 
or a gentleman desires an introduction to a lady, but 
if he finds such an introduction would not be agree- 
able, he should decline to grant the wish. This may 
be done on the ground that one's own acquaintance is 
not sufficiently intimate to take such a liberty. 

In case a gentleman is introduced to a lady, both 
should bow slightly, and it is the duty of the gentle- 
man to start a conversation. In general, the one who 
is introduced should make the first remarks. 



64 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




INTRODUCTIONS. 65 

INTRODUCTION WITHOUT CEREMONY. 

As lias been already intimated, circumstances often 
determine the beginning of an acquaintanceship with- 
out an introduction. When parties meet at the house 
of a mutual friend, they may take such a fact as a 
sufficient guaranty for the beginning of an acquaint- ti 
anceship, should there appear to be a mutual desire to 
know each other. It is always one of the duties of 
hospitality to afford a pledge of the respectability of 
all who happen to claim it. An introduction is un- 
necessary in the formation of acquaintances among 
ladies and gentlemen who may be traveling ; but such 
friendship must be conducted with a certain amount 
of reserve, and need not be continued beyond the 
casual meeting. Dignified silence should mark the 
least indication of disrespect or undue familiarity. A 
young lady should be very careful as to the formation 
of traveling acquaintances, much more so than a mar- 
ried or even an elderly lady. 

HOW TO GIVE AN INTRODUCTION 

In giving introductions it is proper to introduce the 
gentleman to the lady, the younger to the elder, the 
inferior in social position to the superior. In giving 
the introduction, one should bow to the lady, or 
make a slight wave of the hand toward her, and say, 
" Miss A., permit me to introduce my friend Mr. B." 
The lady and gentleman bow to each other, each re- 
peating the other' s name. The gentleman, in bowing, 
should say, "I am glad to meet you," or, " It gives 
me much pleasure to make your acquaintance," or 
some similar remark. 

If gentlemen are introduced, it is customary to say, 

5 



66 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

"Mr. A., allow me to make you acquainted with 
Mr. B." The form is often shortened to, "Mr. A. — 
Mr. B." The words of an introduction are immaterial, 
so long as the proper form and order are retained. 

It is of the utmost importance in giving introductions 
to speak each name very distinctly. Failure to do 
this often involves timid persons in a painful embar- 
rassment. If either party does not distinctly under- 
stand the name of the other, he should say at once, 
and without embarrassment or hesitation, before mak- 
ing the bow, "I beg your pardon; I did not catch 
(or understand) the name." The name may then be 
repeated to him. 

When several persons are to be presented to one 
individual, it is best to mention the name of the indi- 
vidual first, and then repeat the names of the others 
in succession, bowing slightly, or waving the hand, as 
each name is called. 

True politeness always explains to the parties intro- 
duced something of the business or the residence of 
each ; or if one has recently returned from a trip of 
any kind, it is good manners to say so. Such items as 
these always aid in starting a conversation. 

INTRODUCTION DURING CALLS. 
I During calls, where parties remain in a house but a 
short time, the ceremony of introduction may be dis- 
pensed with. And yet, if it seems that such a thing 
will add to the pleasure of callers, and there be no 
objection, it is good taste to give introductions even at 
such times. Such an introduction may or may not be 
extended into an acquaintance, so that there is no obli- 
gation to recognize each other as acquaintances again, 
unless they desire to do so. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 67 

INTRODUCTION OF RELATIVES. 

Where members of one's own family are introduced, 
be careful to give both the degree of kinship and the 
name. Say, "My father, Mr. A."; "My son, Mr. A., 
or Mr. Joseph A." One's wife is simply "Mrs. A." ; 
if, however, there happens to be another Mrs. A. in 
the family, she maybe, "Mrs. A., my sister-in-law," 
etc. By giving the name, there is no ambiguity in 
the mind of the stranger as to what to call the party 
introduced. 

MENTIONING TITLES. 
In an introduction it is proper to give one his appro- 
priate title. If a clergyman, say " Rev. Mr. B." If a 
doctor of divinity, say " Rev. Dr. B." A member of 
Congress is styled "Honorable.'' Mention to which 
branch of Congress he belongs. If a Governor of a 
State, specify the State. Or if he be a man of any 
note in any pursuit which claims great ability, it is 
well to state the fact. If an author, something like 
this, "Mr. Longfellow, author of 'The Psalm of Life,' 
which you have admired so much." 

NECESSARY INTRODUCTIONS. 
A visitor at one's house must be made acquainted 
with all callers, and good manners require the latter 
to cultivate the acquaintance while the visitor remains. 
If you should be the caller introduced, you must give 
the same attention to the friend of your friend that 
you would wish to be shown to your own friends 
under similar circumstances. This rule, however, 
need not be observed in public places, and if an 
introduction takes place, the acquaintance need not be 
continued unless desired. 



68 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

CLAIMS OF AN INTRODUCTION % - 

When an introduction has taken place under proper 
circumstances, both parties have in the future certain 
claims upon each other's acquaintance. These claims 
should be recognized, unless there are good reasons 
for disregarding them. Should even that be the case, 
good manners demand the formal bow of recognition 
when meeting. This of itself encourages no famil- 
iarity. Only very poorly bred persons will meet or 
pass each other with a stare. But where it is the 
desire of both parties that the introduction should 
ripen into a friendship, each should be careful to 
maintain a reasonable degree of cordiality toward the 
other on meeting, and when mingling in society. The 
practice of shaking hands is optional, and should be 
exercised with some discretion, especially on the part 
of young and unmarried ladies. 

RECOGNITION. 

Good usage has given the lady the privilege of 
determining whether she will recognize a gentleman 
after the introduction. It is, therefore, her place to 
make the recognition first by a slight bow. The gen- 
tleman is bound to return her recognition in the same 
manner. When passing a lady on the street it is not 
enough for the gentleman to merely touch his hat, he 
should lift it from his head. 

THE "CUT." 

The " cut " is given by a continued stare at a person. 
This can only be justified at all by extraordinary and 
notoriously bad conduct on the part of the one "cut," 



INTRODUCTIONS. 69 

and it is very seldom called for. Should any one de- 
sire to avoid a bowing acquaintance with another, it 
may be done by turning aside or dropping the eyes. 
Good society will not allow a gentleman to give a lady 
the "cut" under any circumstances ; yet there may 
be circumstances in which he would be excused for 
persisting in not meeting her eyes, for should their 
eyes meet he must bow, even though she fail to grant 
him a decided recognition. 

IXTRODUCTIOX OX THE STBEET. 

An introduction should never be given on the street, 
unless it be strictly a matter of business or an emer- 
gency not to be avoided. If, when walking with a 
friend on the street, one should meet an acquaintance 
and stop a moment to speak with him, it is unneces- 
sary to introduce the two who are strangers ; but, on 
separating, the friend who is with you gives a parting 
salutation, the same as yourself. This rule is applica- 
ble to both ladies and gentlemen. 

IXTRODUCTIOX OF OXE'S SELF. 

If, when entering a reception-room to pay a visit, 
you should not be recognized, mention your name at 
once. If you happen to know one member of the 
family and you find others only in the room, make 
yourself known to them. If this is not done, much 
embarrassment and awkwardness may be the result. 
You should mention your name in an easy, self-pos- 
sessed way, and ask for the member of the family 
with whom you are acquainted. 



70 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

SHAKING HANDS ON INTROD TJGTION. 

When an introduction takes place between a lady 
and a gentleman, she should merely bow and not offer 
to shake hands unless the gentleman is an intimate 
acquaintance of some member of the family. In case 
the gentleman is a well-known friend, she may give 
him her hand in token of esteem and respect. A gen- 
tleman must not offer his hand to a lady until she has 
made the first movement. 

A married lady should offer her hand on being 
introduced to a stranger in her own house, especially 
if he has been brought to the house by her husband 
or by a mutual friend. Such an act on her part is 
indicative of a cordiality which shows the stranger 
that he is welcome and may enjoy her hospitality in 
good faith. 

While much discretion must be used on the part of 
ladies in shaking hands with gentlemen, it neverthe- 
less shows a good spirit, and where the surroundings 
are as they should be, no danger is likely to arise from 
the custom. 

Gentlemen almost invariably shake hands with each 
other on being introduced. In this case the elder of 
the two, or the superior in social standing, should 
make the first movement in offering to shake hands. 
Gentlemen, in shaking hands with ladies or with 
each other, should be careful not to grip the hand too 
closely. This often inflicts pain, and shows anything 
else but good breeding. 

WRITTEN INTRODUCTIONS. 

Much care should be exercised in the granting of 
letters of introduction. These should be given only 



INTRODUCTIONS. 71 

to intimate friends, and addressed to one with whom 
the writer has a strong personal friendship. It is both 
foolish and dangerous to give such a letter to one with 
whom the writer is but slightly acquainted. By so 
doing he may not only place himself, but also the one 
to whom the letter is addressed, in a very mortifying 
position. The author of such a letter should not only 
be confident as to the integrity of the one introduced, 
but he should be equally well assured that such an 
acquaintance will be agreeable to the one to whom the 
letter is addressed. In general, such letters should be 
given very cautiously and sparingly. 

The reader will find the form of such letters in the 
chapter on " Letter Writing." 

DELIVERING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

It is not generally best for the bearer of a letter of 
introduction to deliver it in person. The better plan 
is, on arriving in the place of residence of the party 
addressed, to send the letter to him, accompanied with 
your own card of address. If he desires to comply 
with the wish of his friend, he will at once call upon 
you. If circumstances are such that he can not call 
upon you, he will send you his card of address, and 
you may call upon him at your leisure 

DUTY OF PERSON ADDRESSED. 

In Europe, a person bearing a letter of introduction 
makes the first call. In this country, we are of the 
opinion that a stranger should not be made to feel that 
he is begging our attention. Therefore, if it is your 
wish and in your power, you should welcome at 
once and in a cordial way the one bearing a letter of 



72 



AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 



introduction addressed to yourself. Call upon him as 
soon as you receive his letter of introduction, and 
accord to him such treatment as you would be pleased 
to receive were you in his place. 

BUSINESS LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 

Letters of introduction for business purposes often 
pass between business men. Etiquette does not re- 
quire the receiver to entertain the bearer as a friend. 
The conduct of each should be gentlemanly, but the 
obligation of such a letter ceases with the transaction 
of the business in hand. However, if the acquaint- 
ance proves mutually agreeable, such a letter may be 
the basis of a real and lasting friendship. 




CHAPTER VIII 



SALUTATIONS AND GREETINGS. 

KINDS OF SALUTATIONS. 




OTHING so quickly or 
effectually indicates the 
well-bred person as the 
way in which he recog- 
nizes his fellow men on 
the street and in various 
^p other places. Salu- 
tations and greetings 
in themselves 
furnish a basis 
upon which to 
found all other matters of etiquette. 
It would be interesting and profit 
able to reveal the history which lies hidden under the 
simple "Yes, Ma'am," and "No, Sir,"" of to-day; 
also, to present the forms of salutation used among 
the various nations of the earth. We must content 
ourselves, however, with only intimating these por- 

(73) 



74 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

tions of the topic, and proceeding at once to that 
which is practical and useful to the lady or the 
gentleman of to-day. 

In England and America, the bow, the hand shak- 
ing and the kiss constitute the accepted modes of 
salutation. 

THE BOW. 

This mode of salutation is the one most generally 
used, and it is made to include quite a number of mo- 
tions which of themselves are not bows, and yet custom 
has made them to take the place of the graceful bend 
of the body which we call a bow. Between gentlemen, 
a slight inclination of the head, a wave of the hand, or 
a mere touch of the hat, is sufficient. In bowing to a 
lady the hat must be lifted from the head, but custom 
has made it permissible to touch the hat, at the same 
time slightly inclining the head. If a gentleman is 
smoking he takes the cigar from his mouth before lift- 
ing the hat, or if he has his hand in his pocket he 
removes it. 

If you know people slightly, you recognize them 
with some reserve; if you know them well, you use 
more familiarity in your salutation. At the first meet- 
ing of the eyes the bow should be given. 

The bow is the one mark of good breeding, and it 
must never be omitted, even to one with whom you 
may have had a misunderstanding, as this shows an 
incivility which can not be countenanced by good 
manners. 

Always return a bow even though you do not recog- 
nize the person who makes it, because he either knows 
you or has mistaken you for some one else, and to 



SALUTATIONS AND GREETINGS. 75 

neglect it would be to show yourself wanting in that 
which shows the great difference between the ill-bred 
and the well-bred person. 

SALUTATION, OF THE TO UNO TO THE OLD. 

An introduction always entitles one to recognition, 
and it is the duty of the younger person to make him- 
self known to the elder. He should do this by bowing, 
and should continue this until the recognition becomes 
mutual. There are two good reasons for this practice : 
first, older people have larger circles of acquaintances, 
and they do not always remember younger persons to 
whom they may have been introduced; second, older 
people are apt to forget the faces of young people and 
thus fail to recognize them. Owing to these facts 
elderly people usually wait for the young to recognize 
them before bowing, and this should always be done, 
for it shows good breeding and respect for age. 

AVOIDANCE OF RECOGNITION. 

If a bowing acquaintance is not desired with one 
who has been properly introduced, it may be broken 
by looking aside or dropping the eyes as the person 
approaches, for should the eyes meet the bow must be 
given. 

BOWING ON PROMENADES OR IN DRIVING. 

Civility requires but a single bow to a person upon a 
public promenade or in driving. If the individual is 
a friend, it is better, on subsequent passings, to smile 
slightly or exchange a word, should you catch his or 
her eye. In case of a mere acquaintance it is best to 
avert the eyes. 




(T6) 



SALUTATIONS AND GREETINGS. 77 

WORDS OF GREETING. 

"Good Morning," " Good Afternoon," " Good 
Evening," "How do you do," (often shortened to 
"Howdy," or "How d'ye do"), and "How are yon," 
are most commonly used in saluting a person. Of 
these the first three are most appropriate unless you 
stop, when you may ask after another's health by using 
one of the last three words. It is polite for the eyes to 
express a smile as these words are exchanged, but a 
broad grin should be avoided. A respectful bow should 
always accompany the words. 

SHAKING HANDS. 
With friends a shake of the hand is the most hearty 
and genuine expression of good will. "The etiquette 
of hand shaking is simple. A man has no right to take 
a lady's hand until it is offered, and has even less right 
to pinch or retain it. Two ladies shake hands gently 
and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does 
not shake a gentleman's unless she is his friend. A 
lady should always rise to give her hand ; a gentleman 
of course never dares to be seated. On introduction 
into a room, a married lady generally offers her hand ; 
a young lady, not. In a ball-room hand shaking is out 
of place, and, in general, the more public the place the 
less proper is hand shaking. In case an introduc- 
tion is accompanied with a personal recommendation ; 
such as, "I want you to know my friend Jones," or, if 
Jones comes with a strong letter of introduction, you 
must give Jones your hand, and warmly too. Lastly, 
it is the privilege of a superior to give or withhold his 
hand, so that an inferior should never put his forward 
first." 



78 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

If a lady shakes hands with a gentleman, she should 
manifest frankness and cordiality. Equal frankness 
and good will should characterize the gentleman, but 
he must be careful as to undue familiarity or anything 
which might be construed as such. 

In shaking hands the right hand should always be 
given. If that be impossible, an excuse should be 
offered. The French offer the left hand as nearest the 
heart, but it is considered bad taste to do so in this 
country. 

The mistress of a house should offer her hand to 
every guest invited to her house. This should be done 
especially where a stranger is brought into the house 
by a common friend, as an evidence of her cordial 
welcome. 

THE KISS. 

We have in the kiss the most affectionate form of 
salutation, and it is only proper among near relatives 
and dear friends. 

THE KISS OF FRIENDSHIP. 

The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the 
cheeks and forehead. This expression of affection, 
especially in this country, is usually excluded from 
the public, and, in the case of parents, children and 
near relations, too much care is taken to conceal it. 

KISSING IN PUBLIC. 

The practice of women kissing each other in public 
is decidedly vulgar, and is avoided entirely by ladies 
of delicacy and true refinement. 



CHAPTER IX 



CONVERSATION. 




OTHING can be more desirable 
than the ability to converse well ; 
not only to understand how to 
make a conversation interesting 
as to the subject and the way 
you treat it, but also to under- 
stand the proprieties that should 
characterize it. Nothing reveals 
one's character so much as his 
manner of conversation. Fight 
against it as we will, those with 
whom we converse freely know 
us better even than we know 
ourselves. It is, looking from a 
social point of view, the accom- 
plishment of accomplishments. 
It is more desirable to talk well than to sing well or 
play well. Every intelligent person should acquire the 
habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all 
topics of general interest to society, so that he may 
be both interested and interesting in the social circle. 
They who have the true taste of conversation enjoy 
themselves in a communication of each other's excel- 
lencies, and not in a triumph over their imperfections. 

(79) 



80 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Conversation warms the mind, enlivens the imagina- 
tion, and is continually starting fresh game that is 
immediately pursued and taken, which would never 
have occurred in the duller intercourse of epistolary 
correspondence. Says Montaigne, " It is good to rub 
and polish our brain against that of*others." Before 
proceeding to the consideration of special topics on 
this subject we will indulge in a few general reflections 
upon the art. In conversation a great want of manners 
is shown in loud speaking, monopolizing the greater 
part of the conversation to yourself, or hinting at dis- 
agreeable topics. With respect to the latter habit, 
when ladies are present all abstruse subjects and polit- 
ical discussions of party feeling should be avoided. 
The taste of ladies should always form the criterion of 
discourse ; hence, the lighter and more varied the sub- 
jects of discussion are, the more accessible they will 
generally be found. Again, one should by all possible 
means avoid egotism, for nothing is more displeasing 
and disgusting. Never make yourself the hero or 
heroine of your own story. Do not attempt a fine flight 
of language upon ordinary topics. To interrupt a 
person when speaking is the height of ill manners, and 
may justly cause indignation on the part of the one so 
interrupted. 

ADDRESS IN CONVERSATION. 

Conversation is an art in which very few excel. How 
often at the dinner table or in the drawing-room is the 
harmony of an elegant and refined company broken 
by a mal-a-propos observation or ill-timed discussion! 
Most men' s failure in conversation is not due to a lack 
of wit or judgment, but to a want of refinement or good 



CONVERSATION. 81 

breeding. So few know when to proceed and when 
to stop. There is an exact boundary beyond which 
an argument ought never to be pressed. Speak to 
entertain rather than to distinguish yourself. If you 
have a favorite study or employment to which you 
are peculiarly devoted, you must remember not to 
obtrude it as a topic of conversation too far, for others 
may not be equally interested with yourself upon it. 
It certainly can not be to our interest to expose our 
failings ; still less is it advisable to boast of our virtues. 
Avoid rudeness in speaking your mind upon questions 
which are matters of difference with people. This is 
exceedingly ill-timed and obtrusive. Many, under the 
pretext of speaking their mind, often disturb the har- 
mony of social intercourse, and seem too obtuse to 
perceive it. We should avoid the impertinence of 
talking too much, and at the same time avoid running 
to the other extreme of talking too little. Seek to 
interest all without being offensive to any. Have the 
bearing and maintain the dignity of a lady or gentle- 
man. Avoid that which you observe ill-timed in 
others ; notice the address of those who are acknowl- 
edged as accomplished and refined, and make them 
your models. 

CULTIVATING THE MEMORY. 

A good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring 
the art of conversation. Hence its training should be 
well looked to. Begin the training of this faculty 
early in life. When children hear a sermon or lecture 
they should be required when they come home to tell 
all they can about it. Nothing improves the memory 
like practice. It is said that Henry Clay's popularity 



82 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

as a politician was due in great part to his faculty of 
remembering the names of persons he met. At night he 
would think over the names of all the persons he had 
met that day and write them down in a note book ; in 
the morning he would look them over and fix them in 
his mind, so that when he would afterward meet any 
of them he could call them by name and even tell the 
place and circumstances of meeting. One is often 
thrown into embarrassment in society by a treacherous 
memory. At the very point of calling the name of 
an acquaintance whom you wish to introduce to an- 
other, his name slips your memory, and you are then 
under the humiliating necessity of inquiring. In con- 
versation it is very desirable to be able to recall names, 
dates and facts. Cultivate your memory. If it is a 
bad one you can improve it, and the pleasure of hav- 
ing a ready memory will more than repay you for 
your trouble. 

CORRECT TALKING. 

To use correct language in conversation is another 
matter of very great importance. It is exceedingly 
unpleasant to hear the English language butchered by 
bad grammar and the misapplication of words. It is 
supposed that every one has at least a rudimental 
education in the grammar of his language, and this is 
all that is necessary to correct talking. We learn to 
speak correctly by practice more than anything else. 
The writer is acquainted with a lady who never studied 
English grammar in her life, but she very rarely 
makes an error in conversation, and never misapplies 
a term. She has always been in good society, and has 
simply acquired the habit of speaking correctly from 



CONVEKSAIION. 83 

others. A mistake in grammar hurts her as much as 
it would the most accomplished grammarian. While 
it is necessary to have a correct style, yet it should 
not be a stiff or stilted one. 

REQUISITES FOR A GOOD TALKER. 

To be a good talker, then, requires that one should 
have much general information. This may be acquired 
by observation, by reading and study, attentive listen- 
ing to others, and a correct knowledge of the use of 
language, as well as a discretion and refinement of 
address. One should also cultivate a clear intonation, 
well chosen phraseology, and correct accent. True, 
many of these seem small acquirements, but we. must 
remember that it is the small things that make up the 
gentleman. Every one should make an effort to 
possess them, and thus fit himself for the enjoyment of 
society. 

VULGARISMS. 

The use of vulgarisms in polite conversation betrays 
at once a coarseness that is disagreeable. Simplicity 
and purity of language are the characteristics of a well 
educated and highly cultivated person. It is the un- 
educated and those who are only half educated that 
use long words and high-sounding phrases. Anything 
like flippancy should also be avoided. That "disgust- 
ingly hyperbolical" way of speaking which especially 
characterizes some young ladies, should be put aside. 
Such phrases as "awfully nice," "immensely jolly," 
"abominably stupid," and a hundred others in com- 
mon use, are high-sounding, meaningless phrases, and 
should never be used. Under this head also might 



84: AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

come provincialism sj affectations of foreign accents, 
mannerisms and slang, all of which are vulgarly out of 
place. Gentlemen should not address ladies in a 
flippant manner. Flippancy is as much an evidence 
of ill breeding as the perpetual smile, the vacant stare 
and the wandering eye. 

THE HABIT OF LISTENING. 

To be a good listener requires as much cultivation 
almost as to be a good talker. In fact, listening is 
really as much a part of the conversation as talking. 
We should listen even if the one talking is prosy and 
uninteresting, and at appropriate periods of the con- 
versation make such remarks as would show that we 
have read and understood all that has been said. We 
should always show the same courtesy to others that 
we expect from them ourselves, and hence we should 
make an effort to be interested whether we are or not. 

CHEERFULNESS AND ANIMATION. 

~Na one has a right to go into society unless he can 
be sympathetic, unselfish and animating as well as an- 
imated. Society demands cheerfulness and unselfish- 
ness, and it is the duty of every one to help make and 
sustain it in these features. The manner of conversa- 
tion is quite as important as the matter. 

COMPLIMENTS. 

Compliments are entirely admissible between equals, 
or from those of superior to those of inferior station. 
It is always pleasant to know that our friends think 
well of us, and especially those who are above us. Of 
course compliments should be sincere ; if they are not, 



CONVERSATION. 85 

they are only flattery and should be avoided. The 
saying of kind things, however, which is perfectly nat- 
ural to a kind heart, always confers a pleasure and 
should be cultivated. Never censure a child for a 
fault without at the same time mentioning some of its 
good qualities. Studiously avoid all unkindness. 
Never in a private circle speak of absent ones other 
than in a complimentary way. 

SMALL TALE. 

There is a mysterious difficulty about talking well. 
A man may have done a vast deal of reading, may have 
a good memory and a sound judgment, he may ex- 
press his thoughts in elegant language, season his con- 
versation with wit and be a walking encyclopsedia, and 
after all be a dull companion. It must be borne in 
mind that all the world do not read books, and many 
of those who do, never care about them. Everybody, 
however, loves to talk. When we are wearied with 
toil or tired with thought we naturally love to chat, 
and it is pleasant to hear the sound of one's own voice. 
What we mean by small talk is, talk upon common, 
every-day matters, about the little trifling and innocent 
things of usual occurrence ; in short, that vast world of 
topics upon which every one can talk, and which are 
as interesting to children and simple minded persons 
as the greater questions are to the learned. Many 
affect a great measure of wisdom by speaking contempt- 
uously of common-place talk, but it is only affected. 
Real wisdom makes a man an agreeable companion. 
Talk upon those topics which appear to interest your 
hearers most, no matter how common they may be. 
The real wisdom and power of a conversationalist is 



86 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

shown in making a common-place topic interesting. 
Many imagine that it is an easy matter to talk about 
nothing or every-day occurrences, but it requires an 
active and observant mind, and no small share of 
invaluable good humor, to say something on every- 
thing to everybody. If a man is never to open his 
mouth but for the enunciation of some profound 
aphorism, or something that has never been said ; if 
he is to be eternally talking volumes and discussing 
knotty problems, his talk becomes a burden, and he 
will find that but few of his audience will be willing 
to listen to him. Small talk obviates the necessity of 
straining the mind and assuming unnatural attitudes, 
as though you were exerting your mental powers. It 
puts the mind at ease. There is no intention of saying 
anything profound, and nobody is disappointed if you 
do not, so in this way time may be spent agreeably 
and to the enjoyment of all. 

FLATTERY. 

Flattery is an ensnaring quality, and leaves a very 
dangerous impression. It swells a man's imagination, 
entertains his fancy, and drives him to doting upon his 
person. u He does me double wrong," says Shakes- 
peare, " that wounds me with the flatteries of his 
tongue." Never be guilty of the habit. Testify your 
respect, your admiration and your gratitude by deeds 
rather than words. The former will carry confirmation, 
while few will believe the latter. 

SATIRE AND RIDICULE. 

Young persons appear most ridiculous when trying 
to make others ridiculous by satire or ridicule. To 



CONVERSATION. 87 

such weapons as these cultivated people never resort. 
They find too much to correct in themselves to indulge 
in coarse censure of the foibles and conduct of others. 

TITLES. 

In addressing persons with titles always add the 
name, as "How do you do, Doctor Griffin?" not " How 
do you do, Doctor?" In addressing foreigners the re- 
verse of the English rule is observed. !No matter what 
the title of a Frenchman is, he is always addressed as 
Monsieur, and you never omit the word Madame 
whether addressing a duchess or a dressmaker. To 
omit the proper title in society is a sign of ill breeding. 

ADAPTABILITY IN CONVERSATION. 

The secret of talking well is to adapt your conversa- 
tion to your company. Some talk common-place alto- 
gether, while others seek more abstract subjects to the 
entire exclusion of small talk. One must be able to 
keenly detect what is interesting to his hearer, and 
govern himself accordingly. 

HOW A HUSBAND SHOULD SPEAK OF HIS WIFE. 

It is improper for a gentleman to say "ray wife," 
except to intimate acquaintances ; he should mention 
her as Mrs. So-and-so. When in private he may use 
the expression "my dear," or simply the Christian 
name. 

HOW A LADY SHOULD SPEAK OF HER HUSBAND 



She should not say "my husband," except among 
intimates. She should designate him by his name, 



88 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

calling him "Mr."; or a young wife may designate* 
her husband by his Christian name. 

IMPERTINENT QUESTIONS. 

Never ask impertinent questions. Never betray a 
curiosity to know of the private and domestic affairs 
of others. A thousand questions of this sort are asked 
which often cause embarrassment. 

VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS 

Such exclamations as " The Dickens," or "Mercy," 
or "Good Gracious," should never be used. If you 
are surprised or astonished, suppress the fact. Such 
expressions border closely on profanity. 

CONVERSING WITH LADIES 

A gentleman should never lower the intellectual 
standard in conversing with ladies. He should con- 
sider them as equal in understanding with himself. A 
lady of intelligence will not feel complimented by any 
means, if, when you talk to her, you "come down" 
to common-place topics. 

THINGS TO BE AVOIDED. 

Do not lose your temper in society; avoid all coarse- 
ness and undue familiarity in addressing others ; never 
attack the character of others in their absence ; avoid 
all cant ; do not ask the price of articles you observe,, 
except from intimate friends, and then very quietly ;. 
never give officious advice ; and especially avoid con- 
tradictions and interruptions. 



CHAPTER X. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 



ANJSTERS are made for the con- 
venience and comfort of men. 
All social observances are 
founded upon good reason and 
common sense. It may seem 
to us that society has adopted 
a great many useless customs, 
but, generally speaking, it is 
not so, for the observance of 
these customs will enable us to 
be more agreeable, or at least 
not disagreeable, to friends. 

The distinction between the 
gentleman and the boor is more 
clearly noted at table than anywhere else. Nothing 
reflects more upon home training than bad manners 
here. If, then, we would merit the title of lady or 
gentleman, it is necessary that we may be able, natu- 
rally and easily, to show our good breeding by gen- 
tility at the table. Here, especially, may it be said 
that good manners can not be assumed for an occasion. 
Children must be taught by parents, both by precept 
and example, to be attentive and polite to each other 




iMlKliiipe 



90 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



at every meal ; to observe proper rules of etiquette 
regularly. If they are so taught, there is no danger 
that they will ever appear rude, awkward or unman- 
nerly when they are entertaining, or are entertained as 
guests. Thus, this every-day encouragement of the 
observance of simple and sensible table manners pro- 
motes the comfort and cultivation of the family, and 
takes the embarrassment out of important occasions. 




CHEERFULNESS IN THE DINING-ROOM. 

The hour of dining should be made an hour of solid 
comfort. The dining-room, the table and all the ap- 
purtenances should be as cheerful as possible. The 
room should be comfortable, bright and cosy, and at 
the table the mistress should wear her brightest smile. 
If you have trials and troubles, do not bring them to 
the table. They impair digestion, and send husband 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 91 

and children to business and to school glum and 
gloomy, instead of refreshed and strengthened. It 
was always one of Gen. Washington' s rules of polite- 
ness never to talk upon a sad and dispiriting subject 
at the table, but rather to make the conversation jovial 
and jocular. Taste will add beauty to the plainest 
room ; neatness and skill will add appetite to the 
homeliest fare. Little attentions to the decorations 
or pretty arrangement of the table will charm the 
eye and whet the appetite, and make the home table 
powerfully attractive. 

CHILDREN S 1TANNEBS. 

Rudeness and "ugliness" from the children at table 
should not be permitted. Bad manners should be 
restrained at all places ; but more especially should 
children be required to observe the rules of common 
politeness at table. They should be regularly taught 
to say, "Will you please," "I thank you," etc., not 
only when they are aAvay from home, or when com- 
pany is present, but constantly at their own home 
table. It then becomes a habit. All habits of 
eagerness or greediness in eating should be carefully 
guarded against ; and all persons should learn by 
their training to make their manners at table espe- 
cially attractive and agreeable 

It is not our purpose here to write special rules of 
etiquette to be observed at social dinners and impor- 
tant receptions, of the duties of the host and hostess 
on such occasions, and the like, but rather to speak 
of common rules of table manners which are to be 
observed constantly in the family, at home or abroad. 



92 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

To this end we can probably say more in a short space 
of time by bringing nnder one head 

GENEBAL RULES ON TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

When you are at the table do not show restlessness, 
by fidgeting in your seat, or moving the feet about 
unnecessarily. 

Do not play with the table utensils, or crumble the 
bread. This is annoying to persons who have been 
trained correctly in youth. 

Do not put your elbows on the table, or sit too far 
back, or lounge. 

Do not talk loud or boisterously. 

Be cheerful in conduct and conversation. 

Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. 

Do not bend the head low down over the plate. The 
food should go to the mouth, not the mouth to the 
food. 

Never tilt back your chair while at table, or at any 
other time. 

Do not be conspicuously careful as to your clothing. 
It is very properly regarded as impolite to manifest 
regret for any accident that may have befallen your 
dress. Good manners require that as little attention 
as possible be paid to these, and that one should turn 
the conversation as quickly as possible to some other 
subject. 

Do not talk when the mouth is full. 

Never make a noise while eating. 

Do not open the mouth while chewing, but keep the 
lips closed. It is not necessary to show persons how 
you masticate your food. 



TABLE ETIQUETTE. 93 

Never indicate that you notice anything unpleasant 
in the food. 

Chew the food well, but quietly and slowly. 

Break your bread, when not buttered ; do not bite 
nor cut it. 

Do not break your bread into soup, nor mix with 
gravy. It is in bad taste to mix food on the plate. 

Never leave the table before the rest of the family 
or guests, without asking the host or hostess to excuse 
you. 

Eat soup from the side of a spoon, without noise. 

The fork is used to convey the food to the mouth, 
except when a spoon is necessary for liquids. 

Raw oysters are eaten with a fork. 

If you wish to be served with more tea or coffee, 
place your spoon in your saucer. 

Tea or coffee should never be poured into the saucer 
to cool, but sipped from the cup. 

If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first and 
then pass it on. 

We can not do better, in closing this chapter, than 
to quote from an eminent authority in housekeeping 
etiquette : "Let no one suppose that, because she lives 
in a small house and dines on homely fare, the general 
principles here laid down do not apply to her. A 
small house is more easily kept clean than a palace. 
Taste may be quite as well displayed in the arrange- 
ment of dishes on a pine table, as in grouping the 
silver and china of the rich. Skill in cooking is as 
readily shown in a baked potato or johnny-cake as in 
a canvas-back duck. The charm of good housekeeping 
lies in a nice attention to little things, not in a super- 



94 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



abundance. A dirty kitchen and bad cooking have 
driven many a husband and son, and many a daugh- 
ter, too, from a home that should have been a refuge 
from temptation. ' Bad dinners go hand in hand with 
total depravity ; while a properly fed man is already 
half saved.' " 




CHAPTER XL 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 



RUE politeness is not a 
garment that can be put 
on and off at pleasure. It 
is habit pursued persist- 
ently until it has grown 
into the nature and be- 
come abiding. On the 
streets, in public convey- 
ances, amid the jostling 
crowd, beneath the care 



and fret of work, as well 
as in the sunshine of the 
drawing-room, it is ever present. The true gentleman 
and lady are always kind and courteous to all they 
meet, regarding not merely the rights of others, but 
even their wishes and feelings. Where a gentleman 
can render aid, he kindly gives it ; nor does he ever 
fail in respect for ladies, or his superiors in age and 
rank. Let no one hesitate in acts of politeness for 
fear he will not meet with a proper recognition and 
return. If courtesy is answered by neglect or insult, 
whose fault is that except the boorish person' s % 

(95) 




96 



AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 



OSTENTATION. 

Do not try to " show yourself off" upon the streets. 
The true secret of street deportment is to do so nearly 
as other people do, that you attract no special atten- 
tion. A peculiar and affected gait or swinging of the 
cane, cocking of the head to one side, wearing the hat 
"on one ear," holding cigar in affected manner, and 
many other similar things, are evident marks of ver- 
dancy and shallowness. Hallooing and boisterous 
talking and laughing are to be avoided. 




STREET ETIQUETTE. 97 

SALUTATIONS. 

Salutations in the streets vary with the circum- 
stances. In some cases we simply bow ; in others we 
bow and touch the hat. Words of greeting may or 
may not accompany the salutation. Generally, gentle- 
men should lift the hat from the head in saluting 
ladies, or men entitled to great respect. 

WHOM TO RECOGNIZE. 

No one, while walking the streets, should fail, either 
through carelessness or willful neglect, to recognize 
acquaintances. When a gentleman meets a gentleman 
acquaintance in company with a lady whom he does 
not know, he lifts his hat as he salutes them both. If 
acquainted with the lady, he salutes her first. A gen- 
tleman should return a salutation addressed to the 
lady he accompanies. No gentleman can fail to return 
a salutation addressed to him by a lady. 

THE FIRST TO BOW. 

In this country it is customary for a gentleman to 
bow and lift his hat to every lady acquaintance whom j 
he meets ; and, if she is well bred, she will return the 
greeting. The salutations can usually be simulta- 
neous. 

"CUTTING." 

To "cut" an acquaintance by refusing to return a 
salutation should be avoided ; except, perhaps, where 
a young lady finds it necessary to use severe means to 
rid herself of a troublesome would-be gentleman. 

7 



98 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



KEEP TO THE RIGHT. 

In passing people, turn to the right. But a gentle- 
man walking alone should give the preferred part of 
the walk to a lady, to a superior in age or station, or 
to a person carrying a burden. 




INQUISITIVENESS. 

When you meet or join an acquaintance on the street 
ask no intrusive questions about where he is going, or 
where he has been, or about any package he may be 
carrying. Let him make the first advance on these 
themes. Prying curiosity is indelicate, even if the 
victim be your most intimate friend. 



STBEET ETIQUETTE. 99 

KEEPING STEP. 

Persons walking together on the street should keep 
step ; especially if walking arm-in-arm. 

LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER. 

A gentleman walking with a lady may take either 
side of the walk ; but he will always give her the pre- 
ferred side, or that on which she will be least exposed 
to crowding — usually the side toward the wall. On 
having crossed the street, to unlock arms and inter- 
change positions is too formal. 

WALKING ARM-IN-ARM. 

Under ordinary circumstances it is not customary 
for a gentleman and lady to walk the streets arm-in- 
arm in the daytime ; unless they be husband and 
wife, or are otherwise closely related, as parent and 
son or daughter. But, in the evening, or when her 
safety or comfort seem to require it, a gentleman will 
offer a lady his arm, and she should accept. 

STOPPING PEOPLE ON THE STREET. 

It is uncivil to stop a person in the street to speak 
on business of your own. An inferior should on no 
pretense detain a superior, nor a gentleman a lady. 
If you wish to speak about something interesting to 
both, turn and walk the same way as the person you 
meet is going. A gentleman must always observe this 
rule when he wishes to confer with a lady. When he 
has finished what he has to say, he leaves her with a 
bow and lift of the hat. It is optional with a lady 
whether she shall stop to speak. 



100 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

When two gentlemen who are intimate friends meet, 
and there is a mutual desire to stop and converse, they 
may of course do so, provided they retire to the side 
of the walk. 

If you stop a friend who has a stranger with him, 
apologize to the stranger. An introduction is not 
necessary. 

When on your way to fulfill an engagement, if a 
friend stops you, you may excuse yourself courte- 
ously, mentioning the fact that you have an engage- 
ment. 

WHERE TO LOOK. 

Look in the way you are going, both to avoid col- 
lisions and because it is bad manners to stare in any 
other direction. If you chance to see an acquaintance 
at a window you should bow; but, by all means, do 
not stare into houses. Avoid looking full into the 
faces of strangers whom you meet, especially of ladies. 

SHOPPING ETIQUETTE. 

Say to the salesman, "Please show me such an 
article," or use some other polite form of expression. 
Avoid "jewing," and never give insult by offensively 
suggesting that you can do better elsewhere. Do not 
needlessly consume the time of the clerk and keep 
other customers waiting. If you find friends in the 
store, it is uncivil to interrupt them in any manner 
while they are making their purchases. Above all, do 
not volunteer your criticism either upon their taste or 
upon the goods. It is exceedingly rude to the sales- 
man to sneer at or depreciate his wares. If you do 
not see what you want, or are not satisfied with the 
prices, quietly retire. 



STREET ETIQUETTE. 101 

ETIQUETTE FOR PUBLIC CONVEYANCES. 

In public conveyances one should do nothing to dis- 
commode or annoy his fellow passengers. No gentle- 
man will keep his seat while ladies are standing for 
want of room; nor will he keep other gentlemen 
standing by occupying unnecessary space. A lady on 
accepting a seat from a gentleman will thank him. 
Never engage in loud conversation or argument, such 
as will attract the attention of other passengers. Gen- 
tlemen will not stretch their feet into the passage way. 

JOINING A LADY ON THE STREET. 

A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on 
the street for the purpose of walking with her, unless 
he ascertains that his company will be perfectly agree- 
able to her. 

CARRYING PACKAGES. 

A gentleman walking with a lady will offer to carry 
any package which she may have in her hand. He 
may even accost a lady whom he sees overburdened, 
and tender his assistance. 

OPENING THE BOOB. 

If practicable, a gentleman should hold open the 
door for a lady to enter first, be it the lady accom- 
panying him or a stranger. He should never pass 
before a lady unless it is unavoidable, and even then 
be sure to apologize. 

ANSWERING QUESTIONS. 

A gentleman will answer politely any question from 
a lady, at the same time lifting his hat. 



102 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

STREET LOAFING. 

No gentleman is ever guilty of standing in public 
places and offensively gazing at ladies as they pass. 

SMOKING. 

A gentleman should not smoke while he is walking 
with a lady; nor will he smoke in any conveyance or 
room where ladies are present. 

WHO GOES FIRST. 

When a gentleman and lady are walking together, 
if, on account of the crowd, or for any other reason, 
they must proceed singly, the gentleman should pre- 
cede ; except in descending a flight of stairs. 

STREET MANNERS OF A LADY. 

The true lady walks the streets unostentatiously and 
with becoming reserve. So long as she maintains this 
character she is sacred from insult or injury, even by 
the rudest. She recognizes acquaintances with a 
courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. 
She appears unconscious of all sights and sounds 
which a lady ought not to perceive. 

ASKING AND RECEIVING FAVORS. 

A lady never demands favors from a gentleman, but 
accepts them gracefully when offered. She may with 
perfect propriety accept aid of a stranger in entering 
or alighting from a conveyance. She should acknowl- 
edge the courtesy with a bow or thanks. 



STEEET ETIQUETTE. 



103 



AVOIDING CABBIAGES. 



For a lady to run across the street before a carriage 
is inelegant and dangerous. 




STREET ACQUAINTANCES. 

A lady never forms acquaintances of gentlemen on 
the streets, nor does she do anything to court their 
attention. 

WALKING ALONE IN EVENING. 

A young lady should never walk the streets alone 
after dark. 



CHAPTER XII, 



TRAVELING. 




lEADING gives fullness, 
writing exactness, and 
speaking readiness of in- 
formation ; but it remains 
for traveling to combine 
all of these things in one. 
To the traveler belong 
piquancy of conversa- 
tion, liberality of view, 
|£ and charity of judg- 
j|| ment, which come only 
from contact with 
strange places and 
many people. ISTo one 
can hope to become 
thoroughly polished 
and refined in the manners of his time, unless he be 
cosmopolitan in his experience. Traveling is an art, 
and to be successful, one needs an understanding of 
the many little rules and amenities to be observed 
while en route, and in stopping at hotels and other 
places. Full directions as to manners, and what is to 
be done by the traveler, follow. 

(105) 



W&±&^-i^±p^ - 



106 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



DUTIES OF AN ESCOBT. 



To a lady taking a journey, an escort is agreeable 
and acceptable, however ladylike, self-possessed and 
capable of making the journey alone she may be. If 
a gentleman undertakes the escort of a lady, he 
should go with her to the depot, or meet her there, 
attend to checking her baggage, purchase her ticket, 
procure for her an acceptable seat in the cars, dispose 
of her hand-baggage and packages properly, and 
strive to make her seat and surroundings agreeable. 
He should take a seat near her, or, if requested, by 
her side, and do all he can to make her journey a 
pleasant one. When her destination is reached, he 
should conduct her to a carriage or ladies' waiting- 
room, until he has attended to her baggage according 
to her instructions. He should accompany her to 
whatever part of the city she wishes to go, and deliver 
her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his 
care. He should call upon her the following day, and 
inquire after her health. It is optional with the lady 
whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged after 
this call. If the lady does not wish the acquaintance 
prolonged, she and her friends can have no right to 
ask a similar favor of him again. 

DUTY OF A LADY TO HER ESCORT. 

At the suggestion of her escort, the lady may allow 
him to defray the expense of her journey out of his 
own pocket without settling with him at the end of 
the journey, but she should not do this. She should 
offer him a sum of money ample to pay all expenses 
of the journey before purchasing her ticket. The 



TKAVELINO. 107 

former course should be pursued only when suggested 
by the gentleman, and a strict account of all expenses 
should be insisted upon. Ladies should be very par- 
ticular about this point. 

A lady should make no unnecessary demands upon 
her escort, and should cause him as little trouble as 
possible. Her hand- baggage should remain undis- 
turbed, unless absolutely needed. She will gather 
her baggage together as the train nears the end of the 
journey, and, when the train stops, she will be pre- 
pared to leave the cars at once, and not cause her 
escort needless delay. 

ONE LADY MAY ESCORT ANOTHER. 

It is the right and duty of ladies to assist, or render 
needed services to those who are younger or less ex- 
perienced in traveling than themselves. They should 
be courteous, give advice, and strive to make the jour- 
ney as pleasant as possible to younger or inexperi- 
enced ladies. It is optional whether an acquaintance 
formed in traveling is retained afterward. 

LADY TRAVELING ALONE. 

If a lady is traveling alone, she may accept services 
from her fellow travelers. A gentleman should offer 
to raise or lower windows, offer his assistance in carry- 
ing packages from the car, engaging a carriage or 
attending to a trunk. It is advisable, however, for 
ladies to study self-reliance. Young ladies should 
very rarely accept proffered assistance from strangers. 

COMFORT AND WANTS OF OTHERS. 

In seeking his own comfort a passenger should 
always consult the wishes and look to the welfare of 



108 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

passengers immediately around Mm. Do not raise a 
window unless you know it will not be a discomfort 
to another. Look to the wants of elderly people and 
ladies, before you think of your own. Do not rush 
and push in entering or leaving cars or boats. A sel- 
fish act might endanger the health of a fellow traveler. 




FORMING ACQUAINTANCES. 

When traveling, discretion should be used in form- 
ing acquaintances. Ladies may accept small favors, 
but any attempt at familiarity must be checked at 
once. Gentlemen will not attempt familiarity. The 
practice, of flirting with young men on the cars or a 
boat, so common among young girls, is unladylike, 
and indicates extreme low breeding. If the journey 



TRAVELING. 109 

is long, and on a steamboat, fellow passengers should 
be sociable to one another ; and a married lady or 
middle aged lady is privileged to make the journey 
enjoyable. 

RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT. 

A gentleman may take possession of a seat by de- 
positing his overcoat or traveling bag upon it, to show- 
that it is engaged. He may then go to purchase his 
ticket or procure a lunch, and no one should take the 
seat thus engaged, not even for a lady. A gentleman 
leaving his seat and taking another in the smoking-car, 
can not reserve his rights to the first seat. He pays for 
one seat only, and in taking another he forfeits the 
first. A gentleman is not required to relinquish his 
seat in a railway car in favor of a lady, though a gen- 
tleman of good breeding will do so rather than allow 
a lady to stand or suffer inconvenience. No woman 
should be allowed to stand in a street-car, when seats 
are occupied by gentlemen. 

OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS. 

If a car is crowded, a lady will not retain more than 
her rightful seat. She should cheerfully arrange her 
baggage, that the seat beside her may be occupied by 
any one who desires it. 

If two persons, either gentlemen or ladies, are so 
ill-mannered as to turn over the seat in front of them 
and fill it with baggage and wraps, and retain it while 
others are unaccommodated, any person who wishes, 
is justified in reversing the back, removing the bag- 
gage, and taking possession of the seat. 



CHAPTER XIII. 



HIDING AND DRIVING. 




IDING on horseback is one 
of the most healthful and 
animating amusements that 
can be engaged in, by either 
ladies or gentlemen. Young 
ladies should learn to ride on 
horseback, and participate in 
this enjoyable exercise as 
much as possible. Too many 
young men think themselves 
above horseback riding, when, 
in fact, they can not engage 
in a more fashionable, bene- 
ficial and delightful amuse- 
ment. 



LEAJRNING TO BIDE. 

No one should attempt to appear in public on 
horseback until after practicing several times, or until 
he or she has learned to appear at ease. When 
riding, keep the body erect, and the head up. Press 
your knees close to your horse's sides. Keep one arm 

close to your side, and let it hang gracefully. Hold 

(in) 



112 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



the reins in one hand, and keep the hand directly over 
the "horn" of the saddle, with the elbow close to 
your side. 




THE GENTLEMAN'S DUTY AS AN ESCORT. 

When a gentleman has an engagement to go riding 
with a lady, he should be very careful in select- 
ing her horse, and should procure one that she can 
easily manage. It is his duty to see that her saddle 
and bridle are perfectly secure ; trust* nothing to the 
stable men, without personal examination. He must 
not keep the lady waiting, clad in her riding costume, 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 113 

but he must be punctual at the appointed hour. 
Before he mounts himself,- he must see that the lady 
is comfortably seated in her saddle. He should take 
his position on the right of the lady in riding, open all 
gates, pay all tolls on the road, and be constantly on 
the lookout for anything that might frighten the 
lady's horse. Every attention possible should be 
rendered her. 

ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT. 

The lady should place herself on the left side of the 
horse, standing as close to it as possible. She will 
place one hand on the saddle, the other on the gentle- 
man's shoulder, as he kneels for the purpose, and the 
left foot in his hand, and, by a slight spring, will be 
nicely seated in the saddle. The gentleman will then 
adjust her foot to the stirrup, neatly fold the riding- 
habit, and give her the reins and her riding-whip. 

ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM HER HORSE. 

The gentleman must assist the lady to alight after 
the ride. She should first free her knee from the 
pommel, and then disengage her habit. He must then 
take her left hand in his right, and offer his left hand 
as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand slowly 
and allows her to reach the ground gently, without 
springing. It is dangerous for a lady to spring from 
a saddle, and hence it should not be attempted. 

RIDING WITH LADIES. 

A gentleman should take his position on the right of 
a lady in riding. If there are two or more, his posi- 
tion is still to the right, unless his presence near one 

8 



114 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



is requested, or his assistance needed. It is the duty 
of a gentleman to offer all the courtesies of the road 
and yield the shadiest and best side to the ladies. The 
pace at which to ride must always be decided by the 
lady, and it is unkind to urge her horse to a more 
rapid gait than she desires. 

If a gentleman is riding alone and meets a lady who 
is walking, and desires to speak with her, he must 
alight and remain on foot while talking with her. 




DRIVING AND CARRIAGE ETIQUETTE. 

Ladies who are invited to drive with gentlemen, at a 
certain hour, should be ready exactly at the moment. 



) 

RIDING AND DRIVING. 115 

It is neither well-bred nor dignified to keep any one 
waiting who has made an appointment conducive to 
your pleasure. Have everything ready, gloves on 
and buttoned up, and all arrangements of the toilet 
complete. 

The seat facing the horses in a double carriage is the 
choicest, and gentlemen should always yield it to the 
ladies. A gentleman should sit opposite a lady in a 
two-seated carriage unless invited to sit by her. The 
right hand of the seat facing the horses is the place of 
honor, and belongs to the hostess, which she never 
resigns. It must be offered to the most distinguished 
lady, if the hostess is not driving. No gentleman will 
smoke when driving with ladies. A lady who is 
invited to drive with a gentleman can not offer to take 
a friend with her. 

A person, to prevent turning around in the carriage, 
should enter with the back to the seat. A young lady 
driving with a gentleman should resent any undue 
approach to familiarity. Above all, she should avoid 
late hours, if driving on a summer evening. It is her 
duty to remind her escort that it is growing late. It 
is not prudent to drive later than nine o'clock, unless 
there is a party driving in company, or the escort is a 
relative or an old and trusted friend. A gentleman will 
not ask a young lady to compromise herself by driving 
with him at an unseemly hour. Fast driving should 
only be practiced with a fast horse. A pleasant, rapid 
trot is safer and more enjoyable than going at a break- 
neck speed. A gentleman should always wear gloves 
when driving with a lady. It is the custom for the 
gentleman driving to sit on the right of the lady, but 
in Boston it is the reverse, unless the lady is his wife, 



116 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

sister or some near relative. A lady should always be 
sure that she has a safe escort and a safe horse. In 
driving, one should always remember that the rule of 
the road, in meeting and passing another vehicle, is to 
keep to the right. It is rude to turn backward and 
look at objects that have been passed, or to stare about 
and point to houses, or to other parties in carriages. 
A dignified composure of manner should be maintained 
when driving, neither reclining too much, nor sitting 
bolt upright. To drive past all other carriages in a 
violent manner is inexcusable. 

In assisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman 
will see that her skirt or dress is protected from the 
wheel, mud or dust. A carriage robe should be pro- 
vided for this purpose. Before seating himself, the 
gentleman should provide the lady with her shawl, 
parasol and fan, and see that she is comfortable in 
every way. 

In assisting a lady to alight from a carriage, a gen- 
tleman will, when convenient, alight first. If to alight 
first he would have to pass in front of the ladies or step 
over them, it is better to aid them in alighting first. 
If there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may 
hold open the door, but the gentleman must by all 
means furnish the ladies the required assistance. It 
should be remembered that the greatest politeness in 
such matters is to do that which the least embarrasses 
the ladies. 

If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before 
the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to 
assist her out, and wait on the pavement during her 
stay. If a lady wishes to speak with a friend or 
acquaintance who may be walking on the street, the 



EIDING AND DRIVING. 



ir 



gentleman should stop the carriage, alight, hold open 
the door with one hand and hold his hat in the other. 

It should be remembered by lovers that hedges and 
stone walls have ears. Many absurd scenes of love- 
making have been witnessed from behind these screens. 

Interference with the driver implies a reproof, which 
is very offensive. If you are in fear of danger resulting 
from his driving, you may suggest a change, apolo- 
gizing therefor. Resign yourself to the driver' s con- 
trol, and be perfectly calm and self-possessed during 
the course of a drive. 




^rirr^ 



CHAPTER XIV. 



ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC PLACES. 



SN" the public assembly we come most in con- 
tact with our fellow men at large. 
Here there are laid down for society 
certain rules, which we must observe 
if we have regard for the feelings of 
others. These rules are not arbi- 
trary, but, like all other rules of 
politeness, are founded upon natu- 
ral instincts and common sense. As 
it is self- evidently improper in con- 
versation to contradict bluntly, or to 
interrupt another while talking, so 
there are improprieties in the public 
assemblage so manifestly unbecom- 
| ing that the well-bred man instinct- 
&IIyc3"" ively refrains from them. Common 
2==s3gi=3s^- sense, a desire to treat others as you 
would be treated, refinement of feelings, and natural 
instincts as to right and wrong, will readily lead one 
to the exercise of good behavior in all public places. 
Yet how often do we see persons, from the lack of 
some of these qualities, from ignorance, thoughtless- 
ness, carelessness or lack of refined instincts, con- 
stantly violating the etiquette of public assemblages 

(119) 




^aO 



120 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

or the public street. Many persons, from lack of 
care on the subject, fail to do, and often to know, 
what the common rules of civility demand in such 
places, and may, therefore, read with benefit the 
commonplace and ordinary regulations of refinement 
in this respect. 

CONDUCT IN PUBLIC CONVEYANCES. 

In railway cars no one has a right to more than one 
seat, unless more than one is paid for. To beat time or 
shuffle the feet, or make any monotonous noise, which 
is a nuisance to fellow travelers, shows bad breeding 
or neglect in training. When you have jostled or 
incommoded a person, you should be quick to say, 
"I beg your pardon." When you receive attention 
or a favor, acknowledge it by "I thank you," instead 
of "Thanks." We notice that " Thanks" has become 
a vulgarism from the abuse of the word. A gentleman 
will stand, if necessary, to give a lady a seat, and he 
will not smoke when ladies are in the car. 

CONDUCT IN CHURCH. 

The congregation who build a church, build it and 
continue to regard it as the house of God. It is, then, 
a place where the greatest deference, respect and rev- 
erence are due. It does not matter whether you are a 
professed Christian, indifferent to religion, or an 
avowed infidel; when you are in a house belonging to 
persons who regard it as the house of God, this 
respect is due. A person is bound by the laws of 
civility to refrain from acting in your house in a way 
which it is known you regard as improper. So are you 
bound to refrain from conduct regarded as improper 



ETIQUETTE IJtf PUBLIC PLACES. 121 

in the houses of others. It is not a question as to how 
much respect you have for religion. A polite man, a 
man of refined sentiments, will not scoff at or ridicule 
a neighbor' s religious belief in that neighbor' s house. 
The reviler and scoffer have lost the instincts of polite- 
ness and reverence. While in church, then, we should 
be respectful and reverent, attentive to the services, 
preserving the utmost silence, avoiding whispering, 
laughing, staring, or making a noise with the feet or 
hands. 

It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is 
unavoidably late it is better to take a seat as near the 
door as possible. But if not late, and the seats in the 
front part of the auditorium are not occupied, respect- 
ful decorum requires that a back seat shall not be 
taken. This rale is especially applicable to young 
people. Its observance shows a desire to pay respect- 
ful attention to the services. 

It is the height of rudeness to turn around in your 
seat to gaze at any one, to watch the choir, to watch 
anxiously to see who is coming in, to give critical 
glances at people' s clothes, or to look over the congre- 
gation to see the cause of a disturbing noise. 

A person should never leave church until the ser- 
vices are over, except in some case of emergency. 

If books or fans are passed in church, let it be done 
quietly; they may be offered, and accepted or refused 
by a silent gesture of the head. If a stranger occupies 
.your pew, it is courteous to provide him with a book ; 
if the service is strange to him, the place of reading 
may be indicated. If there be no separate prayer 
book or hymn book for a stranger, it is proper to offer 
to share yours with him. 



122 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

If you are visiting a church different in belief from 
your own, or one for whose ceremony you have but 
little respect, still pay the utmost respect to the ser- 
vices, and conform respectfully to all the observances 
of the congregation, i. e. , kneel, sit and rise as the con- 
gregation is accustomed to do. By all means never 
permit a contemptuous smile or remark to indicate 
that a religious observance strikes you as grotesque or 
peculiar. This rule should be carefully regarded no 
matter where you are, in whatever religious assem- 
bly — alike in the temple of the Christian, the Budd- 
hist, the Moslem or the Hindoo. 

A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering 
the vestibule of the auditorium. 

If visiting a strange church, you should wait in the 
vestibule until an usher appears to show you to a seat. 
A well-ordered congregation will as soon think of 
doing without a preacher as an usher. 

When a gentleman accompanies a lady to church he 
may walk up the aisle a little ahead of or by her side, 
allowing the lady to enter the pew first. There should 
be no haste in passing. When the services are con- 
cluded, there should be no haste or crowding toward 
the door, but the departure should be conducted 
quietly and orderly. It is very improper to stop in 
the aisle to converse, and thus blockade the passage- 
way. That is one of the uses of the vestibule ; and 
when that is reached, it is allowable to exchange greet- 
ings with friends. The practice that rude boys have, 
of waiting on the steps or at the door of a church, for 
the crowd to pass out, compelling the ladies to run 
the gauntlet of their eyes, can not be too severely con- 
demned. No gentleman will engage in it. Every 



ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC PLACES. 123 

gentleman regards it as a contemptible practice, wor- 
thy only of the buffoon or boor, even a disgrace to a 
respectable community. 

CONDUCT IN A PUBLIC HALL. 

Gentlemen should precede ladies, to clear the way, 
in a public hall, unless there is an usher preceding 
them. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her 
the inner one, assuming the outer one himself. He 
should on no account leave the lady's side from the 
beginning to the close of the performance. 

Some acts which, we are sorry to say, are often to 
be seen among young people at public entertainments 
are so manifestly improper, it is not necessary to com- 
ment upon them here ; a mere suggestion will suffice. 
To talk and laugh in tones loud enough to disturb 
others, to whisper, to force one's self into a seat 
already full, to elbow one' s way through a crowd, to 
unnecessarily obstruct the view of others, to make any 
noise which would disturb the performance, or to 
interfere with the rights of others, are all properly 
regarded as acts of flagrant rudeness. 

A gentleman accompanying a lady is under no obli- 
gation to give up his seat to another lady. His duty 
is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. 

Persons attending a public performance, concert, 
lecture, opera or theatre, should be appreciative of 
the excellent parts of the performance, and express 
their appreciation and satisfaction by proper applause. 

By all means remain in your seat till the close of 
the performance. The practice of leaving the hall 
while the performance is in progress, or while it is 
drawing to a close, is justly regarded as offensive. 



124 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



Common politeness to the performers, a conrteons 
regard for the rights of the audience, the common in- 
stincts of civility, all demand that this offense shall be 
avoided. 



i 




CONDUCT AT PUBLIC EXHIBITS, FAIRS, PICTURE 
GALLERIES, ETC 

A person can never afford to lay aside the deport- 
ment of the lady or the gentleman. ■ Although you 
may be in a crowd where you are an absolute stranger, 
do not manifest disrespect for the crowd, and show 
that your courtesy and politeness is an acquirement 
for only occasional use, by unmannerly remarks and 



ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC PLACES. 125 

conduct. If you are at a fancy fair, make no com- 
ments upon articles unless you can praise ; if you can 
praise an article, do so ; if you do not wish to see, do 
not stand in the way of others ; do not ask the price 
of an article unless you wish to buy it, and then pay 
the price asked or let it alone. If you have a table at 
a charity fair, do not importune people to buy. 

If you are visiting a picture gallery, or an artist's 
studio, do not meddle ; make no loud comments ; do 
not seek to show superior knowledge in matters of art 
by gratuitous criticism. If you are a connoisseur in 
art, you will seek modesty of expression ; while if you 
are not, you will only give publicity to your own 
ignorance. 

You should not visit an artist's studio except by 
invitation or permission, and at an appointed time ; do 
nothing which would disturb the artist in his work. 
Make your visits short, and do not keep him waiting 
if you have an engagement to sit for a portrait. 

In all your conduct do not manifest regard for self 
only, but be considerate of others, and you will never 
be regarded as rude or impolite. 




CHAPTER XV. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 




BE call is one of the necessary 
inventions of polite society in 
thickly populated localities, as 
in cities and towns. In rural 
districts where the population 
is sparse, the call, especially the 
formal call, is almost, if not 
quite, unknown. The circle of 
acquaintances is small, visitors 
are comparatively few, and more 
time can be devoted to the enter- 
tainment of any one. Those who 
go to see a friend or neighbor 
usually go such a distance that 
to return almost immediately 
would seem foolish. Hence, calls are here rightly 
supplanted by those longer stays called visits. But 
in towns and cities, where the circle of acquaintances 
is large, less time can be devoted to each. A system 
of strict formality comes into operation, and the social 
machinery is necessarily more complicated. Here one 
of the most useful devices is the system of calls, which 
differ from visits in being very brief and often quite 
formal. 



128 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Every one should, as far as possible, attend to his or 
her duties in this direction ; but professional and busi- 
ness men, who are constantly employed, can often find 
but little time even for formal calls, and less should be 
expected of them than from those who have leisure. 
Calls will vary from the extreme of pure ceremony to 
that of the most unreserved friendship, according to 
the affection and intimacy between the parties. 

FORMAL GALLS. 

The general formal call is a mere device for keeping 
up acquaintance. It must not be made less than once 
a year, more commonly it should be made twice, and 
even oftener if the circumstances warrant. Besides 
this, there are formal calls for special occasions, made 
whenever those occasions occur, as, after a party, for 
example. 

MORNING CALLS. 

By the term " morning call " is generally meant any 
call made in the daytime. In cases where a call is 
a mere matter of ceremony, the morning call is gen- 
erally the most suitable. It should never be made 
early in the day. As a rule the afternoon is the most 
proper time. Avoid calling at or just before the time 
for dinner or lunch and do not call later than five p.m. 

EVENING CALLS. 

An evening call is usually less formal than a morn- 
ing call, and supposes some degree of intimacy. It 
should not be made later than nine o' clock, nor pro- 
longed after ten. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 129 

CHOOSING A DAY. 

Some ladies appoint special days for receiving, 
which are announced by cards, and in calling upon 
them their regulation should be observed. Most per- 
sons who are well bred will endeavor to receive callers 
whenever they come. But those making calls should 
adapt themselves, so far as possible, to the conven- 
ience of their entertainers. In many localities com- 
mon custom has settled upon some day of the week 
as most usual for calling, very often Saturday after- 
noon. It is well to observe any local custom of this 
kind. 

RISING TO WELCOME GUESTS. 

The lady of the house rises to welcome her guests. 
If other callers are present, the new arrivals must 
always address themselves first to the hostess. 

GIVING THE HAND. 

On receiving the callers the lady may offer them her 
hand, if she wishes to welcome them with some degree 
of warmth. Gentlemen must always wait for her to 
make the first advance in hand shaking. 

INTROD UCTIONS 

Residents of the same town are not introduced 
unless it is known that an introduction would be 
agreeable to both parties. Strangers in the place are 
always introduced. 

CONVERSATION. 

The lady of the house should generally take the 
lead in the conversation, unless there are too many 
present for her to address herself to all. Then she 



130 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

should speak with the different ones in turn, unless 
she sees them engaged with some one else. She may- 
give special attention for a little while to the latest 
arrival, and to those who seem neglected by the 
others. 

SHOW NO PARTIALITY. 

A lady should show no partiality to any of her 
guests, unless great difference in age and rank would 
warrant it. 

EMPLOYMENT WHILE RECEIVING. 

While receiving callers a lady should lay aside her 
work, unless urged by her guests not to do so ; in 
which case, she may pursue some light employment 
which does not demand too much attention. 

REFRESHMENTS. 

In cities it is not customary to offer refreshments 
to callers. In the country where people have fruit 
of their own production, it is common, and highly 
proper, to offer it to visitors. 

ENGAGED, OR " NOT AT HOME." 

When a lady does not wish to receive callers she 
instructs the servant to say that she is engaged, or " not 
at home," which may mean the same thing. If there 
is any one or more whom she makes an exception, she 
mentions the fact to the servant. If any visitor is once 
admitted into the house it is the duty of the lady to see 
the person. Accordingly, if a lady wishes to be "not 
at home" to anybody, she must be .careful to inform 
the servant before the visitor arrives. But a well-bred 
lady ought to endeavor to receive whoever arrives, and 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 131 

whenever, so far as she reasonably can. If calling, you 
should not hesitate to depart at once, when informed 
that the lady of the house is engaged. No matter how 
intimate you may be with her, to parley with the ser- 
vant, and insist that she will certainly see you, is the 
height of ill manners. 

REGRETS FOR NOT AT HOME. 

When a gentleman has called and found a lady not 
at home, she should, at their next meeting, express 
her regrets. He should reciprocate her regrets, and 
not carelessly say that it made no special difference. 

KEEPING CALLERS WAITING. 

A lady is supposed to be dressed for receiving com- 
pany at all suitable hours, and should not keep callers 
waiting while she arranges her toilet, nor for any 
other reason. 

USE OF VISITING CARDS. 

Callers should always be provided with cards. A 
gentleman should carry them loose in a convenient 
pocket ; but a lady may use a card case. ~No matter 
how many members of the family you call upon, you 
send in but one card. Where servants are not kept, 
and you are met at the door by the lady herself, of 
course there is no use for a card. If you call upon 
a friend who has a visitor, send in but one card ; but 
if they are not at home, leave a card for each. 

RAT, UMBRELLA, GLOVES AND OVERCOAT. 

In making a morning call a gentleman should take 
his hat and gloves with him into the parlor. If it 
becomes necessary to put them down, he may place 



132 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



them upon the floor beside his chair, never upon a 
chair or table. He will keep on his overcoat, if he 
wears one, and leave his umbrella in the hall. In an 
evening call he may leave hat, gloves, overcoat and 
cane in the hall. 




WAITING IN TEE PARLOR. 
While waiting in the parlor for the person on whom 
you have called, do not thump on an open piano, nor 
walk about the room examining pictures and other 
articles. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 133 



TAKING A SEAT. 



A guest should take the seat indicated by the host- 
ess. He will not seat himself upon a sofa beside her, 
nor upon a seat close by her, unless invited to do so. 



LENGTH OF CALL. 



A formal morning call should never be less than ten 
minutes, nor more than thirty minutes ; usually it 
should be fifteen or twenty minutes in length. An 
evening call should not be over an hour. 

LOOKING AT WATCH. 

A gentleman will not look at his watch while 
making a calJ. If he does, he should apologize. 

LAYING ASIDE THE BONNET. 

Owing to the difficulty of rearranging most modern 
head-gear of women, ladies are not expected to remove 
their bonnets when making a brief call. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

Choose a moment for your departure when there is 
a lull in the conversation, and when the hostess is not 
busy with new arrivals. Having started to go, do not 
be prevailed upon to stay longer. If there are other 
callers, bow to them collectively as you leave the 
room. 

ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF OTHERS. 

On the arrival of other guests, a gentleman will rise 
and stand till they sit. It is not his duty to show 
them to seats, unless in his own house, or requested to 



134 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

do so by the hostess. He will not offer his own seat 
if there are others available, unless it is a place of 
honor and another enters whom that place would 
become. A lady who is not in her own honse does 
not rise on the arrival and departure of other guests, 
unless they are ladies to whom special respect is due 
on account of age or rank. A gentleman rises when 
ladies with whom he is conversing rise to depart. 

CONVERSATION WITHOUT INTRODUCTION. 

Callers at the house of a common acquaintance may 
converse freely without an introduction, though most 
gentlemen would prefer an introduction. 

FALLING AMONG STRANGERS. 

If, on making a call, you are shown into a room 
where all are strangers, at once announce your name 
and on whom you have called. 

CUTTING CALLS SHOR^T. 

When you find that you have called at a time that 
is not opportune, as at meal time, or when your friend 
is preparing to go out, it is best to cut your call short. 
But do not betray an undue sense of being an intruder ; 
and, if your friend seems much disappointed, promise 
to call again soon. 

CALLING IN COMPANIES. 

Several persons may go together to call upon a 
common friend ; but there should not be a crowd. 
Wot more than two, or at most three, persons from the 
same family should go together. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 135 



TAKING A FBIEXT) WITH YOU. 

A lady may, without previously obtaining permis- 
sion, bring a stranger, either gentleman or lady, to 
call upon her friend. But a gentleman will bring no 
one with him unless he first ascertains that it will be 
agreeable to the person on whom the call is made. 
Having obtained such permission, to neglect to mak( 
the call would be exceedingly rude. 

TAKING CHILDREN AND PETS WITH YOU. 

Callers should never take children or pets with 
them, as they are apt to be very annoying to some 
people. 

CALLING ON FRIEND WHO HAS A VISITOR. 

When you hear that your friend has a visitor stay- 
ing at her house, it is your duty to call on them. 

CALLING UPON AN INVALID. 

In calling upon a person confined by illness you 
should never offer to go to the sick room unless in- 
vited to do so. Make proper inquiries as to your 
friend's health and leave your card. 

LADY CALLING ON GENTLEMAN. 

A lady never calls upon a gentleman unless it be on 
business. 

CALLING UPON A PERSON AT LODGINGS. 

When calling upon a person who has lodgings at a 
liotel or private house, remain below and send up your 
card. Lodgers generally receive their company below ; 



136 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 

but an intimate friend of the same sex maybe received 
in the private chamber. But no amount of intimacy 
will justify bursting into a friend's chamber at the 
most outlandish hours, and perhaps without knock- 
ing, as is sometimes done. 

GALLS AFTER A PARTY. 

After a dinner or tea party at a friend's house you 
should call ; within three days, if it was a first invi- 
tation, otherwise within a week. After a party or 
ball to which you have been invited, you should call 
within a week, whether you accepted the invitation 
or not. 

RETURN OF A FRIEND. 

When a friend who has been away for some time 
returns, you should call upon him or her without 
delay. If you have visited, or been invited to visit, a 
lady at her country seat, you should call upon her 
soon after her return to the city. , 

THE FIRST CALL. 

Residents make the first call upon strangers. Among 
residents the elder makes the beginning, either by mak- 
ing the first call or sending the other an invitation to 
call. Such an invitation should be accepted without 
hesitation, unless there is very good reason for not 
doing so. 

RETURNING A FIRST CALL. 

Do not, at least without apologizing, put off return- 
ing a first call over a week, unless you wish to intimate 
that you do not care to keep up the acquaintance. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 137 

CARDS AND CALLS OF STRANGERS. 

When a stranger arrives in the city he should send 
his card, with directions, to those whom he expects to 
call upon him. Otherwise his presence might remain 
for some time unknown. If a stranger of your own 
profession comes to the city, you should call upon 
him even though you do not know him. 

CALLS MADE BY CARD. 

Calls of pure ceremony are sometimes made by 
simply handing in a card. 

P. P. C CALLS. 

When a person is about to go abroad and has not 
time or inclination to take leave of all his friends in 
person, he may send to each his card with the initials 
P. P. C. written upon it. These stand for the French 
phrase "Pour Prendre Conge" — for taking leave. 
Those who receive these cards should call upon him 
on his return. 

CALLS OF CONGRATULATION. 

After any auspicious or happy event has occurred 
in the family of your friend — as a birth, a marriage, 
or any good fortune — a call of congratulation is in 
order. Also if your friend has delivered a public 
oration, or been chosen to some office or position of 
honor, you should call and congratulate him. Calls 
of congratulation also follow when a betrothal has 
been formally announced to the friends and relatives. 

VISITS OF CONDOLENCE. 

When there has been a death in the family, friends 
make visits of condolence. The time for these calls 



138 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



is about a week after the funeral ; or, in case of a 
stranger, after the afflicted family have made their first 
appearance at church. The dress and conversation 
should be in harmony with the occasion. 

FRIENDLY CALLS. 

Calls of friendship will vary in length and points of 
formality according to the degree of intimacy," and so 
merge into visits. Where familiarity begins, strict 
formality is apt to end, and with it all stringent rules. 
But no one should presume, even on the ground of 
intimate friendship, to intrude at unseasonable hours, 
and stay so long as to make their friendship a bore. 




CALLS AT SUMMER RESORTS. 

At summer resorts those owning cottages call first 
upon those who rent. Otherwise they call upon one 
another in the order of their arrival, the first arrivals 
making the first calls. 



ETIQUETTE OF CALLING. 139 

NEW YEAR CALLS. 

The agreeable custom of making New Year calls has 
become quite common. By this means gentlemen can 
keep up their acquaintance with ladies on whom they 
may perhaps call at no other time in the year. 

Several ladies may unite to receive callers at some 
one place, though it is perhaps best that each should 
receive at her own house. Those expecting to receive 
callers usually announce the fact, through the news- 
papers, or otherwise. An announcement, with the 
mention of the place, is essential when a lady does not 
receive at home. Refreshments are in order, but need 
not be accepted unless the visitor feels so disposed. 

Gentlemen call singly, by twos, or in small com- 
panies, on foot, or in carriage or sleigh. When they 
go in groups, they all call upon the lady friends of 
each, without previous permission. Introductions are 
customary ; but an introduction does not warrant an 
acquaintance unless the lady chooses to make it such 
by inviting the stranger to call again, or afterward 
recognizing him in public. The time for calls begins 
at ten o'clock in the morning, and lasts till nine r% m. 
The calls are usually very brief, even as short as five 
minutes, but may be protracted to half an hour. Each 
gentleman sends in but one card ; but if there is a card 
basket at the door, he leaves a card for each lady at 
the house. 



CHAPTER XVI. 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 

HE subject treated in this chap- 
ter is, visits of several days, or 
more, away from one's place 
of residence. What is said ap- 
plies to ladies and gentlemen 
alike, though the masculine pro- 
noun is generally used. Visiting 
may be a source of great pleasure to 
both guest and host ; but it is a privi- 
lege that is also often abused. To make 
another person the servant of your gratifi- 
cation for days, and, perhaps, weeks, is no little thing. 
Agreeable visiting can only exist where there is some 
firm friendship, such as shall make your entertainment 
a pleasure rather than a serving. 




ACCEPTING INVITATIONS TO VISIT. 

General invitations to visit are often thrown out 
carelessly by people who wish to Appear friendly. 
While it is always an error, if not a sin, to say what 
you do not mean, it is a still worse blunder to take 
such people at their word. Never accept a general 
"Come and see us sometime," unless your relations 
to the party inviting you are such that you could have 

(141) 



142 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

no room for doubting the propriety of the visit. To 
give an invitation real meaning, the date and length 
of the visit should be mentioned. But in many cases 
it would be a favor to let visitors select their own 
time. 

UNEXPECTED VISITS. 

Where a visitor has been granted the courtesy of 
choosing his own time, he ought certainly to let his 
friend know beforehand of his coming. Some people 
have a fancy for surprising their friends with unex- 
pected visits. The unlooked-for return of a widow's 
long-lost son may be to her the more intensely joyous 
because unexpected ; but the ordinary surprise of a 
person by the arrival of visitors is productive of very 
different feelings, and is far less romantic. 

LENGTH OF VISIT. 

The length of a visit will depend entirely upon cir- 
cumstances ; such as the relations of friendship exist- 
ing between the parties, and the distance that the 
visitor has come. Two or three days, or a week, at 
most, should be sufficient, unless the visitor has very 
good grounds for a longer stay. Keep on the safe 
side, and make your visit shorter than your host 
desires rather than longer. 

ANNOUNCING LENGTH OF VISIT 

A visitor should take occasion soon after his arrival 
to let his friend know how long he intends to remain, 
unless that information has been given previously. It 
is embarrassing for a person to ask a visitor how long 
he is going to stay, and yet it is important for the host 
to know this. 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 143 

CONFORM TO HABITS OF THE HOUSE. 

Visitors should conform carefully to the habits of 
the house, not being out walking at dinner time, noi- 
in bed at breakfast time, and never keeping the family 
up after their hour for retiring. A guest must not 
show either by word or act that these hours do not 
suit him, but submit cheerfully. 

NOTICING UNPLEASANT MATTERS. 

A visitor should not appear to notice any unpleas- 
ant family affairs that fall under his observation. He 
should never comment upon them to strangers, nor 
to the host himself, unless his friend should first 
broach the subject. Also, if you do not find your 
friend in as high a state of prosperity as you had an- 
ticipated, do not take too evident notice of the fact. 
Your observations may be cruel as well as impolite. 

ACQUIESCE IN PLANS OF HOST 

A visitor should, as far as possible, acquiesce in all 
plans proposed for his amusement or entertainment by 
the host. 

INVITATIONS TO VISITOR AND HOST. 

All invitations to either visitor or visited ought to 
include the other, and either should generally refuse 
to accept an invitation to him alone. 

LITTLE TROUBLE AS POSSIBLE. 

A visitor should always endeavor to give as little 
trouble as possible.. At the same time he ought not to 
apologize for the trouble which his presence naturally 
requires. 



144 AMEEICAN" ETIQUETTE. 



KEEP ROOM NEAT. 



If you are a visitor be careful to keep your room as 
neat as possible. Do not let garments lie scattered 
about promiscuously. 

HELPING THE HOSTESS. 

A lady visitor, where few or no servants are kept, 
would do well to make her own bed. If there are no 
servants she may also do other little helpful things for 
her hostess. 

LEAVING HOSTESS TO HERSELF. 

G-uests must be careful not to demand too constant 
attention from their entertainers, especially in the 
morning when the hostess has duties of her own. But 
for a visitor to avoid the society of his friends and seek 
his own amusement for a large part of the time, is un- 
civil and selfish. 

* TRUE HOSPITALITY. 

True hospitality consists in freely and cheerfully 
giving your visitor the best you have in the way of 
rooms, provisions, and other means of entertainment. 
Having done this, make no apologies because you have 
no better. Your general demeanor toward your guests 
will do more toward making them feel at home and 
enjoy their visit than any amount of grandeur and lux 
ury. Devote as much time as you can to the amuse- 
ment and society of your visitors, and let them feel, 
from your kindness and cheerfulness, that you enjo}^ 
their presence. 



ETIQUETTE OF VISITING. 



145 



URGING GUESTS TO STAY. 

Kindly, and even urgently, invite your friend to stay 
as long as you wish ; but when a time has been fixed 
upon for his departure, do not try to break in upon 
his plans. Assist him in his departure, and ask him 
to visit you again. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

On leaving, a guest should express the pleasure that 
his visit has afforded him. On reaching home he will 
write and inform the family whom he visited of his 
safe arrival, and renew his expressions of pleasure. 




10 



CHAPTER XVII. 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 




FTERNOON parties are 
held from four to seven 
o'clock in the after- 
noon. They are called 
" Morning Recep- 
tions." A sufficient 
\fr number for a quad- 

— rille sometimes remain 
after most of the company- 
have left. 

DRESS. 

For gentlemen, morning dress 

is worn ; no white neckties and 

dress should be seen. A lady 

should not wear low-neck dresses nor 

short sleeves, but should be dressed in 

demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. Her 

dress may be of material to suit the taste of the 

wearer, and the season of the year. She should reserve 

elegant jewelry and laces for evening parties. 



REFRESHMENTS. 

Light refreshments, such as tea, coffee, frozen punch, 
cakes, ices and fruits, are served. After the light 

(147) 



148 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

refreshments, cold collations are served. Often the 
table is set and renewed from time to time with great 
varieties. 

INVITATIONS. 

Invitations to receptions should be very informal 
and simple. Not unfrequently the lady's card bears 
the simple inscription, ' ' At Home Thursday, from four 
to seven." If " R. S. V. P." is on the corner of these 
invitations, an answer is expected, otherwise none is 
required. It is not essential to have cards. All who 
are invited, whether they attend or not, are expected 
to call upon the host and hostess, as soon after the 
reception as possible. 

MODEL OF INVITATION. 
■cc<n-ed-<&-ci46 



MUSICAL MATINEES. 

A matinee musicale is similar to a reception, but is 
a more difficult entertainment. To make such an en- 
tertainment a success, it is essential to secure those 
persons who possess vocal and instrumental talent. 
A programme should be arranged, assigning to each, 
in order, his or her part. The exercise should com- 
mence with a piece of instrumental music, followed 
by solos, duets, quartettes, octets, etc., with instru- 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 149 

mental music interspersed, in not too great propor- 
tions. During the performance of instrumental as well 
as vocal music, it is the duty of the hostess to keep 
silence among her guests. If any one is forgetful of 
his manners on such an occasion, she should be a 
pleasant reminder of what is polite. A lady' s escort 
should accompany her to the piano ; turn the leaves 
of music, and, after she is through, return with her 
to her seat. 

The hostess should express gratification to all for 
the part they take in the entertainment. 

At a musical matinee the dress is the same as at a 
reception, only bonnets are more generally dispensed 
with. Those who have taken part in the music often 
remain for a hot supper. They have earned it, and it 
is no more than they deserve. 

COUNTRY PARTIES. 

Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at 
watering places, are more informal than in cities. 
The hostess introduces such of her guests as she thinks 
most likely to be mutually agreeable. To make such 
parties successful, music, or some amusement, is 
essential. 

SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES. 

Hospitalities on Sunday are not in good taste. It 
is a day of rest rather than a day for entertaining, and 
waiting upon guests. 

FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS. 

Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have re- 
cently been introduced into this country from England. 



150 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Invitations for these are usually issued on the lady's 
visiting card, with the following words written in the 
left hand corner : 

PARTY INVITATIONS. 
<t. -cm-cl C/Tl^dd. (yf$-ad>e -t-e-eLu&d-t <&%€. fe<£e-a.d'U<t€- -af 

<CO€l 






€Z'?Z<t€, Sd74.<L'U<e. 






4^l€- ■& 'C / i.<3--C'fZ- (Js €■'&. 



Or, if for a kettle-drum : 



<U<td</lZ>4C, CsV<x>u. J!. 






RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 151 

If " R. S. V. P." is not on the card no answers are 
expected. It is optional with those who attend to 
leave cards. All who are invited are expected to call 
afterward. 

The hostess receives her gnests standing, aided by 
other members of her family, or intimate friends. 

For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet 
but few remain over half an hour — the conventional 
time allotted — unless they are detained by music, or 
some entertaining conversation. 

A table set in the dinning-room is supplied with tea, 
coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns and cakes, which 
constitute all that is offered to the guests. 

There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a 
larger day reception. The time is spent in conver- 
sation with friends, in listening to music, or such 
entertainment as has been provided. 

Ladies wear the demi-toilet, with or without bon- 
nets. Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. 

At five o' clock tea (or coffee) the equipage is on a 
side table, together with plates of thin sandwiches, 
and of cakes. The pouring of the tea and passing of 
refreshment are usually done by some members of 
the family, or friends, without the aid of servants, 
when the number assembled is small ; for, as a rule, 
the people who frequent these social gatherings 
care more for social intercourse than for eating and 
drinking. 

MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Evening parties and balls are much more formal 
than the entertainments that have been mentioned. 
These require evening dress. Lately evening dress is 
almost as much worn at grand dinners as at balls and 




(152) 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 153 

evening parties, only the material is not so showy. 
Invitations to evening parties are sent from a week to 
two weeks in advance, and they should be immediately 
answered. 

BALLS. 

In order to make a ball successful there must be 
good music and plenty of people to dance. 



A MODEL INVITATION TO A BALL. 







HtMi 



t/ Jm-a^e^ 



PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL. 

Dressing rooms should be provided for the ladies 
and gentlemen, with servants to each. There should 
be cards with the names of the invited guests upon 
them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the 
guests ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. A 
complete set of toilet articles should be supplied for 
each dressing-room. If it is possible, the house should 
be elaborately decorated with flowers. 



154 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

THE MUSIC. 

Four musicians are enough for a u dance." If the 
dancing-room is small, the flageolet is preferable to the 
horn, since it is less noisy. The piano and the violin 
form the mainstay of the band. When the rooms are 
large enough a large band may be employed. 

THE DANCES. 

The dances should be arranged beforehand, and, for 
large halls, programmes are printed with a list of 
the dances. A ball usually opens with a waltz, fol- 
lowed by a cjuadrille, and these are succeeded by 
galops, lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes, in 
turn. 

INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL. 

When gentlemen are introduced to ladies at a ball 
for the purpose of dancing, upon meeting afterward, 
they should wait to be recognized before speaking; 
but they are at liberty to recall themselves by lifting 
their hats in passing. An introduction for dancing 
does not constitute a speaking acquaintanceship. 

Upon meeting, it is as much the gentleman's place 
to bow as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes 
first should be the first to show that recognition. In- 
troductions take place in a ball-room in order to pro- 
vide ladies with partners, or between persons residing 
in different cities. In all other cases, permission is 
asked before giving introductions. But where a 
hostess is sufficiently discriminating in the selection 
of her guests, the friends assembled in her parlors are 
to a certain extent made known to one another, and 
may converse without introductions. 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 155 

/ i 

RECEIVING GUESTS. 

It is not now the custom for the host and hostess to 
receive together. The receiving devolves upon the 
hostess, but it is the duty cf the host to remain in the 
room until all the guests have arrived, so that he may 
be found when sought for. The same duty devolves 
upon the sons, who must share their attentions with 
all during the evening. The daughters and sons will 
look after partners for the ladies who wish to dance, 
and they must see that no one is neglected before they 
dance themselves. 

AN AFTER- CALL. 

An after-call is due the lady of the house at which 
you were entertained, and should be made as soon as 
possible, within two weeks at the farthest. If it is 
impossible to make a call, send your card, or leave it 
at the door. It is customary for a lady who has no 
weekly reception day, in sending invitations to a ball, 
to inclose her card in each invitation for one or more 
receptions, in order that the after- calls due her may 
be made on that day. 

SUPPER. 

Generally the supper-room at a ball is thrown open 
at twelve o'clock. The table is made elegant by beau- 
tiful china, cut glass, and a variety ^of flowers. The 
hot dishes are oysters, stewed, fried, broiled and 
scalloped ; chicken, game, etc. ; and the cold dishes are 
boned turkey, chicken salad, raw oysters and lobster 
salad. When supper is announced, the host leads the 
way with the lady to whom he wishes to show special 
attention. The hostess remains until the last with the 



156 ' AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some dis- 
tinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the 
way. No gentleman should go into the supper-room 
alone unless he has seen every lady enter before him. 
If ladies are left alone unattended, gentlemen, although 
strangers, may offer their services in waiting upon 
them. 

THE NUMBER TO INVITE. 

Persons giving balls should take care not to invite 
more than their rooms will accommodate. People who 
do not dance do not expect to be invited to a ball 4 or 
dancing party. 

DUTIES OF GUESTS. 

Rules for accepting or declining invitations to balls 
are the same as those given for " Dinner Parties." 
Every lady who attends a ball should make her toilet 
as neat and complete as possible. The gentlemen 
should wear evening dress. Every guest should arrive 
as early as possible after the hour named. The guests 
should do all in their power to aid in the entertainment 
of all present, and no one should decline to be intro- 
duced to such guests as the hostess requests. A gen- 
tleman is not compelled to remain longer with a lady 
than he desires. By moving around from one to an- 
other an opportunity is given to circulate freely, and 
this custom contributes to the enjoyment of all. 

~No person should remain beside the hostess while 
she is receiving her friends, except members of the 
family and friends that she has designated to assist 
her. 

All guests entering should pass in to make room for 
others. 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 157 



SUGGESTIONS FOB GENTLEMEN. 

A gentleman should always walk around a lady' s 
train and never attempt to step over it. If by accident 
he should tread upon her dress, he should beg her 
pardon, and if by greater awkwardness he should tear 
it, he must offer to escort her to the dressing-room so 
that it may be repaired. If in the ball-room a lady 
asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to inquire if 
her carriage is in waiting, he should under no circum- 
stances refuse her request. It is the gentleman' s duty 
to ask the daughters of the family to dance, and if the 
ball has been given for a lady who dances, he should 
include her in his attention. A well-bred gentleman 
will look after those who are unsought and neglected 
in the dance. 

When gentlemen are unacquainted with all the 
members of the family, their first duty, after speaking 
to their host and hostess, is to ask some friend to 
introduce them to those members whom they do not 
know. 

DUTIES OF AN ESCORT. 

The gentleman should call for the lady whom he is 
to escort, go with her to the ball, escort her to the 
door of the dressing-room, return to join her there 
when she is ready to go to the reception-room, upon 
reaching it proceed to the hostess, engage her com- 
pany for the first dance, and escort her to supper when 
she is ready to go. He must watch and see that she 
♦has a partner for dancing through the entire evening. 

Upon reaching home, if the lady invites him in, he 
should decline. It is his duty to call in two days. 



158 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



RULES FOB THE BALL-BOOM. 

A man who knows how to dance, and refuses to do 
so, should absent himself from a ball. 

Noisy talking and boisterous laughter in a ball- 
room are contrary to the rules of etiquette. 

Upon leaving a small dance, or party, it is good 
manners to wish the lady of the house a "good 
night," but at a large ball it is not expected. At 
a party there may be dancing, but at a ball there 
must be. 

Those who were invited and not able to be present, 
must present their regrets the first time they meet the 
hostess, and express an appreciation of their invita- 
tion. 

In dancing a round dance, a gentleman should 
never place a lady' s hand at his back, on his hip, or 
in the air, but gracefully by his side. 

In a ball-room never forget nor confuse your en- 
gagements. If such should occur, an apology, of 
course, must be offered and pleasantly accepted. 

In a quadrille it is not essential for a gentleman to 
bow to his lady, but he may offer her his arm and 
give her a seat. 

Always wear white gloves in a ball-room ; very 
light shades are admissible. 

Usually a married couple do not dance together in 
society, but it is a sign of unusual attention for a hus- 
band to dance with his wife, and he may do so if he 
wishes. 

Great care should be taken by a lady in refusing to 
dance with a gentleman. After refusing, she should 
not accept another invitation for the same dance. 



RECEPTIONS, PARTIES AND BALLS. 



159 



Gentlemen should put on their hats and overcoats 
before going to the carriage with the ladies. 

Upon the evening of the ball, if the weather is in- 
clement, a covering of canvas should be placed for the 
protection of the guests in going from their carriages 
to the door. A carpet should also be spread from the 
house to the carriage steps. 

Partners should be engaged before the music begins. 
At a private dance, a lady can not conveniently refuse 
to dance with a gentleman who invites her, unless she 
has a previous engagement. If she is weary, and feels 
that she can not dance, he should remain with her 
while the dance proceeds. 




CHAPTER XVIII. 






i& 



DINNERS. 




O sliine at the dinner table re- 
^ quires much conversant prac- 
H tice with polite life. 

Persons invited to a dinner 
party should be of the same 
£ standing in society. They need 
not be acquaintances, yet they 
should be such as move in the same class or circles. 
Great care should be taken to invite those who are 
agreeable to each other. Good talkers and good lis- 
teners are equally invaluable at a dinner. Among 
your guests always have one or more musicians. This 
will add greatly to the entertainment of your friends 
before and after dinner. 



INVITATIONS TO DINNER PARTIES. 

Invitations to dinner parties should be sent and 
answered by a messenger, except when distance is such 
as to make it inconvenient ; in such case to send by 
mail is admissible. Invitations should be issued from 
two to ten days in advance, in the name of the gentle- 
man and lady of the house. They should be answered 



11 



(161) 



162 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

without delay, as it is essential that the host and 
hostess should know who are to be their guests. 

After the invitation is accepted, the engagement 
should not be lightly broken, for the non-arrival of 
expected guests produces confusion and disappoint- 
ment. 

G-entlemen can not be invited without their wives, 
unless it is a dinner given especially for gentlemen and 
no ladies are invited. Ladies should not be invited 
without their husbands, when other ladies are invited 
with their husbands. Three out of one family are 
enough to be invited, unless it is a large dinner party. 

The paper used for issuing invitations upon, should 
be small note paper, or cards, with envelopes to match. 



FORM OF AN INVITATION TO DINNER. 






An answer should be returned at once, so that, if 
you do not accept, the hostess may make necessary 
changes in the arrangements. 

FORM OF AN ACCEPTANCE TO DINNER. 



'.<£ 



<i. -cm-a. ^/l/Ua-td. k^/l/tyte-td smite <wi<uc 



■C14, -a-ceefe^wi-a CstAQ't. tz'yi.-c/ C/MQ-id. Csl/fQ&dd t^<ut'Ctz<Z4.<i<7'Z 



^ L/l/ti'U-em'it-e'i 



DINNERS 163 

INVITATION DECLINED. 

-aj? ^A-e-e,^. -cA-^cct (or whatever the cause may be) fe4e.'ue<M,'ifd 



f ^'Tl'n.€.-t 



Or 



<£A>iz£ -a-uMsniz, ^ (whatever the preventing cause may be) ^A-cu. 
■<z C/il&'id. Cs4(&#dd wi ^ / Jy"e€^i.-ed</-ci^ / cffla-u. /&. 



The cause for declining should always be stated, so 
that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding. 

If it should become necessary to break an engage- 
ment made for dinner, a note must be sent at once to 
the host and hostess, so that they may supply your 
place if possible. 

TIME. 

In cities, the hour selected for a dinner is after busi- 
ness hours, or from five to eight o'clock. It may be 
an hour or two earlier in the country or in villages. 

It is obligatory upon you to be punctual at the hour 
mentioned. You are in the way if you go too early ; 
and you annoy the hostess and guests if you are too 



164 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




DINGERS. 165 

late. A hostess is not required to wait longer than 
fifteen minutes for a tardy guest. 

ENTERTAINMENT. 

The success of a dinner is readily judged by the 
manner in which conversation has been sustained. If 
a stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that the 
guests have been entertained ; but if, on the contrary, 
the conversation has been dull and flagging, it shows 
that the entertainment has been to a certain extent a 
failure. 

No one should monopolize the conversation, but all 
should take some part. It is due your host and host- 
ess that you do all in your power to enjoy yourself 
and assist in entertaining others. 

SETTING THE TABLE. 

The table-cloth and napkins must be spotless. 
Beautiful china, glistening or finely engraved glass 
and polished plate are considered essential to a fine 
dinner. 

A centre-piece of flowers is a pretty ornament. A 
handsome vase filled with growing plants in bloom 
adds greatly to the appearance of the table. The 
flowers must be of delicate odors. A variety of fruit 
tastefully arranged with green leaves and bright con- 
fectionery is always attractive. It is a pretty custom 
to place a little bouquet by the side of each lady's 
plate, and to fold a bunch of flowers in the napkin of 
each gentleman, to be attached to the left lapel of the 
coat as soon as seats are taken at the table. Napkins, 
which should never be starched, are folded and laid 
upon the plates, with a small piece of bread or roll 



166 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

placed on the top. The dessert is placed on the table 
amidst the flowers and ferns. A small salt-cellar 
should be placed by each plate, also a small butter 
plate. The name of each guest, written upon a card 
and placed one on each plate, marks the seat assigned. 

NUMBER TO INVITE. 

There should not be less than six nor .more than 
fourteen at a dinner. The host or hostess will then be 
able to designate to each gentleman the lady whom 
he is to conduct to the table ; but when the number 
exceeds this limit, it is a good plan to have the name 
of each couple written upon a card and enclosed in an 
addressed envelope, ready to be handed to the gentle- 
man by the servant before entering the drawing-room, 
or left on a tray that the guests may select those which 
bear their names. If a gentleman finds upon his card 
the name of a lady with whom he is unacquainted, he 
requests the host to present him immediately after he 
has spoken with the hostess ; also to any member of 
the family with whom he is not acquainted. 

All the guests should secure introductions to the 
one for whom the dinner is given. 

GOING OUT TO DINNER. 

When dinner is announced, the host offers his right 
arm to the lady he is to escort to the table. The others 
follow, arm-in-arm, the hostess being the last to leave 
the drawing-room. Age should take precedence in 
proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room, 
the younger falling back until the elder have ad- 
vanced. The host escorts the eldest lady or the 
greatest stranger, or, if there be a bride present, prece- 



DINNERS. 167 

dence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for 
another person, in which case he escorts the latter. 

The hostess is escorted either by the greatest stran- 
ger, or by some gentleman whom she wishes to place 
in the seat of honor which is at her right. 

The host places, at his right, the lady whom he 
escorts. 

The seats of the host and hostess may be in the 
middle, at opposite sides of the table, or at opposite 
ends. Husbands should not escort their wives nor 
brothers their sisters, as this partakes of the nature of 
a family gathering. All guests stand until the host- 
ess is seated. Once seated, the rest is simple routine. 

Ease of manner of the host and hostess, and quiet 
and systematic movements on the part of attendants, 
are indispensable. The servants commence in passing 
the dishes, one upon the right of the host and one 
upon the right of the hostess. Thin- soled shoes 
should be worn by servants, that their steps may be 
noiseless ; and if they use napkins in serving, (as is 
the English style), instead of gloves, their hands and 
nails should be faultlessly clean. 

A good servant avoids breathing hard, coughing, 
or treading on a lady' s dress ; places knives, forks, 
glasses, spoons and plates noiselessly, and never drops 
anything. Awkwardness is never seen in a good ser- 
vant. It is good taste for a servant not to wear gloves, 
but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped 
around the thumb, so that his bare hand will not touch 
the plates and dishes. 

The attendant places each dish in succession before 
the host and hostess (the soup, salad and dessert only 
being served by the hostess) with the pile of plates. 



168 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Each plate is supplied, taken by the attendant on a 
small salver, and set before the guest from the left. 
Any second dish which belongs to the course is pre- 
sented at the left of the guest, who helps himself. As 
a rule, the lady at the right of the host or the oldest 
lady should be served first. As soon as any one is done, 
his plate is promptly removed, and when al] are done, 
the next course is served in the same way. All crumbs 
should be brushed from the cloth before the dessert is 
brought on. 

The finger bowls which are brought in on the napkin 
on the dessert plate, and set off to the left of the plate, 
are used by dipping the fingers in lightly and drying 
them on the napkin. They should be half full of warm 
water with a bit of lemon floating in it. 

When all have finished dessert, the hostess gives 
the signal that dinner is ended by pushing back her 
chair, and the ladies repair to the drawing-room, the 
oldest leading, the youngest following last, and the 
gentlemen repairing to the library or smoking-room. 
In about half an hour tea is served in the drawing- 
room, with a cake basket of crackers or little cakes. 
The gentlemen join the ladies, and , after a little chat 
over their cups, all are at liberty to leave. 

In preparing a dinner, a hostess should remember 
that too great a variety of dishes is a coarse display. 
A small variety cooked to a nicety, and served with 
grace, makes the most charming dinner. A sensible bill 
of fare is — soup, fish, with one vegetable, a roast, with 
one or two vegetables, and a salad and cheese, and a 
dessert. The carver should serve meat as he cuts it ; 
so far as possible he should not fill the platter with 
hacked fragments. It is ill bred to help too abun- 



DINNERS. 169 

dantly, or to flood food with gravies, which are dis- 
liked by many. Serve the plate neatly. 

Water should be poured at the right hand ; every- 
thing else is served at the left. The hostess should 
continue eating until all guests have finished. Jellies 
and sauces are helped on the dinner plate, and not on 
side dishes. If there are two dishes of dessert, the ^ 
host may serve the most substantial one. Fruit is 
served after puddings and pies, and coffee last. In 
winter, plates should be made warm before being 
brought to the / table. 

The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving 
dinners, is the dinner a la Busse (the Russian style), 
all the food being placed upon a side table, and ser- 
vants doing the carving and waiting. This style gives 
an opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the 
table, which, as the meal progresses, does not become 
encumbered with partially empty dishes and plates. 

At a fashionable dinner soup is the first course. All 
should accept it, even if it is a kind that they do not 
like, and know that they will not touch it. It is 
better to make a pretense of eating it, than to compel 
the servants to help you to the second course before 
the rest. Soup should never be called for a second 
time. Take it noiselessly from the side of your spoon, 
and never tilt your soup plate for the last spoonful. 

After soup comes fish, which must be eaten with a 
fork in the right hand and a piece of bread in the left, 
unless you are provided with fish knives. If you 
wish, you may decline fish, but it must not be called 
for a second time. 

The side dishes, which come after the soup and fish, 
must be eaten with the fork. The knife is used only 



170 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

for cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork. 
Never convey food to the mouth with the knife. 

Remove the knife and fork from your plate as soon 
as they are set before you, as the serving of an entire 
course is delayed by neglecting to do so. 

Never be greedy at the table. Do not hesitate about 
taking anything that is passed to you. Never take' up 
one piece and lay it down in favor of another. Never 
break a biscuit and leave the piece on the plate, for 
this compels your friend to take a small piece when 
he may wish a whole one. 

Never allow the servant to fill your glass with wine 
that you do not wish to drink. If it is placed by 
your plate without your being asked to accept it, let 
it remain without touching it or saying a word about 
it. Act as though you did not see it. 

By some, a dinner party is not regarded as complete 
unless wine is served. People should be careful as to 
serving wines at all. You can not know what harm 
you may do your guests by placing wine before them. 
You may create in your friend an appetite for strong 
drink ; you may renew a passion long controlled. 

This is an age of temperance reform. Mrs. Hayes, 

one of the ladies of the "White House, banished wines 

| and liquors from her table, and such an example may 

. be followed by leading American households, regard> 

less of former customs. 

RULES FOR EATING. 

Eat cheese with a fork and not with a knife. 
Ask a servant in a low tone for what you want. 
Eat and drink noiselessly. While eating keep the 
mouth closed. 



DINNERS. 171 

Break your bread ; do not cut it. 

Eat fruit with silver knives and forks. 

If you prefer, take up asparagus with the fingers. 
Olives and artichokes are always so eaten. 

If a course is set before you that you do not wish, 
do not touch it. 

Ne^er handle glass or silver near you unnecessarily, 
and do not play with your food. 

It is not your business to reprove the waiter for 
improper conduct ; that belongs to the host. 

A gentleman must help the lady whom he has 
escorted to the table, to all that she wishes ; but it is 
improper for him to offer to help other ladies who have 
escorts. 

If the guests pass the dishes over to another, always 
help yourself before handing to the next. 

Remove bones from fish before putting into the 
mouth. If a bone should get into the mouth, cover 
your lips with a napkin and remove it. Cherry stones 
or anything which you do not wish to swallow should 
be removed from the mouth as quietly as possible, and 
placed upon the side of your plate. 

Use a napkin only for your mouth. Never use it 
for your nose, face or forehead. 

Eat pudding with a fork or spoon. 

Eat pastry with a fork. 

Keep your hand off from the table, and do not play 
with your fingers. 

Fruit should be peeled with a knife, and cut or 
broken. Never bite fruit. 

It is very rude to pick your teeth at the table. If it 
becomes necessary to do so, hold your napkin over 
your mouth. 



172 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

If you are requested to express a preference for a 
particular portion of a fowl, answer promptly, that no 
time may be lost in waiting upon you. 

A hostess should never apologize for anything on 
her table, neither should she speak with pride in 
reference to any particular dish. She should remain 
silent, and allow her friends to praise her dinner or not, 
as they see fit. Do not urge your guests to eat against 
their wishes. 

The conversation at the table should not be monopo- 
lized by one or two. All conversation should be gen- 
eral as far as possible. You may talk in a low tone to 
those near you, if you are at a large dinner party. 

Self-possession is demanded on the part of the 
hostess, that she may perform her duties agreeably. 
She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay 
strict attention to the requirements of all around her. 
She must not be disturbed by an accident nor embar- 
rassed by any disappointment. Should her valuable 
glass or china be broken before her eyes she must take 
no notice of it. 

The host must be equally self-possessed. His tem- 
per should be such as can not be easily ruffled. He 
should direct conversation rather than sustain it him- 
self. 

The hostess will commit a rudeness to those who 
have arrived punctually, if she awaits dinner for tardy 
guests more than the fifteen minutes which custom 
prescribes. 

Another plan for retiring from the table, a little 
different from the one already mentioned, is, when the 
hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the 
lady who is sitting at the right of the host, and the 



DINGERS. 173 

company arise, and withdraw in the order they are 
seated, without precedence. Upon entering the draw- 
ing-room the guests should intermingle in a social 
manner from one to three hours after dinner, when 
they are at liberty to take their leave of the host and 
hostess. 

Accepting hospitality is a sign of good will, and, if 
guests partake of hospitality only to gossip about and 
abuse their host and hostess, they injure themselves 
by doing so. 

Whether you accept an invitation to a dinner party 
or not, you should call soon after. 

True hospitality neither expects nor desires any 
return, but those who are in the habit of giving din- 
ner parties should return the invitation before another 
is extended to them. Debts of hospitality should be 
paid if persons have the means to do so. If they have 
not the means, it is not expected of them. Some do 
not accept invitations because they feel that they can 
not return the hospitality in such magnificent style. 
This is unnecessary. A costly and expensive repast is 
not always the most agreeable, but it is the friendly 
feeling shown. Sometimes the least expensive dinners 
are the most enjoyable. And persons who are not 
able to prepare an elegant table can do great good 
socially by an economical repast. 




CHAPTER XIX. 



HIGHER CULTURE OF WOMEN. 




HERE is no admiration greater than 
that which is accorded a true wo- 
man. How scarce such specimens 
of creation are in our land ! Too 
seldom do we see a woman with 
a high, noble, Christian character. 
The number of true women is com- 
paratively few. " To be a woman in the 
truest and highest sense of the word," 
as a writer has said, "is to be the best 
thing beneath the skies." To be a 
woman is something more than merely 
to live eighteen or twenty years ; some- 
thing more than merely to grow to the 
physical stature of women ; something 
more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry 
goods, sport jewelry ; something more 
than to be a belle. All these qualifications 
do but little toward making a true woman. 
A true woman exists independent of outward 
adornments. It is not wealth, or beauty of person, 
or station, or power of mind, or literary attainments, 
or variety and riches of outward accomplishments, 
that make the woman. These often adorn woman- 

(175) 




f 176) 



HIGHER CULTURE OF WOMEN. 177 

hood, but they should never be mistaken for the thing 
they adorn. This is the great error of womankind. 
These take the shadow for the substance — the glitter 
for the gold — the heraldry and trappings of the world 
for the priceless essence of womanly worth which 
exists within the mind. 

Woman has been regarded almost by the whole 
world as a mere ornament. Hence woman is too often 
a vile, idle, useless thing. No one can look at woman' s 
present estate without feeling that she has many long 
steps yet to take before she will attain to her true posi- 
tion, her full womanhood. Men hold that wisdom is 
for them. They alone may draw from the deep wells 
of knowledge. Why do they think this % It is for 
the want of an enlightened view on the part of both 
sexes. Men as well as women have failed to compre- 
hend the true idea of womanhood. Both have been 
satisfied with too little in women. They have borne 
with the narrowness of woman's culture, and the aim- 
lessness of her life, believing it all right. It is a fact, 
a glaring, solemn, humiliating fact, that woman is not 
what the Creator designed her to be. Her influence is 
not what it ought to be. She is weak, thoughtless, 
heartless, compared with what she ought to be. It has 
long been a hollow compliment which man has paid to 
woman, to tell her that she rules the world. But no 
man believes it when he says it. Every woman should 
spurn the compliment as the plainest flattery. 

If the young women of the present day possessed a 

sufficient force of character, their influence would be 

greater. They have not sufficient resolution and 

energy of purpose. Their moral wills are not resolute. 

Their influence is not armed with executive power. 
12 



178 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Their goodness is not felt as an earnest force of benev- 
olent purpose. Their opinions are not wise and 
thoughtful. In no particular do our young women 
make impressions of strong moral force. The great 
deficiency of young women is a lack of power. They 
do not make themselves felt. They need more force 
of character. Women must have strength of will to 
do and to dare. They must dare to be and do that 
which is right ; dare to face false customs ; dare to 
frown on fashion ; dare to resist oppression ; dare to 
assert their own right ; dare to be persecuted for right- 
eousness' sake ; dare to do their own thinking and 
acting ; dare to be above the silly pride, the foolish 
whims and trifling nonsense that enslave little minds. 
What was once regarded as a sufficient character for a 
woman is not enough now. Women are advancing, 
as well as science, mechanics and men. Once it was 
thought education enough if a woman could read and 
write a little. The time is not far distant when she 
must be educated as well as a man. 

Women must be pure, that is, they must possess 
that virtue which wins laurels in the face of tempta- 
tion ; which is backed by a mighty force of moral 
principle ; which frowns on evil with rebuking author- 
ity ; which claims as its right such purity in its asso- 
ciations. There is a virtue which commands respect, 
which awes by its dignity and strength ; a virtue that 
knows why it hates evil, why it loves right, why it 
cleaves to principle as to life ; a virtue which gives a 
sublime grandeur to the soul in which it dwells and 
the life it inspires. This is the virtue that belongs to 
womanhood ; it is the purity every young woman 
should possess. It is not enough to have an easy kind 



HIGHER CULTURE OF WOMEN. 179 

of virtue, which more than half courts temptation ; 
which is pure more from the fear of society's rebuke 
than a love of right. They would not have a drunkard 
for a husband, but they would drink a glass of wine 
with a fast young man. They would not use profane 
language, yet they love the society of men whom they 
know are profane out of their presence. They would 
not wish to be considered dishonest, but they use de- 
ceitful words, and countenance the society of men 
known as deceivers. They would not be irreligious, 
bat they smile upon the most irreligious and even 
immoral men, and show that they love to be wooed by 
them. This is the virtue of too many women, a virtue 
scarcely worth the name — really no virtue at all — a 
hypocritical, hollow pretension to virtue as unwoman- 
ly as it is disgraceful. This is not the virtue of true 
womanhood. 

Not only is a pure character, not only is chastity of 
thought and feeling needed, but a character of energy. 
Life is a work. Woman has a mission — a work to 
engage in. This work requires that she shall possess 
energy as well as purity. Active duty presses upon 
her. This relates to a livelihood — to the practical 
work of pushing her way through life. It is degrad- 
ing to accept of all life's necessities at the hand of 
charity. No woman possessed of a genuine womanly 
character will do it. She must be independent. She 
must not only have a good character, but an ability to 
do something for herself and others. Character would 
be of little avail if she were a shiftless, useless do- 
nothing in relation, to all the great activities of life, 
by which we secure the necessities and comforts of 
our existence. It is through useful industry and labor 










(180) 



HIGHER CULTURE OF WOMEN. 181 

that the rarest beauties and forces shine. Improve 
every moment. Characters must have some way to 
embody themselves in an outward form to be of service 
to the world. The best way is in devotion to some 
useful calling or profession by which our powers may 
be called upon for their best efforts in a direction that 
shall promise a full reward for ourselves and a good 
surplus for our fellow men. Women must have em- 
ployment. Employment is the instrumentality, in 
making woman. No woman of health and sound mind 
should allow herself to be or feel dependent on any- 
body for her living. Thousands of women have no 
employment, and live through life in a state of abject 
dependence. What are they — what can they be, 
under such circumstances? They are nothing else 
than burdens to their fellow men. A woman can no 
more be a true woman than a man can be a true man, 
without employment and self-reliance. How can a 
woman who spends a listless, trifling life possess 
weight of character and force of mind and mental 
worth? How can she answer with honor to herself 
when she is called upon to do anything ? Our homes 
are full of necessary and useful employment ; girls 
must engage in it with zeal. Useful employment is the 
primary means of developing a true womanhood. Life 
is given that work may be done. We are here for a 
purpose. All young ladies should determine to do 
something for the honor and elevation of their sex. At 
least they should determine that they will possess and 
always wear about them, as their richest possession, a 
true womanhood. This is the most that they can do. 
Let them determine that for themselves they will do 
their own thinking ; that they will form their own opin- 



182 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

ions from their own investigations; that they will persist 
in holding the highest principles of womanly morality 
and the virtuous attainments which constitute true 
womanhood. When they have done this, let them call 
to their aid all the force of character they can com- 
mand, to enable them to persist in being women of 
the true "stamp." Women have a great work to do. 
It is not enough that they should be what their 
mothers were. They must be more, since their ad- 
vantages are superior. The demands of the country 
call on women for a higher order of character and life. 
The ladies of to-day must heed the call. They must 
emancipate themselves from the fetters of custom and 
fashion, and come up, a glorious company, to the 
possession of vigorous, virtuous, noble womanhood — 
womanhood that shall shed new light upon the world 
and point the way to a divine life. Girlhood is the 
time to prepare for the great work of life. If girls 
would be women, they must begin before the years of 
maturity. If they would be wise, they must not fritter 
away their early life. Girlhood is a preparation for 
womanhood. It sends its life and character into 
womanhood. Girls are able to fit themselves for high 
positions, and why should they stand listlessly by, and 
allow the men to advance and do everything. Young 
ladies should step forward and be leaders in the great 
work of life. They have a right to do so ; it is their 
plain duty; and why are they thus standing back? 
Laclies may aspire to high positions, but unless they 
fit themselves for them they will never reach them. 
Form high, noble, Christian characters. Live upright 
lives, so that when you are called to give an account of 
your stewardship you may be able to answer with honor 



HIGHEE CULTURE OF WOMEN. 



183 



to yourselves and to your God. One has rightly said : 
1 ' A noble and influential woman is an honor to the 
country, and a pillar of civil and religious liberty. 
Every such woman is a central sun, radiating intel- 
lectual and moral light, diffusing strength and life to 
all about her." Woman is the hope of the world. 




CHAPTER XX, 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 



HAT period of life in which 
young people of either sex both 
pay and receive attentions is par- 
ticularly deserving of considera- 
tion 'at this point. The matter of 
correct behavior on the part of 
young men toward young ladies, 
jjT" and the behavior of young ladies 
toward young men in return, 
should be regarded with more 
interest than is usually bestowed 
upon this subject. 




A GENTLEMAN'S CONDUCT TOWARD YOUNG LADIES. 

In this, country npne of the barriers exist between 
the sexes that are found in other countries. The 
utmost freedom in social intercourse and perfect lib- 
erty to associate and mingle freely in the same circle 
with the opposite sex, is granted without question. 
This is the life and joy of young American society. 
If such freedom is not abused, it may contribute 
greatly to the pleasure and refinement of both sexes. 
Gentlemen are at liberty to ask the company of young 

(185) 



186 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

ladies to church, balls, concerts, etc., to call upon 
them at their homes, to ride and drive with them, and 
in every way possible to make themselves agreeable 
to young ladies to whom their company is acceptable. 
They are, indeed, permitted to give and receive invita- 
tions ad libitum. This freedom, of course, presup- 
poses that the young man is entirely disengaged, for 
as soon as he begins to devote himself to one young 
lady in preference to all others, the lady supposes, 
and has a right to suppose, that he means something 
more than mere pastime. She concludes that he 
intends it for an engagement without saying so. A 
gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony 
should not, therefore, be too -exclusive in his atten- 
tions to any one lady. Self-control in this particular 
is especially important. Many a young man becomes, 
as he imagines, infatuated with a lady, and by the 
persistence with which he follows up the suit, makes 
others as well as the young lady think that he has 
serious intentions. Soon he wears out his interest in 
her and she is left, her affections shattered, so that 
other young men do not feel free to cultivate her 
acquaintance. 

A LADY'S CONDUCT TOWARD GENTLEMEN. 

* 

If a young lady is not engaged she may receive 
calls from any unmarried gentleman she desires, and 
may accept invitations freely. She should exercise 
discretion, however, as to whom she favors in the 
acceptance of such invitations. A lady is allowed 
perfect liberty in this regard without giving affront. 
A young man of sense will thank a young lady for 
refusing to accept his invitations if he is not agreeable 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 187 

to her. She should not allow special attentions to 
be bestowed upon her from one whose attentions she 
could not reciprocate. By violating this rule of pro- 
priety and common sense she not only does injury to 
the young man by encouraging his suit, but she injures 
her own prospects by driving away other young men, 
whose attentions she could reciprocate. A young lady 
can, in a modest and inoffensive way, indicate to a 
suitor that his suit is not acceptable, and she owes it 
to herself to do it if such be the case. It is the pre- 
rogative of the man to propose and of the woman to 
accept or reject, and a lady of taste and kind heart 
will exercise her prerogative before the man has made 
an open proposal. No well-bred lady will appear 
eager for the attentions of a gentleman, no matter 
how much she may admire him ; nor, on the other 
hand, will she be so reserved as to altogether discour- 
age him. Because a man shows considerable attention 
it does not follow that he is a lover. Under a mis- 
taken idea of gallantry, young men often go too far in 
this respect. The young lady can always tell, how- 
ever, what his motives are, and should treat him 
accordingly. Some young ladies think it smart to 
encourage a proposal and then refuse it. This is not 
a sign of good breeding ; besides, her motives will 
soon become generally known, and she will be re- 
garded as a "flirt. 



'5 



HASTY PROPOSALS. 



It is very unwise, not to say presumptuous, for a 
gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady on a 
too brief acquaintance. Such hasty proposals gener- 
ally come from mere adventurers, or else from mere 




(188) 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 189 

novices in love, so that in either case they are to be 
rejected. A lady who would accept a gentleman at 
first sight can hardly possess the discretion needed to 
make a good wife. 

THOROUGH ACQUAINTANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE. 

There may be such a thing as love at first sight, and 
if there is, it is not a very risky thing upon which to 
base a marriage. Couples should know each other 
thoroughly before they become engaged. They should 
be certain that their tastes and temperaments harmo- 
nize, and that their society will be congenial each to 
the other. 

''UNKNOWN CORRESPONDENTS." 

There has grown up lately quite a fashion of having 
what are called " unknown correspondents." A young 
lady or gentleman will perhaps advertise, giving a 
description of himself or herself, but withholding the 
name, and ask for a correspondent. Though such an 
experiment is tried more for curiosity than anything 
else, it not infrequently results in marriage. Often we 
hear of couples seeing each other for the first time 
on their wedding day. All such practices as these 
should be discarded. One time in a thousand, per- 
haps, a successful match is made in this way ; but it 
is too risky. Besides, it transcends the bounds of 
true modesty and propriety. What business has a 
young lady to be writing letters, perhaps confidential 
ones, to a young man she never saw ? Perhaps if he 
were unmasked she would be ashamed to be seen with 
him, or to have it known that she was even acquainted 
with him. It is not the way to do, and often proves 
the first step to a reckless and profligate life. 



190 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP. 

It is impracticable to lay down rules as to the proper 
mode of courtship and proposals. The customs of 
different countries differ greatly in this respect. In 
France, for instance, it is the business of the parents 
to settle all preliminaries. In England the young man 
asks the consent of the parents to pay addresses to 
their daughter, while in this country the matter is left 
almost entirely with the young people themselves. 
Whether courtship may lead to an engagement or not 
must be determined by circumstances. If a man begins 
seriously to court a girl, but discovers, before he has 
become engaged, that they are entirely unsuited, he 
may, with perfect propriety and without serious injury 
to the lady, withdraw his attentions. It is laid down 
in some authorities upon this subject that the parents' 
authority should be obtained before the daughter is 
asked to give herself in marriage. While this would 
not be improper or wrong, still, in this country with 
our social customs, it is best not to be too strict in this 
regard. Each case has its peculiar circumstances which 
should govern it. A young man would always prefer 
to know the young lady's mind on the subject before 
he sought the will of the parents. No one wants a 
young lady to receive his hand in marriage just to 
please her parents, but there are few young men who 
will not take a young lady in opposition to her parents' 
wishes if he loves her and can get her. At all events 
the young lady' s feelings in the matter are considered 
of vastly more importance than the parents'. There 
should, however, be due consideration given to the 
feelings of the father and mother. They have reared 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 191 

the daughter, and expect that she will be an honor and 
a comfort to them. Their prejudices against a young 
man may be ill-founded, but still no young lady ought 
to discard her parents' counsels entirely in the matter 
of marriage, nor should a young man be too bold in 
encouraging defiance to their wishes. 

PARENTS' OVERSIGHT OF THEIR DAUGHTERS. 

Parents should be perfectly familiar with the char- 
acter of the company kept by their daughters, and 
should exercise such oversight as to prevent them 
from cultivating improper acquaintances. One mis- 
take parents often make is, in permitting an unac- 
ceptable suitor to continue his visits until he has 
completely captivated the girl's affections before any 
remonstrance is made ; then it is too late. Or, again 
the mistake is made of peremptorily forbidding a 
certain one's visits in a harsh manner, instead of 
reasoning with the daughter as they ought, and -show- 
ing her why she should discourage his attentions. 
The failure to properly appreciate their daughter's 
feelings in this matter often gives rise to an elope- 
ment. It is needless to say that it is to the interest 
of all, and especially the young lady, that the choice 
of a husband be made with great care. 

VIGILANCE REQUIRED BY PARENTS. 

Mothers especially should watch closely the ten- 
dency of their daughters' affections. If they see them 
turning in an unworthy direction, influence of some 
sort should be brought to bear to counteract this. 
Great delicacy and tact are required to manage things 
rightly. If possible, bring forward a more suitable 




m?mMM^k^: f «> A /:« 



(192) 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 193 

person to attract the girl's attention. Make apparent 
to her the objectionable traits of the undesirable 
suitor in a seeming unintentional way. If all this 
fails, and it is possible to do so, resort to change of 
scene and surroundings by travel or visiting. The 
latter remedy is the surest if matters have not gone 
too far. In fact, one-half the love matches wo aid be 
voluntarily broken up by the parties themselves if 
they should be separated for any great length of time. 
There is no other way to so surely test true love as 
this. 

REQUIREMENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE. 

Respect is as necessary to a happy marriage as 
affection. Social quality, intellectual sympathy, are 
very important matters to be considered by those who 
contemplate matrimony. They should be able to look 
above the impulses of an infatuated fancy, and see 
whether they each have qualities that will insure a 
congenial life -companionship. Many marry from the 
impulses of early love, and wake up to find themselves 
unmatched and unsuited in many respects to each 
other ; and so both lives become soured and spoiled 
because their cares are multiplied from a want of con- 
geniality. A man should love above himself. 

Another condition of domestic happiness is intel- 
lectual sympathy. Man requires a woman who can 
sympathize with him in his work, and woman requires 
a man of domestic tastes. Neither beauty, physical 
characteristics, nor other external qualities will com- 
pensate for the absence of intelligent thought and 
clear and quick apprehensions. 

Mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for 
Jiappiness in married life. There can be no true love 

13 



194 AMEKICAK ETIQUETTE. 

without trust. To combine with all the above con- 
ditions moral and religious sympathy, will insure not 
only a life of happiness, but also one of usefulness. 

DO NOT PRESS AN UNWELCOME SUIT. 

If a young lady has no affection for a man, and can 
not conceive that she ever could entertain any, it is 
cruel to urge her to give her hand without her love. 
The lover may eagerly believe that affection will grow 
with companionship, but it will not do to risk it. 
And the day may come when he will reproach his 
wife for having no love for him, and he will possibly 
make that the excuse for all manner of unkindness. 

A LADY'S FIRST REFUSAL. 

A lady's first refusal is not always to be taken as 
absolute. Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own 
feelings may influence a lady to reply in the negative^ 
when she would wish, after reconsideration, she had 
replied otherwise. A gentleman may repeat his suit 
after having been once repulsed, but if she refuses a 
second proposal the suit should be dropped. No 
lady ought to say "No" twice to a suit which she 
intends ultimately to accept. Allow your lady full 
time to make up her mind, and then, on a second 
refusal, drop the suit. , 

THE REJECTED SUITOR. 

Etiquette demands that the suitor shall accept the 
decision and retire from the field. He has no right to 
demand the reason of her refusal. To persist in 
urging the suit, or to follow up the lady with marked 
attentions, would be in the worst possible taste. The 



COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 195 

proper course is to treat her with respect, but with- 
draw as much as possible from the circles in which 
she moves, so as not to cause her painful reminis- 
cences. 

ENGAGEMENT RING. 

When a couple become engaged, the gentleman 
presents the lady with a ring, which is worn on the 
right finger of the right hand. He may make her 
other presents from time to time until they are mar- 
ried if he sees fit. 

POSITION OF AN ENGAGED WOMAN. 

While the engaged woman is not to cut herself off 
crom society entirely, yet she must remember that she 
has chosen^her future husband, and should not en- 
courage undue attentions from others. She is espe- 
cially to avoid all flirtations. Her mind should be 
turned to the future responsibilities which she is about 
to assume, and taken off the transient participation in 
social affairs. 

POSITION OF AN ENGAGED MAN. 

The same rules may be laid down for the man as the 
woman. He should not assume a masterful or jealous 
attitude toward his betrothed. They may both mingle 
to a certain extent in society, but not so as to create 
jealousy. 

RELATIONS OF AN ENGAGED COUPLE. 

A young man has no right to appear in public with 
other ladies while his future bride remains at home. 
He is, after engagement, her legitimate escort. She 
should accept no other escort when he is at liberty to 



196 



AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 



attend her. Neither should be too demonstrative of 
their affection before marriage. 

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT. 

It sometimes becomes necessary to break off an 
engagement. And this, indeed, is not always unjusti- 
fiable. If anything is developed that will make the 
marriage unhappy, it is far better to break it off than 
otherwise. Always break an engagement by letter. 
In this way the reasons can be set forth fully without 
the embarrassment of the other' s presence. Upon the 
dissolution of an engagement all letters, pictures, 
presents, etc., received should be returned. The 
heartaches that come from disappointed love do not 
last always, therefore do not think it the greatest of 
calamities that separation should come even though 
on the verge of marriage. * 




CHAPTER XXI. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 

: HE forms and circum- 
stances of wedding occa- 
sions are so various that it 
would be impossible to lay 
down rules to suit every 
conceivable occasion. Con- 
sequently only those forms 
of marriage attended with 
the fullest ceremonies will 
here be given — others, of 
w course, can be modeled 
, d after them as the occa- 
sion may require. After 
the invitations are issued 
the fiancee does not appear in public. 




THE BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN. 

Bridesmaids are taken from the relatives or most 
intimate friends — the sisters of the bride and of the 
bridegroom where possible. The bridegroom chooses 
his groomsmen and ushers from his circle of relatives 
and friends of his own age, and from the relatives of 
his fiancee of a suitable age. 

(197) 



198 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



THE BRIDAL COSTUME. 

The most approved bridal costume for young brides 
is of white silk, high corsage, along veil of white tulle, 
reaching to the feet, and a wreath of maiden blush 
roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can con- 
tinue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suit- 
able for the ceremony. 




COSTUMES OF THE BRIDEGROOM AND USHERS. 

The bridegroom and ushers, at a' morning wedding, 
wear full morning dress, dark blue or black frock 
coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and light trousers. 
The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear 
gloves of some delicate color. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 199 



PRESENTS OF TEE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM. 

Where the bride makes presents to the bridesmaids 
on her wedding day, they generally consist of some 
articles of jewelry, not costly, and given simply as a 
memento of the occasion. The bridegroom sometimes 
gives the groomsmen a scarf-pin of some quaint device, 
or other slight memento of the occasion. 



CEREMONIALS WHEN THERE ARE NO USHERS OR 
BRIDESMAIDS. 

When there are no bridesmaids or nshers the cere- 
monials are as follows: The members of the bride's 
family proceed to the church before the bride, who 
follows with her mother. The bridegroom awaits them 
at the chnrch, and gives his arm to the bride's mother. 
They walk np the aisle to the altar, the mother falling 
back to her position on the left. The father, or relative 
representing him, conducts the bride to the bridegroom 
who stands at the altar with his face turned toward 
her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the 
left. The relatives follow, taking their places stand- 
ing ; those of the bride to the left, those of the groom 
to the right. After kneeling at the altar for a moment, 
the bride, standing on the left of the groom, takes the 
glove off from her left hand while he takes the glove 
off from his right hand. The service then begins. 
The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's 
right arm, and they pass down the aisle. The bride 
and groom drive away in their own carriage. The 
rest follow in their own carriages. 



200 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 



THE LATEST CEREMONIALS. 

The latest New York form for the marriage cere- 
mony is as follows: When the bridal party has 
arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in pairs, 
march slowly up to the altar, and turn to the right. 
Behind them follows the groom alone. When he 
reaches the altar, he turns, facing the aisle, to await 
the coming of his bride. After a slight interval, the 
bridesmaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to 
the left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone 
and entirely veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows 
her companions. The groom comes forward a few 
steps to meet her, and taking her hand, places her 
at the altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devo- 
tion. The parents having followed her, stand just 
behind and partly to the- left. The ceremony now 
proceeds as usual. While the bride and bridegroom 
are passing out of the church, the bridesmaids follow 
slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they after- 
ward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome 
the bride at her own door, and to arrange themselves 
about the bride and groom in the reception-room, half 
of the ladies upon her side and half upon his, the first 
bridesmaid retaining the place of honor. 

THE USHERS' DUTIES. 

The ushers at the door of the reception-room offer 
themselves as escorts to parties, who arrive slowly 
from the church, conducting them to the bridal party, 
and there presenting them by name. At the church 
the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the 
inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 201 

as they enter, to their proper seats in the church. If 
the lady be accompanied, the gentleman follows the 
usher and lady to their seat, 

WEDDINGS AT HOME. 

Weddings at home vary little from those at church. 
The music, the assembling of friends, the entree of the 
bridal party to the position selected, are the same. An 
altar of flowers and place of kneeling can easily be 
arranged at home. Other floral accessories, such as 
the marriage bell, horseshoe or white dove, etc., can 
be arranged with ease by a skillful florist if desired. 

EVENING WEDDING. 

The only difference in an evening wedding from one 
in the morning would be, that the ushers or grooms- 
men wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire 
quietly to dress for their journey before the dancing 
party disperses, and thus leave unobserved. 

THE WEDDING HING. 

At present all churches use the ring, and vary the 
sentiment of its adoption to suit the customs and the 
ideas of their own rites. A jeweled ring has been for 
many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at 
present a plain gold circlet with the date of the engage- 
ment inscribed within, is generally preferred. The 
ring is removed by the groom at the altar, passed to 
the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled 
ring is placed on her hand by the groom on the way 
home from church. 



l||ll||lilllllllllIiB^ 




(202) 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 203 

INVITATIONS. 

Wedding invitations should be handsomely en- 
graved in script. The following is the latest form 
of invitations : 



■ivno'CSi'it t^ytttc-rz/ 



£ su-a-ud feded-e<?i€.-e -u-t <{<£& ^yyi-ezd-d-ctz^-e ■a£ ■^jn.-e-ti 



■Cc-d 



ei. 



■Cdd cpwt.-t.rz vyte.<cc<fa. 



& 






i-c^-tz^ Cyf<^-u■e^^^-ed XJtZ; ez£ /J- -a -cd^ac/z. 



■awt- d \£{<?it<td<c-?t / 



The invitation requires no answer. Friends living 
in other towns receiving it, enclose their cards and 
send by mail. The invitation to the wedding break- 
fast is enclosed in the same envelope, generally on a 
square card half the size of the sheet of note paper 
containing wedding invitation. The following is one 
among many forms : 



204 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 



ofc 



<avn& 






The card of admission to the church is narrower, 
and is plainly engraved in large script, as follows : 



About half an hour intervenes between the cere- 
mony and reception. Those receiving "At Home" 
invitations should never fail to accept. 

REQUIREMENTS OF BRIDESMAIDS AND USHERS. 

Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but 
illness or some unavoidable accident to prevent them 
from officiating. They should gratefully accept the 
honored position for which they have been selected, 
and thus show their appreciation of the friendship and 
esteem in which they are held by the bridal pair. If for 
any reason one can not attend, a substitute should be 
provided immediately. 

BRIDAL PRESENTS. 

Bridal presents should be sent to the bride previous 
to the day of the ceremony. The universal bridal pres- 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. 



205 



ent has fallen into disuse, and if presents are made 
they should be spontaneous, and not considered oblig- 
atory. These presents are not now put on exhibition 
-as formerly, but acknowledged in a private note by 
the bride. It is not in good taste to talk about the 
presents. 




ARRAXGEMEXTS FOR THE CEREMONIES. 

A master of ceremonies is often selected for church 
weddings, who is expected to be at the church as soon 
as the doors are opened. He makes all necessary 
arrangements at the church for the reception of the 



206 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

bridal party. He sees that a white ribbon is stretched 
across the aisle of the church, far enough back from 
the front to provide room for family and special guests 
in the front pews. The organist should be early at 
his post, and is expected to play during the arrival 
of the guests. The order of the religious part of the 
ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs. 

CALLS. " 

All guests who receive "At Home" invitations, or 
who are invited to the church, are required by etiquette 
to call upon the family of 'the bride, or leave their 
cards, within ten days after the wedding. They are 
expected also to call upon the newly married pair if 
;hey continue to reside in the city where they ar «■ 
married. 



CHAPTER XXII. 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 




sitting 



ECENTLY a little 
girl, not more than 
six years of age, 
was observed to arise from her seat 
and go carefully around a company 
of ladies and gentlemen who were 
around avfire, in place of passing in 
front of them, as most little ones of that age 
would have done. The action of the little 
girl called forth a remark of approbation 
from someone else who observed her conduct. 
Her parents at her early age had already done for her 
what many another one has to acquire through the 
tribulation of an embarrassing experience. It is an 
unfortunate thing that so many young men and 
women have to be taught what is proper and what is 
not proper conduct after they have reached years of 
maturity. Our young people might as well grow up 
intuitively taught in the principles and graces of good 
conduct by the example and advice of careful and con- 

(.207) 



208 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



siderate parents, as to come into manhood and woman- 
hood rude, ungraceful and negligent of the many little 
acts of kindness and unselfishness which always 
characterize a well-bred person. In this spirit and 
with this hope the following rules of conduct are 
presented : 




GRACEFULNESS. 

To every well-bred man and woman physical educa- 
tion is indispensable. It is the duty of a gentleman to 
know how to ride, to shoot, to fence, to box, to swim, 
to row, and to dance. He should be graceful. If 
attacked by ruffians, a man should be able to defend 
himself, and also to defend women from their insults. 
Dancing, skating, swimming, archery, games of lawn 
tennis, riding and driving, and croquet, all aid in 
developing and strengthening the muscles, and should 
be practiced by ladies. The better the physical train- 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 209 

ing, the more self-possessed and graceful she will be. 
Open-air exercise is essential to good health and a 
perfect physical development. 

AWKWARDNESS OF ATTITUDE. 

Awkwardness of attitude betrays a want of good 
home training and physical culture. It is a mark of 
vulgarity. A lady shoul^ not sit cross-legged or side- 
wise on her chair, nor stretch out her feet, nor hold 
her chia, twirl her ribbons, or finger her buttons. A 
man should not lounge in his chair, nurse his leg, 
caress his foot crossed over his knee, or bite his nails. 
A gentleman is allowed more freedom than a lady. 
He may sit cross-legged if he wish, but should not 
sit with his knees far apart, nor with his foot on his 
knee. In indicating an object, move the whole hand, 
or the head, but never point the finger. All should be 
quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing 
position. 

OUR MOO DS. 

Before we enter society we should subdue our 
gloomy moods. It is our duty to speak kindly and 
look pleasantly. Unless others make us the confidant 
of their woes, we should not inflict them with any 
dismal account of our health, state of mind or outward 
circumstances. We should appear sympathetic. A 
lady who expresses in plain, curt words, or by act, 
that the visit of another is unwelcome, may think her- 
self no hypocrite ; but she is very selfish. Courtesy 
requires her to forget her own feelings, and remember 
those of her visitor. 

• 14 



210 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

GOSSIP AND TALE-BEARING. 

* 

Gossip and tale- bearing are always a personal con- 
fession of malice or imbecility. These things should 
be shunned by the young of both sexes, who should, 
by the most thorough culture, free themselves from 
all inclination in that direction. 

A GOOD LISTENER. 

The art of being a good listener is almost as great as 
that of being a good talker ; but you should do more 
than listen. It is your duty to seem interested in the 
conversation of those who are talking. To manifest 
impatience is a mark of low breeding. 

COUGHING, SNEEZING, ETC. 

If you must cough, sneeze or clear the throat, do it 
as quickly as possible. You should never expectorate, 
snuff, nor hawk in society. By placing the thumb or 
fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose, a sneeze 
can be checked. Bury the face in a handkerchief 
during the act of sneezing, for obvious reasons. 

REMOVING THE HAT. 

Through instinct a gentleman will remove his hat 
as soon as he enters a room, .the habitual resort of 
ladies. He never sits in the house with his hat on in 
the .presence of ladies. A gentleman will not retain 
his hat in a theatre or place of public entertainment. 

TALKING OF PERSONALITIES. 

Never speak of your birth, your travels or any 
personal matters to those who may misunderstand 



EULES OF CONDUCT. 211 

you, and consider it boasting. If induced to speak 
of them, do not speak boastfully, and do not dwell 
too long upon them. 

UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS. 

If a young man appears to be attracted by, and 
attentive to a young lady, be exceedingly cautious 
about expressing an unfavorable opinion to him relative 
to her. The remembrance of your observations will 
not be pleasant to the parties, nor to yourself, should 
they marry. 

A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME. 

Lord Chesterfield says : "Civility is particularly due 
to all women ; and remember that no provocation 
whatever can justify any man in not being civil to 
every woman ; and the greatest man would justly be 
reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest 
woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protec- 
tion they have against the superior strength of ours." 
~No gentleman will speak a word against any woman 
at any time, or mention a woman's name in any com- 
pany where it should not be spoken. 

KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS. 

It is very rude and an extreme violation of the rules 
of etiquette to make an engagement, either of business 
or pleasure, and break it. Those whose memory is 
not retentive enough to keep all engagements, should 
enter them in a small memorandum book carried for 
that purpose. 

DO NOT CONTRADICT. 

It is extremely impolite to directly contradict any 
one. * If the matter is of no importance, let it pass ; 



212 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




RULES OF CONDUCT. 213 

otherwise, say, " I beg your pardon, but I think you 
are mistaken or misinformed," or any other similar 
phrase, which will break the weight of direct contra- 
diction. 

SPEAKING PERSONS' NAMES. 

In speaking of absent persons, who are not intimate 
friends or relatives, do not use their Christian names 

or surnames, but always use Mr. , or Mrs. . or 

Miss . Do not speak of any one as "Mr. D." In 

speaking of a foreigner give his full name. 

PLAYIXG AND SINGING IN SOCIETY. 

If a lady is requested to sing or play, she should do 
so at once, if she intends to comply, without waiting 
to be urged. In refusing, she should do it in a manner 
that shall make her decision final. A lady should not 
monopolize the evening with her performances, but 
retire to make room for others. It is a mark of vanity 
for a lady to exhibit any anxiety to sing or play. 

SMOKING. 

A gentleman should not smoke in the presence of 
ladies, even though they have given permission, nor 
should he smoke in a room which ladies are in the 
habit of frequenting. The rules of politeness forbid it. 

THE BREATH. 

Keep the breath sweet and pure. Gentlemen should 
be careful and not go into the presence of ladies smell- 
ing of tobacco. Onions should not be eaten because 
of their offensiveness to the breath. 



214 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

EMOTION. 

It is a mark of good breeding to suppress undue 
emotion, whether of disappointment, of mortification, 
of laughter, of anger, or of selfishness in any form. 

DO NOT RECALL AN INVITATION. 

Even from the best motives, an invitation, once given, 
can not be recalled, without subjecting the one who 
recalls it to the charge of being either ignorant or 
regardless of all rules of conventional politeness. 
The only exception to this rule is, when the wrong 
person has received the invitation. 

TREATMENT OF INFERIORS. • 

Never affect superiority. If you chance to be in the 
company of an inferior, do not let him feel his infe- 
riority. When you invite an inferior as your guest, 
treat him with all the politeness and consideration 
you would show an equal. 

A CHECKED CONVERSATION. 

If a person checks himself in a conversation, you 
should not insist on hearing what he intended to say. 
There was some good reason for checking himself, and 
it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to 
carry out his first intentions. 

ADAPT YOURSELF TO OTHERS. 

The best advice we can give under this head is to 
follow the old saying, ' ' When in Rome, do as Rome 
does." 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 215 

INTRUDING ON PRIVACY. 

Knock before entering a private room anywhere. 
The private property of others should be carefully 
respected. Do not allow your curiosity to tempt you 
to pry into desks, letters, pockets, trunks, or any thing- 
belonging to another. Do not read a written paper 
lying open on a desk or table ; whatever it may be, it 
is certainly no business of yours. If a person is read- 
ing or writing, do not look over his shoulder. Never 
question a servant or child upon family affairs. An 
implied confidence should not be betrayed, even if 
secrecy has not been requested. 

A LADY DRIVING WITH A GENTLEMAN. 

If a gentleman accepts an invitation from a lady to 
drive in her phaeton, he should walk to her house, 
unless she proposes to call for him. In that case he 
should, if possible, meet her on the way, or at least not 
cause her to wait for him. 

BE MODERATE. 

Your opinions should be expressed with modesty. 
If required to defend them, do so earnestly, but with- 
out that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. 
Avoid entering into argument. When you have 
spoken your mind, and shown that you are not cow- 
ardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject 
and lead to some other topic. 

ANECDOTES, PUNS AND REPARTEES. 

Avoid bringing anecdotes into conversation. Do 
not exhibit vulgarity by "making puns." Indulge 



216 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

with moderation in repartees, as they degenerate into 
the vulgarity of altercation. 

PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS. 

Unless required to take the precedence, give it to 
those older or of higher social position than yourself. 
It is better to give others the rank of precedence than 
to take your own. 

VULGAR ACTS. 

When committed in the presence of others the fol- 
lowing acts are classed as vulgarities : 

To stand or sit with feet wide apart. 

To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones. 

To use profane language, or stronger expressions 
than the occasion justifies. 

To sit with your back to v a person, without asking 
to be excused. 

To chew tobacco, and its unnecessary accompani- 
ment, spitting, are vulgar in the extreme. 

To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, 
or in their modes of speech. 

To stand with the arms a-kimbo ; to lounge or yawn, 
or to do anything which shows disrespect, selfishness 
or indifference. 

GENERAL RULES. 

Never attract attention to yourself by talking or 
laughing loudly in public. 

Never neglect to perform a commission undertaken 
for a friend. 

Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply 
courteously at whatever inconvenience to yourself. 

Never lean your head against the wall, as you may 
soil the paper of the room. 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 217 

Never lend a borrowed book, but return such a book 
the day you are done with it. 

Never engage a person in private conversation in 
presence of others, nor make any mysterious allusions 
which no one else understands. 

Never waste the time of others by making them wait 
for you. Be punctual. 

Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, 
and never hesitate to make one. if it is due from 
you. 

"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or 
of his faults behind his back." 

Never ridicule others, be the objects of your ridicule 
present or absent. 

Never boast of birth, friends or money, or of any 
superior advantages you may have. 

Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her 
Christian name. The acquaintance may take offense 
at the presumption. 

Never pass before persons when it is possible to pass 
behind them ; and never pass between two persons 
who are talking together. Apologize when such an 
act is necessary. 

Never intrude upon a business man or woman in 
business hours unless you wish to see them on business. 

Never stamp noisily or slam a door on entering a 
room. 

Do not seem to notice the deformity of another. 

Always hand a chair for a lady, and perform any 
little service she may seem to require. 

Under ordinary circumstances a lady precedes a 
gentleman; a gentleman precedes a lady passing 
through a crowd. 




(218) 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 219 

Avoid every species of affectation, as it is always 
detected, and exceedingly disagreeable. 

Talk as little of yourself as possible, or of the busi- 
ness or profession in which you are engaged. 

Ladies never offer to take the arm in escorting each 
other. 

Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of 
others. It is a poor compliment to thus forget them. 

"In private, watch your thoughts ; in your family, 
watch your temper; in society, watch. your tongue. 1 ' 

Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the 
house where you visit. They are intended to be ad- 
mired, not handled, by visitors. 

It is impolite to administer reproof to any one in 
the presence of others. It is unwise to scold at any 
time. 

Bow slightly, as a general salutation, on entering a 
room, before speaking to each of the persons there 1 
assembled. 

In speaking of your children to any one except ser- 
vants, unless married, give them their Christian names 
only, or say "my daughter" or "my son." 

Acknowledge, without delay, an invitation to stop 
with a friend, or any unusual attention. 

A gentleman or lady may look over a book of en- 
gravings or a collection of photographs with propriety, 
but it is impolite to read in company. 

It is best to deal courteously with the rude as well 
as with the courteous. Contempt and haughtiness are 
habits to be avoided. 

Never pick your teeth, clean your nails, scratch 
your head or pick your nose in company. 



220 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Never answer a serious remark with, a flippant one, 
or play a practical joke on any person. 

Always show respect for the religions opinions and 
observations of others, no matter how much they may 
differ from your own. 

Be quiet and composed under all cirpumstances. 
Do not get fidgety if time drags heavily, nor show any 
visible signs of uneasiness. 

Do not show a want of courtesy by consulting your 
watch either at home or abroad. If at home, it ap- 
pears as though you were tired of your company, and 
wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as 
though the hours dragged heavily, and you were cal- 
culating how soon you would be released. 

WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS. 

Washington's directions as to personal conduct, 
which he called his "Rules of Civility and Decent 
Behavior in Company," have been given to the public 
by Mr. Sparks in his biography of Washington. 
They are interesting and valuable, and we give them 
entire. 

"Every action in company ought to be with some sign of 
respect to those present. 

" In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a hum- 
ming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet. 

" Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand,, 
and walk not when others stop. 

"Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking ; jog 
not the table or desk on which another reads or writes ; lean 
not on any one. 

" Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that delights not 
to be played with. 



RULES OF CONDUCT. 221 

" Read no letters, books or papers in company ; but when 
there is a necessity ior doing it, you must not leave. Come 
not near the books or writings of any one so as to read them 
unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter. 

" Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters 
somewhat grave. 

" Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though 
he were your enemy. 

" They that are in dignity of office have in all places prece- 
dency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those 
that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they 
have no public charge. 

"It is good manners to rjrefer them to whom we speaK 
before ourselves, especially if they be above us. 

" Let your discourse with men of business be short and com- 
prehensive. 

" In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if 
you be not knowing therein. 

" In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title 
according to his degree and the custom. of the place. 

" Strive not with your superiors in argument, but alwaj^s sub- 
mit your judgment to others with modesty. 

" Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself 
professes ; it savors arrogancy. 

" When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, 
blame not him that did it. 

" Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it 
ought to be in public or private, presently or at some other 
time, also in what terms to do it ; and in reproving show no 
signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness. 

" Mock not nor jest at anything of importance ; break no 
jests that are sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything 
witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself. 

" Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, 
for example is more prevalent than precept. 



222 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

" Use no reproachful language against any one neither 
curses nor revilings. 

" Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement 
of any one. 

"In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate 
nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of 
your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time 
and place. 

" Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see 
if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings 
set neatly and clothes handsomely. 

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem 
your reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad com- 
pany. 

" Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a 
sign of tractable and commendable nature : and in all causes 
for passion admit reason to govern. 

" Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret. 

"Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and 
learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst 
the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed. 

"Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth, nor at the 
table ; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds ;. 
and if others mention them, change, if you can, the, discourse. 
Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends. ' 

" Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh 
not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's mis- 
fortunes, though there seem to be some cause. 

" Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. 
Scoff at none, although they give occasion. 

"Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to 
salute, hear and answer; and be not pensive when it is time to 
converse. 

"Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in com- 
mending. 



KULES OF CONDUCT. 223 

" Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be 
welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked ; and 
when desired, do it briefly. 

" If two contend together, take not the part of either uncon- 
strained, and be not obstinate in your opinion ; in things in- 
different be of the major side. 

" Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs 
to parents, ma.sters and superiors. 

" Gaze not upon the marks or blemishes of others, and ask 
not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your 
friend deliver not before others. * 

" Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your 
own language ; and that as those of quality do, and not as the 
vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously. 

" Think before you speak ; pronounce not imperfectly, nor 
bring out your words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly." 

" When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb 
not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, 
nor prompt him without being desired ; interrupt him not, nor 
answer him till his speech be ended. 

" Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper 
not in the company of others. 

" Make no comparisons ; and if any of the company be com- 
mended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for 
the same. 

" Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. 
In discoursing of the things that you have heard, name not 
your author always. A secret discover- not. 

" Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither ap- 
proach to those that speak in private. 

" Undertake not what you can not perform ; but be careful 
to keep your promise. 

" When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and in- 
discretion, however mean the person may be you do it to. 

"When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither 
speak nor laugh. 



224 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



" In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give 
liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the 
judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of 
the dispute. 

" Be not tedious in discourse ; make not many digressions, 
nor repeat often the same matter of discourse. 

" Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 

" Be not angry at table, whatever happens ; and if you have 
reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, 
especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one 
dish a feast. 

" Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be 
your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend 
not, lest you should trouble the company. 

" When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be serious- 
ly, in reverence and honor ; and obey your natural parents. 

"Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. 

" Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celes- 
tial fire called conscience. 




CHAPTER XXIII, 




ANNIVERSARIES. 



T is the aim and the object of 
ijk all anniversaries, whether in 
' "t pnblic or in private life, to 
I enable us to bring back 
again viva voce the scenes 
and the events which, al- 
though past, make us thrill 
with the joy, the life and the 
enthusiasm of what once 
marked an epoch in our 
lives. Imbued with this spirit, the practice of cele- 
brating wedding anniversaries has come to be largely 
observed among all classes of good society. The cus-. 
torn is a good one, because it affords an opportunity 
for a social reunion among the friends and relatives 
of the husband and wife. On these occasions the 
couple celebrating often appear in the wedding cos- 
tume which, if preserved many years, adds interest 
and pleasure by its quaintness and oddity as compared 
with the prevailing styles. The couple receive their 
guests together, who, upon entering the drawing-room, 
tender their congratulations and good wishes for con- 
tinued prosperity and happiness. The various anni- 

15 (225) 




(226) 



ANNIVEESAEIES. 227 

versaries receive names indicative of the presents 
suitable to such occasions. At the earlier anniver- 
saries much pleasantry is occasioned by presenting 
unique and fantastic articles prepared for the occasion. 
In doing this, care should be taken not to offer any- 
thing which would be apt to give offense to a person 
of a sensitive nature. 

THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDINGS. 

The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called 
the paper wedding, the second the cotton wedding, 
and the third the leather wedding. Invitations to the 
first should be printed or written on a gray paper. 
Articles made of paper should be the only presents 
given. 

For the cotton wedding invitations should be printed 
on fine cotton cloth. Presents, if given, should be of 
articles of cotton cloth. 

Issue invitations for the leather wedding upon 
leather, nicely gotten up. Only presents of leather 
are appropriate. 

THE WOODEN WEDDING. 

The fifth anniversary of the marriage is called the 
wooden wedding. In issuing invitations use thin cards 
of wood, or enclose in an envelope a card of wood 
with invitation, which may be written upon wedding 
paper. Articles made of wood are suitable for pres- 
ents. 

THE TIN WEDDING. 

The tin wedding is the tenth anniversary of the 
marriage. The invitations should be upon cards 



AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 




ANNIVERSARIES. 229 

covered, with a tin card enclosed. Presents may be 
selected from the list of articles made of tin. 

THE CRYSTAL WEDDING. 

The fifteenth anniversary is called the crystal wed- 
ding. The invitations for this anniversary may be on 
wedding paper with a sheet of mica enclosed, thin 
transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gela- 
tine. Presents should be articles of glass. 

THE FLORAL WEDDING. 

The floral wedding occurs on the twentieth anniver- 
sary of the wedding day. The invitations should be on 
exceedingly fine paper, elegantly printed and enclosed 
in an envelope, with a small pressed flower bearing a 
sentiment that you wish to express. If presents are 
offered, they may be tastefully arranged bouquets, 
wreaths or garlands, or floral emblems, suitable to that 
for which they are designed. 

THE SILVER WEDDING. 

The 'silver wedding is the twenty-fifth anniversary 
of the wedding-day. The invitations may be issued 
upon an excellent quality of note paper, printed in 
bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both paper 
and envelope, in silver also. Presents of silver are 
appropriate. 

THE PEARL WEDDING. 

The pearl wedding is the thirtieth anniversary. The 
invitations should be printed with pearl type on a very 
fine glazed card, oval-shaped, and of a silvery or bluish 
white color. Presents, if offered, should be articles of 
pearl. 



230 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

THE CHINA WEDDING. 

The china wedding is the thirty-fifth anniversary. 
The invitations for this wedding should be on a supe- 
rior quality of fine, semi-transparent note paper or 
cards. Any article of china ware, useful or orna- 
mental, is suitable for a present on this occasion. 

THE CORAL WEDDTNG. 

The coral wedding occurs on the fortieth anniver- 
sary of the marriage. Invitations maybe issued upon 
a fine wedding paper. Presents may be of white or 
red coral. 

THE BRONZE WEDDING. 

The forty-fifth anniversary of the wedding-day is 
called the bronze wedding. The invitations should 
be issued upon bronzed cards. Articles of bronze 
may be offered as presents. 

THE GOLDEN WEDDING. 

The close of half a century of married life is truly 
an event worthy of celebration. When man and wife 
have clung together and braved the storms of this life 
for fifty years, they certainly deserve hearty congratu- 
lations and offerings of gold. Invitations should be 
upon superfine note paper, printed in gold, with 
highly burnished crest or monogram on both paper 
and envelope. If presents are offered, they should 
be in gold. 

THE DIAMOND WEDDING. 

Diamond weddings are seldom celebrated. Few 
persons dwell together under the holy bonds of 



ANNIVERSARIES. 



231 



matrimony seventy-five years. So rare is the diamond 
wedding that no particular form of invitations is in 
use. A general offering of presents on this occasion is 
impossible, since the means of most persons will not 
admit of making gifts of diamonds. 




PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 



Custom and the rules of etiquette do not require 
that an invitation to an anniversary wedding be 
acknowledged by a gift. The members of the family 
and intimate friends are usually the donors on such 
occasions, and may use their own judgment as to 
giving presents. 



232 AMEK1CAN ETIQUETTE. 

It is not amiss and is generally customary in issuing 
invitations to a golden or silver wedding, to have 
printed at the bottom the words "No presents," or to 
inclose a card announcing — "Presents are not 
expected." 

INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 

Below is given a model invitation to an anniversary 
wedding. The names of the husband and wife, and 
the dates of the marriage and the anniversary may be 
inserted in their proper places. 

MODEL INVITATION. 



, .'Pa^-n / (yry€,<ai&frn4Z<. 






-t-ed-ctztmc-e -off st-A-e-ct 'G^z^z, 



(fe. MQ. oS^-a-lt/, 



-wi <£t4*-a wyi't't-'L ■'tew -a -c-^-a-c-rk. 



A proper variation will make the above form suit- 
able for all anniversary weddings. 



ANNIVERSARIES. 



233 



THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY. 

The marriage ceremony is often repeated at silver 
or golden weddings. The officiating clergyman may 
so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony 
as to render them appropriate to the occasion. The 
earliest anniversaries are almost too mirthful occasions 
upon which to introduce this ceremony. 




CHAPTER XXIV. 




THE TOILET. 

LEANLINESS, neatness and tidi- 
ness represent the triple incentive 
to the maintenance of any and 
every system of etiquette. One's 
conversation may be fascinating, 
his actions graceful, and his coun- 
tenance pleasing ; but if his person 
is untidy, his hair unkempt, and his 
dress negligent, we are instinctively 
unequivocally repelled. Therefore, 
in matters pertaining to cleanliness and 
tidiness any one who would be a well-bred person can 
not be too careful. The sweetness, attractiveness and 
purity which pervade the presence of any neat and 
careful person are, in themselves, attractions which at 
once open to him the way to social position and the 
ownership of many friends. The toilet, then, is a 
careful and a daily attention to the neatness and tidi- 
ness of one's person and dress. Out of it grow better 
health, greater pleasure and more perfect beauty 
than one can hope to obtain from any other source. 
With these in mind, let no gentleman fail to give atten- 
tion to well-combed hair, clean hands, well-trimmed 
beard or cleanly shaven face, and good clothes ; while 
^very lady will be sure to avoid an untidy dress and 
disheveled hair. 

(235) 



236 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



THE BATH 



The bath is the first requisite for health, cleanliness, 
vigor and beauty. No better health preservative can 
be prescribed than the bath. It not only cleanses the 
body, but preserves the skin and keeps its millions of 
pores in a clean, healthy state. We should not bathe 
simply to be clean, but for the sanitary effects, and to 
remain healthy and clean. Nothing refreshes and 
invigorates like cold water, but it stimulates too much 
and does not cleanse enough. A warm water bath 
once or twice a week, with plenty of soap, is necessary 
for cleanliness. The water should be from eighty-five 
to ninety-five degrees Fahrenheit. The flesh-brush 
should be applied vigorously, and a coarse Turkish 
towel used for thorough drying. For beautifying the 
complexion, the daily use of the sponge or flesh-brush, 
plenty of exercise in the operation, and early rising, 
can not be equaled. 

A house should always be provided with a bath- 
room. Dispense with the parlor or a bed-room before 
you do without the bath-room. The loss will be a 
princely gain. A house containing a bath-room, with 
hot and cold water, affords a luxury to be prized ; but 
in small towns and country houses such conveniences 
can not be had. An oilcloth placed upon the floor 
will make a hand bath agreeable. 

The shower bath can not be recommended for indis- 
criminate use, for it can not be endured by persons of 
delicate constitutions. 

A hip bath may be taken every morning with the 
temperature of the water suited to the endurance of 
the individual. A sponge bath is recommended upon 
retiring in summer. A warm bath should be taken at 



THE TOILET. 237 

least once each week in order to thoroughly cleanse 
the body and keep open the pores of the skin. Al- 
ways use rough towels to dry the skin, remove the 
impurities, and give a healthy glow to the body. 
The use of the hair glove or flesh brush is recom- 
mended before applying the towel. The head should 
he wet first in all baths. If overheated or fatigued, 
always rest before bathing. Dr. Franklin and eminent 
French physicians recommend the air bath, which is 
simply exposure to the sun, light and air, and in 
many cases this simple treatment is said to have 
effected wonderful cures. 

THE SKIN. 

The best way of improving and beautifying the skin 
is to improve the general health by temperate living, 
moderate exercise, early rising, perfect cleanliness of 
the entire person, and the avoidance of all cosmetics. 
Cosmetics and washes are dangerous to beauty, and 
surely defeat the end they seek. A free circulation of 
the blood is essential for a beautiful complexion. 
Tight lacing interferes with the circulation, hence it 
injures the complexion. Wash the skin thoroughly 
with warm water and soap frequently, to remove the 
oily exudations on its surface. Any unpleasant sen- 
sations that may be caused by the use of soap can be 
removed by rinsing the surface with water, to which 
has been added a little lemon juice or vinegar. 

FRECKLES. 

Freckles are of two kinds : those occasioned by ex- 
posure to the sun, and those which are constitutional 
and permanent. With care, the skin may be kept 



THE TOILET. 239 

free from the disfigurement of the former. Persons 
whose skin is very delicate should carefully avoid ex- 
posure to the sun. The iron in the blood forms a 
junction with the oxygen, and leaves a rusty mark 
where the junction takes place. These marks are 
called freckles. They may be removed by using as a 
wash, night and morning, a mixture of finely grated 
horse-radish and buttermilk, which has remained 
together over night and then strained ; or the juice of 
half a lemon with a half tumbler of water applied in 
the same manner. 

MOLES. 

Moles may be removed by moistening a stick of 
nitrate of silver, and touching them : they turn black, 
become sore, dry up, and fall off. If they do not go 
by first application, repeat. They are generally a 
great disfigurement to the face and should be removed, 
but it is better and safer to consult a surgeon before 
taking any steps to remove them. 

OTHER DISFIGUREMENTS. 

Other disfigurements and discolorations of the face 
and skin frequently proceed from improper care of the 
person, unwholesome diet, irregular habits, and a gen- 
eral derangement of the system. Good habits are 
necessary for the enjoyment of perfect health, and 
beauty of complexion is impossible without good 
health. Always seek the cause before applying a 
remedy, for you might aggravate rather than cure 
the evil. 

PERFUMES. 

The propriety of the use of perfumes is much ques- 
tioned by good authority, as that perfume which may 



240 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

t>e agreeable to one is perhaps offensive to another. 
If used at all, however, they must be of the finest 
quality, and used with great moderation. Perfumes 
that are generally unpleasant, such as musk and 
patchouli, must be avoided, as their odor, to most 
people, is very disagreeable. The best qualities of 
cologne water are seldom objectionable. 

THE TEETH. 

A face without well preserved, regular and pearly 
teeth can not be said to be beautiful. Bad and neg- 
lected teeth injure health. We must, to insure per- 
fect health and beauty, take great care of our teeth. 
The teeth should be carefully brushed with a soft 
brush on retiring at night and after each meal. Soft 
water is preferable to hard water. Be particular and 
use the brush on the inside as well as the outside of 
the teeth. Always thoroughly clean your brush after 
using by plunging it into a glass of clean water several 
times, and dry with a towel. 

Good authorities claim that the use of tooth washes 

or powders is injurious. If used at all, great care 

should be exercised concerning the frequency and 

quantity. When water will not clean the teeth, a 

moderately stiff brush and a good quality of Castile 

soap should be employed. The soap is harmless, and 

is the best cleanser for the teeth known. It may be 

used once a day, and will keep the teeth white and 

clean, unless they are disfigured and destroyed by 

bad habits, such as the use of tobacco or hot or cold 

drinks. 

DECAYED TEETH. 

Visit the dentist once every six months and have a 
careful examination of the teeth made ; if any appear- 



THE TOILET. 241 

ance of decay is discovered, have the decayed part 
removed and the cavity properly filled. Do not neg- 
lect the teeth if you wish to keep them sound. If 
decay is arrested at the first stage the tooth can be 
preserved, but if neglected it will be eventually 
destroyed. 

TARTAR OX THE TEETH. 

Tartar results from an impaired condition of the 
stomach's fluids and the general health. It collects 
on the teeth and gums, is of a yellowish tint, and is 
not easily removed. It should have immediate atten- 
tion. If you can not keep it down by a frequent use 
of the brush, go at once to a dentist and have it 
removed. If allowed to accumulate and form a firm, 
solid mass, the teeth will begin to decay, and the 
breath will be tainted. Washing the teeth with 
vinegar is said to assist in removing tartar in its early 
stages. 

The use of salt and water is highly recommended 
for removing and curing tenderness of the gums ; also 
frequent rinsing of the mouth with water containing 
a few drops of tincture of myrrh. 

FOUL BREATH. 

Foul breath is often caused by neglected and decayed 
teeth. If arising from the teeth, mouth or local cause, 
a gargle, made by dissolving a spoonful of chloride of 
lime in a half tumbler of water, will remove the 
offense. Frequent use of common parsley will remove 
the taint of smoking. Particles of food which lodge 
between the teeth can not always be removed with the 
brush, and if let remain will be decayed by the hot 
atmosphere of the mouth and cause offensive breath. 

16 







( 242 ) 



THE TOILET. 243 

A tooth-pick is necessary to remove such particles. 
A goose-quill is the safest and best. Those made of 
metal should be avoided. A harsh tooth-brush will 
irritate the gums, and should not be used. A concen- 
trated solution of chloride of soda, say five or ten 
drops in a wine-glass of water, is an excellent wash for 
the mouth to remove bad breath. The taint of onions 
may be removed with parsley leaves, with vinegar or 
burnt coffee. 

TEE FEET. 

The feet should be more carefully attended to than 
any other part of the body. Experience has taught 
every person that colds, and many other diseases 
which proceed from colds, are attributed to cold and 
improperly cared for feet. The feet are so far from 
the centre pf the system of circulation that the flow of 
the blood may be easily checked, and this could result 
in nothing but evil. Yet there is no part of the 
human body so much neglected and trifled with as the 
feet. Persons should not cramp their toes and feet 
into thin, narrow, bone-pinching, high-heeled boots 
and shoes, in order to display neat feet in the fashion- 
able sense of the term. Changing warm for cold shoes 
or boots can not be too carefully guarded against. 
Avoid wearing air-tight boots or shoes. India-rubber 
shoes should not be worn except when absolutely 
necessary, and then only for a short time. Wash the 
feet every day. A tepid bath at about eighty or 
ninety degrees should be used. The feet may remain 
in the water five minntes, and when taken out, they 
should be immediately dried with a coarse towel. 
Do not pare the nails until after the bath, as the water 
softens them and they will not break so easily. Good 



244 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

warm stockings and thick-soled boots and shoes, are 
conservators of health, and consequently of happiness. 

TREATMENT OF FETID PERSPIRATION OF THE FEET 

Many persons are annoyed with their feet perspiring 
very freely. This generally occurs in hot weather in 
the summer, though it often occurs in cold weather. 
This complaint should receive the greatest care and 
attention to insure cleanliness. The feet should be 
bathed regularly every night and morning in warm 
water and soap, which is usually sufficient. If this 
fails, a strong solution of carbonate of soda should 
be used. 

TO PROTECT THE FEET IN WALKING. 

Persons who have a great deal of walking to do 
should always have easy, well-fitting shoes or boots 
and woolen stockings. If the feet should get sore, 
take equal parts of gum camphor, olive oil and pure 
beeswax, and mix them together ; warm them until 
they are united and become a salve. At night wash 
the feet well, dry them, then apply the salve, and put 
on clean stockings and sleep with them on. Next day 
the feet will be in excellent trim for walking. 

Blisters may be prevented by turning the stockings 
wrong side out and rubbing them thoroughly with 
common brown soap before starting on a long walk. 
If blisters occur, pass a darning-needle threaded with 
worsted through the blister lengthwise, and leave an 
inch of the thread outside at each end. Let the 
thread remain until the new skin forms beneath the 
old. Do not. treat blisters in any other way, for a 
troublesome sore may be the result. 



THE TOILET. 245 



TREATMENT FOB CHILBLAIXS A2W FROSTED FEET. 

Chilblains may be avoided by keeping the feet dry, 
wearing lamb's wool socks, and never heating the feet 
too rapidly when they are cold. The following are 
highly recommended for chilblains and frosted feet : 

Apply common tar to the parts affected, and bind 
up with cloth, so as not to interfere with wearing the 
stocking. Wear this four days or a week. Or, dis- 
solve one ounce of white vitriol in a pint of water, and 
bathe the parts affected very often. 

An excellent chilblain ointment is made of two 
quarts of lard, one pint of turpentine, one-fourth of a 
pound of camphor, or less in the same proportions. 
Mix well. 

The following is said to be a sure cure for broken 
chilblains : The yolk of an egg well beaten up, and a 
teaspoonful of honey ; keep stirring them together, 
sprinkling on flour from the flour dredge whilst you 
are stirring, to make it of a thickish consistency. 
Spread this on the wound. 



THE TOE XAILS. 

The toe nails are more irregular in their growth and 
do not grow as rapidly as the finger nails, owing to 
their confined position. They should be trimmed 
once every two weeks. Pare them squarer than those 
of the fingers. Keep them long enough to protect the 
toe, but not so long as to wear holes in the stocking. 

When the flesh grows over the nails, the proper 
course to pursue is, to cut a notch in the centre of the 
nail, or to scrape it thin in the middle. The nail will 
grow more rapidly where the notch has been cut, and 



246 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

the extremities, which are imbedded in the flesh, will 
soon recover their former position. Do not fail to per- 
severe in it, and yon will surely find relief. Cut or 
scrape as deep as you can bear, and repeat the process 
every few days if necessary. Then avoid afterward 
cutting the corners of the nails too short. The ten- 
dency of the nail is to grow most toward the place 
where it is cut most. 

TREATMENT FOR CORNS. 

Many persons wear ill-fitted shoes and boots, and at 
the same time suffer pain from cramped toes and 
bruised corns. The best precaution for corns is to 
wear the right kind of boots and shoes always. Per- 
sons who wear loose, easy fitting shoes and boots are 
seldom troubled with corns. The most effective cure 
is to be found in the amplication of a circular disk of 
felted wool or of cotton with a hole in the middle to 
receive the corn. This may be obtained at drug stores. 
This relieves the corn by removing from it the pressure 
of the shoe ; in time, the corn will entirely disappear. 

THE HAND. 

A perfect hand with tapering fingers, and pink, fil- 
bert-shaped nails, is a mark of beauty. The hand is 
in proper proportion to the rest of the body when it is 
as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of the 
hair on the forehead. 

Every person should be particular with, and give 
their hands much attention. They should be kept 
perfectly clean. Wash them frequently in soap and 
water, and scrub with a soft nail-brush. More care and 
attention is required in cold weather, for they are 



THE TOILET. 247 

likely to roughen and crack. Wash the hands in luke- 
warm water and dip them in cold- water, and very 
carefully dry them with a soft towel. They should be 
thoroughly dried and rubbed briskly for some time 
afterward. Frequent rubbing promotes circulation, 
which is the secret of a healthy skin and beautiful 
complexion. Washing in milk and water makes the 
skin white and delicate ; or at night anoint in palm oil 
and put on woolen gloves. Wash them next morning 
with hot water and soap, and wear a pair of soft 
leather gloves during the day. Sunburn may be re- 
moved by washing the hands in lime water or lemon 
juice. 

CHAPPED HANDS. 

Cold weather and improper care are usually the 
cause of chapped hands. Numerous remedies are 
recommended for chapped hands. Sweet cream is a 
good remedy, and a weak solution of chlorate of 
potash is said to be excellent. A thorough washing 
of the hands in snow and soap will cure the worst 
case of chapped hands, and leave them beautiful and 
soft. 

WABTS. 

Warts are very unsightly. They are more common 
with young people than with adults. In most cases 
they can be removed, but some are very difficult to 
get rid of. A harmless cure for warts may be had by 
simply taking two or three cents worth of sal ammo- 
niac, dissolve it in a gill of soft water, and wet the 
warts frequently with this solution, when they will 
disappear in the course of a week or two. Warts may 
be removed by touching with the end of a stick of 




(.248) 



THE TOILET. 249 

lunar caustic, which may be obtained, with directions 
for use, from any druggist, or an application of acetic 
acid once a day to the top will remove them. Cover 
the skin surrounding the wart with wax, to avoid 
injury from the acid. 

THE NAILS AJSfD MOIST HANDS. 

The nails must be kept scrupulously clean. Neg- 
lected and unclean nails are very repulsive, and show 
carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the 
toilet. Cut the nails neatly about once a week, always 
just after washing, as they are soft then, and round 
them nicely at the corners. Filbert-shaped nails are 
considered the most beautiful. Do -not cut them too 
short, and never bite them. To bite them is to dis- 
figure them and make them difficult to clean. If the 
skin adheres and grows up on the nail, it should be 
pressed back with the towel after washing ; or it may 
be loosened around the edge with a blunt instrument. 
Scraping the nails should be avoided, for instead of 
polishing it only makes them wrinkled. 

A small hand is not necessarily the most beautiful. 
The more exquisite the proportions the greater the 
degree of beauty. The hand that remains small and 
delicate because it has never done anything useful, is 
the homeliest of hands. The hand can perform its 
share of labor, and yet, with proper care, may be re- 
tained beautiful, soft and shapely. The hands should 
be well protected with gloves when performing any 
out-door work ; always for garden work. Wash them 
carefully and dry them thoroughly after such labor. 
Should they become roughened by soap, rinse them in 
vinegar or lemon juice. Plenty of out-door exercise, 



250 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

more baths, nutritious food, and few stimulants, is a 
good remedy for moist hands. Starch powder and 
lemon juice are recommended. Bean flour is said to 
be excellent. 

THE EYES. 

Beautiful eyes are always admired. Nothing lends 
so much to the beauty of the eyes as an honest, intel- 
ligent, benevolent expression of the face. The eyes 
are the index of the soul, and many traits of character 
may be read in them ; therefore, it should be remem- 
bered, that to have pleasing eyes, pleasing traits of 
character should be cultivated, and a clear conscience 
preserved. Their beauty is independent of all arts of 
the toilet. Wo thing is more foolish and vulgar than 
painting or coloring the lids or lashes. The eyes are 
very delicate and should never be tampered with. 
They are easily destroyed. 

SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS. 

This defect of the eyes is often acquired through 
habit or carelessness in youth, and if proper care and 
attention is given children by parents and teachers, it 
can generally be avoided. Books or papers should not 
be held too close to the eyes, for it invariably injures 
the sight. The near-sighted should wear glasses ex- 
actly fitting the vision. They should not be worn 
constantly though, as they tend to shorten the vision. 
Trust to the unaided eye as much as possible, and 
wear glasses only when it is absolutely necessary. 

SQUINT-EYES AND CROSS-EYES. 

Squint- and cross-eyes result many times from care- 
lessness and habit. Children should not be allowed 



THE TOILET. 251 

to wear their hair hanging down over the eyes, or any- 
thing that will direct the sight irregularly. Project- 
ing bonnets, ribbons and other ornaments coming 
within the possible reach of the sight should not be 
worn, as they generally injure the sight, and some- 
times cause the eyes to become crossed. A cross-eye 
will disfigure the most beautiful face, and should be 
remedied by a surgical operation. 

RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN THE USE OF 
THE EYES. 

Persons will profit by observing the following rules : 

Avoid all sudden changes between light and dark- 
ness. 

Never begin to read, write or sew for several min- 
utes after coming from darkness to bright light. 

Never read by twilight, or moonlight, or on a very 
cloudy day. 

Never read while riding in the cars, or any vehicle. 

Never read by an imperfect or unsteady light. 

Never read or sew directly in front of the light, or 
window or door. 

Never wear glasses when not needed. 

Never sleep so that on the first awakening the eyes 
shall open on the light of a window. 

Do not use the eyesight by light so scant that it 
requires an effort to discriminate. 

The moment you are instinctively prompted to rub 
your eyes, that moment cease using them. 

If the eyelids are glued together on waking up, do 
not forcibly open them, but apply the saliva (the 
speediest diluent in the world) with the finger, then 
wash your eyes and face in warm water. 



252 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Save your eyes — 

By sitting in such a position as will allow the 
light to fall obliquely over the shoulder while reading 
or sewing. 

By not using the eyes for reading, sewing, etc. , by 
artificial light, especially gaslight. 

By avoiding the special use of the eyes in the morn- 
ing before breakfast. 

By resting them for half a minute or so while read- 
ing or sewing, or looking at things at a distance or up 
to the sky. 

Keep the feet warm, and never cool the head sud- 
denly, under penalty of inflammation of the eyes. 

Bathe the eyes at night rather than morning. The 
moment you are conscious of an effort to read or sew, 
lay aside the book or needle, and employ yourself for 
an hour in some active exercise not requiring the close 
use of the eyes. 

INFLAMED EYES. 

Many remedies for inflamed eyes are highly recom- 
mended ; we present the simplest and the best. In all 
cases great care should be taken in regard to the diet, 
which should be light and unstimulating. Perfect 
quiet is necessary. Bathe the eyes in pure soft water, 
warm or cold, as may be most agreeable. At night 
apply cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, 
and wash them in the morning with lukewarm water. 
If the lids are scaly, do not seek to remove the scales 
roughly, for they bring the lashes with them. 

If some stronger application is desired, there is 
nothing better than a little alum boiled in a teacup- 
ful of milk, and the curd used as a poultice, or a 
poultice of raw potato scraped fine. An eye water 



THE TOILET. 253 

which has become very famous as one of the best, 
is made as follows : Take of sulphate of zinc ten 
grains, sugar of lead twenty grains, rose water one 
quart. Dissolve each separately, then mix and filter 
through blotting paper, and it is ready for use. 
Wash the eyes with this two or three times a day. 
It is well to keep this remedy on the toilet table 
constantly. Inflamed lids may be reduced by tying 
a small piece of ice in the corner of a thin hand- 
kerchief, and passing it back and forth over the 
closed eye, resting at intervals, when the cold is too 
intense. This has been found very efficacious. 

STY OX THE EYELID. 

To remove a sty, put a teaspoonful of tea in a 
small bag ; pour on just enough boiling water to 
moisten it ; then put it on the eye pretty warm. 
Keep it on all night, and in the morning the sty 
will most likely be gone ; if not, a second applica- 
tion is sure to remove it. 

EYEBROWS AND LASHES. 

By giving the eyebrows the same care which is 
given to the hair, they may be made more beautiful. 
If the eyebrows unite, let them alone. If you 
remove the uniting hairs, a scar will be produced 
which will disfigure more than the meeting eyebrows. 
The eyebrows may be brushed in the direction they 
ought to grow, and their beauty increased. 

The eyelashes may be lengthened by trimming 
carefully and evenly occasionally in childhood, but 
as they do not grow out again after a certain age, care 
should be taken not to ruin them. 



254 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



The eyebrows and lashes should not be 'dyed, 
except in cases where they are not of the same color 
as the hair. In all other instances the practice is 
exceedingly vulgar, and confusion and want of har- 
mony are generally produced. Nature is not easily 
improved upon. 




C^i 



TO GIVE BRILLIANCY TO THE EYES. 



Persons who wish to increase the brilliancy of their 
eyes should shut them early at night, and open them 
early in the morning ; let their minds be constantly 
intent on the acquisition of human knowledge, or on 



THE TOILET. 255 

the exercise of benevolent feelings. This will scarcely 
ever fail to impart to the eyes an intelligent and amia- 
ble expression, which, of course, increases the beauty, 
not only of the eyes, but the face. 

THE HAIR. 

" The glory of a woman is her long hair," the pride 
of a man a handsome, well-kept beard. The value 
and the beauty of hair or beard rise very greatly in 
proportion as one is deficient in these appendages of 
the human countenance. The care, the dressing and 
the preservation of them, therefore, are matters of no 
inconsiderable importance to every well-bred person. 
The peasant girls of Normandy are said to possess the 
most beautiful hair to be found among the women 
of any nation. It is sad, and yet it illustrates how 
eagerly their less fortunate sisters seek the beauty 
given to the female face by beautiful hair, when we 
think that once every year these maidens go to the 
hair merchants of Paris, who visit their country, as 
sheep to the shearers, and for a few francs permit 
themselves to be divested of an aureole of glory that 
would be an untold prize could it but be transferred 
to the crown of a more wealthy but less fortunate 
devotee of fashion. 

It is not necessary for us to call attention to all the 
nostrums and dyes which are prepared and used for 
retaining and preserving the hair. Many valuable and 
useful suggestions to all well-bred persons and those 
who prize this Gfod-given ornament will be found 
among "Toilet Recipes." 



CHAPTER XXV. 




DRESS. 

EXQUISITE taste and good com- 
mon sense are the essential ele- 
ments of dress. Elegant dressing 
is not found in expense ; money 
without judgment may load, but 
never can adorn. A lady 
\ may be covered with jewels, 
and yet not show the 
^y^y slightest 

jpEgg good taste. 
P^?*^^.;,. One has 
rightly said : "The result of the finest toilet should be 
an elegant woman, not an elegantly dressed woman." 



CONSISTENCY IN I) BESS. 

The only just principles of dressing are, simplicity, 
adaptation to your figure, your rank and your cir 
cumstances. 

Consistency in regard to station and fortune is the 
first matter to be considered. A woman of good sense 
will not wish to expend in unnecessary extravagances, 
money wrung from an anxious, laborious husband ; or 
if her husband be a man of fortune, she will not, even 
then, encroach upon her allowance. In the early years 



17 



(257) 



258 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

of married life, when the income is moderate, it should 
be the pride of a woman to see how little she can spend 
upon her dress, and yet present that tasteful and 
creditable appearance which is desirable. Much de- 
pends upon management, and upon the care taken of 
garments. She should turn everything to account, and 
be careful of her clothing when wearing it. 

EXTRAVAGANCE IN DRESS. 

Dress, to be in perfect taste, need not be costly. It 
is unfortunate that in the United States, too much 
attention is paid to dress by those who have neither the 
excuse of ample means, nor of social culture. The 
wife of a poorly paid clerk, or of a young man just 
starting in business, aims at dressing as stylishly as 
does the wealthiest among her acquaintances. The 
sewing girl, the shop girl, the chambermaid, and even 
the cook, must have their elegantly trimmed silk 
dresses and velvet cloaks for Sunday and holiday 
wear, and the injury done by this state of things to the 
morals and manners of the poorer classes is incalcu- 
lable. 

INDIFFERENCE TO DRESS. 

Indifference to dress is a sign of indolence and slov- 
enliness. Even if a lady' s dress is of cheap material 
it must be neat. Poverty is no excuse for unclean- 
liness. 

It is the duty of every lady to dress as well and as 
becomingly as her means will allow. 

APPROPRIATE DRESS. 

The style of a lady' s dress must assume a character 
corresponding with the wearer. Small ladies may 



DRESS. 259 

i 

wear delicate colors, while large and robust persons 
appear best in dark shades. A lady's complexion 
determines the colors that are most becoming for her. 
Dark rich shades harmonize with brunette complexion 
and dark hair, and persons of fair complexion and 
light hair look best in the delicate tints. 

GLOVES. 

Ladies and gentlemen wear gloves on the street, at 
evening parties, to the opera, or theatre, at receptions, 
at balls, at church, when making a call, riding or 
driving ; but not at a dinner. 

White gloves should be worn at balls ; delicate tints 
for evening parties, and any shade at church. 

EVENING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN. 

For evening a gentleman should wear a black dress 
suit, with white cravat, and kid gloves of white or pale 
hue. His shirt front should be spotless. He should 
give especial attention to his hair, and see to it that 
it is a becoming length and neither too long nor too 
short. Dress for a large dinner party, opera or ball 
may be the same. Morning dress is worn for church, 
and on Sunday no gentleman should appear in even- 
ing dress, either at church, at home or abroad. 

MORNING DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN. 

The morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock 
coat, or a black cut-away, white or black vest, gray 
or colored pants, a high silk (stove-pipe) hat, and a 
black necktie. A black frock coat with black pants 
is not considered a good combination, nor is a dress 
coat and colored or light pants. The morning dress 




(260) 



DEESS. 261 

is suitable for garden calls and receptions. It is not 
good taste for a gentleman to wear a dress coat, and 
white tie in day time. 

JEWELRY FOB GENTLEMEN. 

No well-bred gentleman will load himself with jew- 
elry. He may wear one ring, a watch chain, studs 
and cuff buttons. 

EVENING DRESS FOR LADIES. 

A lady' s evening dress may be as rich, elegant and 
attractive as she wishes to have it. Full evening dress 
should be worn to parties and balls, and it may be 
worn to large dinners. A dress should not be cut so 
low in the neck as to cause remarks. 

Fashions are too changeable to give directions as to 
how a party dress should be made. 

BALL DRESS. 

A fanciful and airy dress is most suitable for the 
ball-room. Rich and heavily trimmed silks are for 
those who do not dance. The brightest and most 
delicately tinted silks, expensive laces, an elaborate 
display of diamonds and flowers for the hair all belong 
to the costume for a ball. 

THE FULL DJNNER DRESS. 

A lady' s dinner dress for winter may be of heavy 
silk or elegant velvet, and for summer, light, rich 
goods. Everything about her costume should be as 
complete and faultless as possible. The fan and 
gloves should be fresh. Diamonds are used as ex- 
travagantly as you wish. The flowers worn should be 



262 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

of the choicest variety. Black, dark blue, purple, 
dark green, garnet and light tints may be worn at 
dinner parties. 

DRESS OF A HOSTESS AT A DINNER PARTY. 

The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be 
rich, but not more elegant than her guests. A rich 
silk dress, with lace at the neck and wrists, with plain 
jewelry by daylight, but diamonds by gaslight, must 
be worn by a young hostess. 

SHOWY DRESS. 

Black predominates over all colors. The showy 
costumes once worn have given way to more sober 
colors. 

DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS 

If a lady has set apart a special day for receiving 
calls, she should have a silk dress for the occasion. 
The quality may depend on her position. Laces and 
jewelry may be worn with this dress. A lady who 
attends to her morning domestic affairs, may receive 
calls in her morning dress, which must^be neat, with 
white collar and cuffs. Upon receiving New Years 
calls, a lady should be dressed as elegantly as she 
can afford. If she darkens her parlors and lights the 
gas, she should be dressed in full evening dress. 

CARRIAGE DRESS. 

A dress for a drive through the streets of a city, 
along fashionable drives, or in parks, can not be too 
elegant. It may or may not have a trail. For a 
country drive the material should be of a dark color, 
as it is not so likely to be soiled. 



DRESS. 203 

VISITING COSTUMES. 

Costumes for visiting, funeral occasions, and in- 
formal calls should be of richer material than walk- 
ing suits. The bonnet may be rich or simple. For 
winter, the jacket, mantle, and shawl or cloak worn 
should be rich. Whatever is worn in summer should 
be comfortable and pleasant to look at. 

DRESS FOB MORNING CALIS. 

For morning calls one may wear a walking suit if 
they are walking, if not, a carriage dress should be 
worn. A silk dress should be worn with laces, light 
gloves and jewelry. Diamonds are more preferable 
for evening than daylight. A dark dress is most 
appropriate for morning calls. 

MORNING DRESS FOR STREET. 

A morning dress for the street should be neat and 
plain. It should be walking length. Gloves to suit 
the weather should be worn. Neat linen collars and 
cuffs are most suitable. The hat or bonnet should 
match the dress. For rainy weather a large water- 
proof with hood is more convenient than an um- 
brella. 

A morning dress for a visit or breakfast in public 
may be of plain woolen .goods, if it is winter. If 
it is summer, it may be white or figured wash goods. 
The hair should be neatly combed without ornaments. 

THE PROMENADE DRESS. 

The dress for the promenade should be in perfect 
harmony with itself. All the colors worn should har- 




( 264 ) 



DRESS. 265 

monize, if they are not strictly identical. The bonnet 
should not be of one color and parasol of another, 
the dress of a third and the gloves of a fourth. Nor 
should one article be new and another shabby. The 
collar and .cuffs should be of lace ; the kid gloves 
should be selected to harmonize with the color of the 
dress, a perfect fir. The jewelry worn should be brace- 
lets, cuff buttons, plain gold earrings, a watch, chain 
and brooch. 

OPERA DRESS. 

Opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for 
morning calls. A bonnet is always worn unless she 
dresses in evening costume, then she may wear orna- 
ments in the hair and leave off the bonnet. Since the 
effect of light colors is more brilliant in the opera 
house, they should be worn. 

THE RIDIXG DRESS. 

A lady's riding habit should fit perfectly. The 
skirt must be full, and long enough to cover her feet. 
She should wear stout shoes and gloves with gaunt- 
lets. The material for the riding dress may be of 
broadcloth or waterproof. Lighter goods may be used 
for summer, and a row of shot should be stitched at 
the bottom of the breadths of the left side to prevent 
the skirt from being blown by the wind. The riding 
dress should button nearly to the throat, and a linen 
collar with a bright necktie should be worn. Coat 
sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs be- 
neath them. No lace or embroidery should be worn 
when riding. The waist must be attached to a skirt 
of usual length, and the long riding skirt fastened 
over it, so that if an accident occurs obliging her to 



266 AMERICAN" ETIQUETTE. 

dismount, she can remove the long skirt and still be 
properly dressed. The hair should be tucked up very 
compactly, and no veil must be allowed to stream 
in the wind. Fashion will determine the shape of 
the hat, and the trimming should be fastened very 
securely. 

A WALKING SUIT. 

A walking suit may be rich or plain. It should be 
neatly made and not shabby. Flashy colors may 
be used for trimmings. Black is the most becoming 
for a street dress. The walking dress must be short 
enough to clear the ground. 

DRESS FOR LADIES OF BUSINESS 

Ladies who are employed as sales-women, teachers, 
or those occupied in literature, art or business of any 
kind should wear a dress different from the usual 
walking suit. The material should be serviceable and 
of a sober color. It should be plainly trimmed. 
Plain collar and cuffs should be worn ; gloves that can 
be easily removed. Jewelry may be worn in a small 
quantity. The hat should be neat. Waterproof 
makes a good serviceable cloak for winter wear. 

ORDINARY EVENING DRESS. 

Silk is the most becoming for an evening dress. 
Woolen dresses may be worn in winter ; and lawns or 
white dresses elegantly made, in summer. Much jew- 
elry may be worn if desired. For winter the colors 
should be rich, and knots of bright ribbon should be 
worn at the throat and in the hair. Diamonds and 
artificial flowers are not in good taste. One may 



DEESS. 267 

make a casual call in an ordinary evening dress. A 
dress bonnet or hood may be worn. If the latter is 
worn it must be removed during the call. 

DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY. 

Choose your colors, material and trimmings to suit 
your taste. The neck and arms must be covered. 
Light gloves may or may not be worn. 

DRESS FOR CHURCH. 

A church dress should be the plainest promenade 
costume ; of dark color and no superfluous jewelry. 

DRESS FOR THE THEATRE. 

A rich promenade dress with a handsome cloak or 
shawl is suitable for the theatre. A bonnet or hat 
may be worn. Gloves should harmonize with the 
dress. 

'dress for lecture and cox cert. 

A silk dress with laces and jewelry is a suitable 
costume for a lecture or concert. A rich shawl or an 
opera cloak is an appropriate outer garment. Light 
kid gloves should be worn. 



o J 



CROQUET, ARCHERY AXD SKATING COSTUMES. 

Croquet and archery costumes may be similar, and 
they admit of more brilliancy in coloring than any of 
the out-of-door costumes. They should be short, dis- 
playing a handsomelj 7 fitting but stout boot, and should 
be so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free. 
The gloves should be soft and washable. Kid is not 
suitable for either occasion. The hat should have a 
broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun, and 







(268) 



DKESS. 269 

render a parasol unnecessary. The trimming for 
archery costumes is usually of green. 

An elegant skating costume may be made of velvet, 
trimmed with fur, with fur bordered gloves and boots. 
Any of the warm, bright colored wool fabrics, how- 
ever, are suitable for the dress. If blue or green are 
worn, they should be relieved with trimmings of dark 
furs. Silk is not suitable for skating costume. To 
avoid suffering from cold feet, the boot should be 
amply loose. 

BATHING COSTUME. 

The best material for a bathing costume is flannel, 
and the most suitable color is gray, and may be 
trimmed with bright worsted braid. The loose sacque, 
or the yoke waist, both to be belted in, and falling 
about midway between the knee and ankle, is the 
best form for a bathing costume. An oil-skin cap to 
protect the hair from the water, and merino socks to 
match the dress, complete the costume. 

TRAVELING DRESS. 

Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the 
requirements of a traveling dress. For an extensive 
journey a traveling suit is a great convenience, but for 
a short trip an ordinary dress may be worn with a 
duster or a waterproof cloak, as the season demands. 
A variety of materials may be used for a traveling 
dress. Soft neutral tints, and smooth surface, which 
does not retain the dust, may be used. The dress 
should be made plain and quite short. The under- 
skirts should be colored, woolen in winter and linen 
in summer. The hat or bonnet must ' be plainly 
trimmed and protected by a thick veil. Collar and 



270 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

cuffs should be worn. The hair should be put up in 
the plainest manner. A waterproof and warm woolen 
shawl are necessary, and may be carried in a shawl- 
strap when not needed. A satchel should be carried, 
in which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, 
gloves, handkerchiefs, toilet articles and towels. A 
traveling dress should be well supplied with pockets. 
The waterproof should have large pockets, and there 
should be one in the underskirt, in which to carry 
such money and valuables as are not needed for imme- 
diate use. 

THE WEDDING DRESS. 

A full bridal costume should be white from head to 
foot. The dress may be of silk, heavily corded satin, 
or plain silk, merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or maslin. 
The veil may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it must 
be long and full. It may or may not cover the face. 
Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden 
blush roses should form the bridal wreaths and bou- 
quets. The dress is high, and the arms covered. 
Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete 
the dress. 

DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS 

The bridesmaids should not be so elaborately 
dressed as the bride. Their dresses must be of white, 
but they may wear delicately colored flowers and rib- 
bons. They may not wear veils, but if they do, they 
must be shorter than that of the bride. 

TRAVELING DRESS OF A BRIDE. 

Silk or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses 
are suitable for a bride's traveling divss. The shade 
may depend upon the latest style. Bonnet and gloves 



DRESS. 271 

should match the dress in color. It may, if she 
wishes, be more elaborate] y trimmed than an ordinary 
traveling dress. It is very customary now for the 
bride to be married in a traveling costume, and the 
bridal pair at once set out upon their journey. 

DRESS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS. . 

Full evening dress should be worn by the guest-s at 
evening receptions. No one should attend in black or 
mourning dress, which should give place to grey or 
lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded 
couple, guests should wear the richest street costume 
with white gloves. 

MOURNING. 

In the United States no prescribed periods for wear- 
ing mourning garments have been fixed upon. When 
the grief is profound no rules are needed. But where 
persons wear mourning for style and not for feeling, 
there is need of fixed rules. For deep mourning one 
should wear the heaviest black of serge, bombazine, 
lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily 
clinging material, with crape collar and cuffs. Mourn- 
ing dresses should not be trimmed. No ruffles, bows, 
or flounces are admissible. The bonnet is of black 
crape ; a hat should never be worn. The veil is of 
crape or barege with heavy border ; black gloves are 
worn and black bordered handkerchiefs should be 
used. Black furs may be worn in winter. Jewelry 
is forbidden ; jet pins and buckles should be used. 
Black silk and alpaca trimmed with crape may be 
worn for second mourning with white collars and cuffs. 
The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet 
jewelry is still retained. A less degree of mourning 



272 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



is worn of black and white, purple and gray, or a 
combination of these colqrs. Crape is retained in 
bonnet trimming and crape flowers may be added. 
Light gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac 
indicate a slight mourning. A black lace bonnet, with 
white or violet flowers, supersedes crape, and, jet or 
gold jewelry is worn. 




PERIODS OF WEARING MOURNING. 

The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for 
her husband. It is worn two years, sometimes longer. 
Widow's mourning for the first year consists of solid 
black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded un- 
trimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, 



DRESS. 273 

thick, black crape veil. The second year, silk trimmed 
with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter 
veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray, 
violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear 
her hair perfectly plain, and should always wear a 
bonnet ; never a hat. 

The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one 
year. The first six months the proper dress is of solid 
black woolen goods trimmed with crape, black crape 
bonnet with black crape facings and black strings, 
black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. 
Three months, black silk with crape trimming, white 
or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of tulle and white 
bonnet facings ; and the last three months in gray, 
purple and violet. Mourning worn for a child is the 
same as that worn for a parent. 

Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months. 
Three months black woolen goods, white collar and 
cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of crape trimmed 
with black silk or ribbon ; six weeks in black silk 
trimmed with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle 
veil ; and six weeks in gray, purple, white and violet. 

Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an in- 
heritance, is the same as that worn for a grandparent. 

Mourning for a brother or sister is worn for six 
months, 'two months in solid black trimmed with 
crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of black 
with white facing and black strings ; two months in 
black silk, with white lace collar and cuffs ; and two 
months in gray, purple, white and violet. 

Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three 
months, and is the second mourning named above, 
tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings being worn 

18 



274 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for 
the same length of time. 

The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves ; they 
should be of cloth, silk or thread ; and no jewelry is 
permitted during the first month of close mourning. 
Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits — in fact, trim- 
ming of any kind — is forbidden in deep mourning, but 
worn when it is lightened. 

Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine 
linen, with a border of black, very wide for close 
mourning, narrower as the black is lightened. 

Mourning silks should be perfectly lustreless, and 
the ribbons worn without any gloss. 

Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always 
wear a black dress, even if they are not in mourning ; 
and it is bad taste to appear with a gay bonnet or 
shawl, as if for a festive occasion. 

The mourning for children under twelve years of 
age is white in summer and gray in winter, with black 
trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and bonnet ribbons. 




CHAPTER XXVI. 



PRESENTS. 



UE presents spring from one of 
two sources. Either they are 
the manifestation of a pure, 
unselfish affection, or they 
are given with the expecta- 
tion of receiving something 
in return. In the latter case 
they partake of the nature 
of bribes, and are a violation, 
not only of the rules of pro- 
priety, but even of the principles 
of morality. A true present must be a token of affec- 
tion already existing, not a means of winning favor. 




COSTLY PEE SE NTS. 

Rich and costly presents should rarely if ever be 
made. A present ought to be valuable from what it 
signifies, rather than on account of what it really is. 
A wealthy father may, of course, make a costly gift 
to a son or daughter ; but in most cases where there is 
not some close relationship, the propriety of such a 
gift would be extremely questionable. 

310 ST SUITABLE PEE SE NTS. 

Says Emerson: "Our tokens of love are for the 
most part barbarous, cold, and lifeless, because they 

(275) 







(276) 



PRESENTS. 277 

do not represent our life. The only gift is a portion 
of thyself. Therefore, let the farmer give his corn ; 
the miner, his gem ; the sailor, his corals and shells ; 
the painter, his picture, and the poet, his poem." 

In other words, it is always best to give something 
of your own production or discovery. If the recipient 
have any love for you, the value of the gift will be 
enhanced many fold by being the offspring of your 
effort and skill. But if he have no true . affection for 
the giver, nothing can be valuable as a gift. 

A person sometimes comes into possession of a thing 
which is of no special value to himself, but which to 
another, on account of his calling, studies, or tastes, 
may be very desirable. Under such circumstance it is 
always proper to make a present of the thing in ques- 
tion, even to a stranger. 

GIFTS TO LADIES. 

As a rule a young unmarried lady should not receive 
a present, above all a costly present, from a gentleman ; 
unless he be a relative, or is engaged to her. A costly 
gift from a gentleman to a young lady would be 
indelicate, as having the appearance of a bribe upon 
her affections. A married lady may receive a gift 
from a gentleman who is under obligations to her for 
hospitality. 

GIFTS BY LADIES. 

Gifts by ladies should be of a delicate nature, 
usually some dainty product of their own taste and 
skill. If a married lady makes a present to a gentle- 
man she should give it in the name of both herself and 
her husband. 



278 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



A GENTLEMAN'S PRESENT TO HIS BETROTHED. 

Even to the lady to whom he is engaged a gentle- 
man should not, as a rule, make very costly gifts. 
Neither is it the best of taste to present her ornaments 
for her person. 

GIFTS BEYOND ONE'S MEANS. 

Avoid giving a present that may seem inconsistent 
with your means. The recipient will be apt to think, 
even if his good taste prevents him from saying so, 
that you should have kept the gift, or its cost, for 
yourself. 

RECEIVING A GIFT. 

Always accept with expressions of gratitude any 
present offered you in the spirit of kindness, unless 
the circumstances are such that you can not with pro- 
priety take the gift. Never say to one who makes 
you a present, "I fear you rob yourself," nor any- 
thing to imply that the gift is beyond his means. 

REFERRING TO GIFTS. 

After a present has once been received and acknowl- 
edged, it is in bad taste for either party to refer to it 
again. 

If you have made a present and the recipient praises 
it, do not be given to depreciate its value ; but say 
that you are glad to know that it has given pleasure, 
or something to that effect. 



CHAPTER. XXVII. 




BUSINESS. 



an American, business is the 
quintessence of energy, the well- 
spring of ambition, and the 
_ highway to wealth, honor and 
• fame. On it are based the 
push and the drive which 
are daily adding millions to 
the treasures of this nation, 
as well as giving us reputa- 
tion and integrity among the 
peoples of the world. The 
following will be found to 
give many valuable sugges- 
tions as to the most efficient 
way of obtaining for one's self 
a good knowledge of the laws 
and customs of well-regulated 
business. 



GENERAL RULES FOR BUSINESS. 

Form good habits and be polite to all ; for politeness 
is the key to success. Be cheerful and avoid breaking 
an engagement. If you have to fail in carrying out an 
engagement you should make the fact known, stating 

(279) 



280 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



your reasons. Do not deceive a customer. It will ruin 
your business. "Honesty is the best policy." 

Never loose your temper in discussing business mat- 
ters. Meet notes and drafts promptly. To neglect 
this is to ruin your reputation. If you can not pay, 
write at once to your creditor, stating plainly the 
reason why you can not pay him, and say when you 
will be able. 




Pay bills when presented. Never allow a creditor 
to call a second time to collect a bill. Your credit 
will be injured if you do. When you collect a bill of 
a man thank him. 

Never look over another man's books or papers if 
you should chance to see them open. 

When writing a letter asking for information, always 
enclose an envelope, addressed and stamped, for an 
answer. 



BUSINESS. 



281 



Reply to all letters immediately. When yon call 
npon a man during business hours, transact your bnsi 
ness rapidly and make your call as short as is consist 
ent with the matter in hand. As a rule, men have but 
little time to visit during business hours. 

When in company, where two or more men are talk- 
ing over matters of business, do not listen to a conver- 
sation that is not intended for you to hear. 

When you pay out a large sum of money, insist 
that the person to whom it is paid shall count it in 
your presence ; and on the other hand, never receive a 
sum of money without counting it in the presence of 
the party who pays it to you. 

Employers, having occasion to reprove any of their 
clerks or employes, will find that by speaking kindly 
they will accomplish the desired object much better 
than by harsher means. 




CHAPTER XXVIII. 



HARMONY OF COLORS IN DRESS. 



'ARMONY of colors is a most 
essential element in a lady's 
wardrobe. No matter how 
rich and elegant the material 
is, if the colors do not har- 
monize the effect is spoiled. 
Some colors should never be 
worn together, because they 
create a positive discord. 
A small lady should never 
wear a dress with large figures, plaids or stripes, nor 
is it in taste for a large lady to do so. These styles 
are most suited to ladies of medium size. 

Rich and elegant materials suit a large figure. 
Slender ladies may wear much drapery, but those 
who are short and stout must wear but little. 

Tall, slim ladies should never wear stripes ; and 
short, fleshy persons should avoid flounces, or any 
horizontal trimming of the dress which causes them 
to look shorter. 

A lady of fair complexion should wear delicate 
tints, while brunettes should wear dark rich shades. 

(283) 





(284) 



HARMONY OF COLORS IN DRESS. 285 

Blue is most suitable for yellow or auburn hair. 
Scarlet, orange or white make good effect when worn 
on black hair. 

The following list shows what colors harmonize : 

COLORS THAT HARMONIZE. 

Black and pink. 

Black and lilac. 

Black and scarlet. 

Black and maize. 

Black and slate color. 

Black and orange; a rich harmony. 

Black and white; a perfect harmony. 

Black and brown; a dull harmony. » 

Black and drab or buff. 

Black, white or yellow and crimson. 

Black, orange, blue and scarlet. 

Black and chocolate brown. 

Black and shaded cardinal. 

Black and cardinal. 

Black, yellow, bronze and light blue. 

Black, cardinal, blue and old gold. 

Blue and brown. 

Blue and black. 

Blue and gold; a rich harmony. 

Blue and orange ; a perfect harmony. 

Blue and chestnut. 

Blue and maize. 

Blue and straw color. 

Blue and white. 

Blue and fawn color; weak harmony. 

Blue and stone color. 

Blue and drab. 



286 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Blue and lilac ; weak harmony. 

Blue and crimson ; imperfectly. 

Blue and pink; poor harmony. 

Blue and salmon color. 

Blue, scarlet and purple (or lilac). 

Blue, orange and black. 

Blue, orange and green. 

Blue, brown, crimson and gold (or yellow). 

Blue, orange, black and white. 

Blue, pink and bronze green. 

Blue, cardinal and old gold. 

Blue, yellow, chocolate-brown and gold. 

Blue, mulberry and yellow. 

Bronze and old gold. 

Bronze, pink anft light blue. 

Bronze, black, blue, pink and gold. 

Bronze, cardinal and peacock blue. 

Brown, blue, green, cardinal and yellow. 

Brown, yellow, cardinal and peacock blue. 

Crimson and gold; rich harmony. 

Crimson and orange; rich harm'ony. 

Crimson and brown; dull harmony. 

Crimson and black ; dull harmony. 

Crimson and drab. 

Crimson and maize. 

Crimson and purple. 

Cardinal and old gold. 

Cardinal, brown and black. 

Cardinal and navy blue. 

Chocolate, blue, pink and gold. 

Claret and old gold. 

Dark green, white and cardinal. 

Ecrue, bronze and peacock. 

Ecrue and liiht blue. 



HARMONY OF COLORS IN DRESS. 287 

Garnet, bronze and pink. 

Gen d'arme and cardinal. 

Gen d'arme and bronze. 

Gen, d'arme and myrtle. 

Gen d'arme and old gold. 

Gen d'arme, yellow and cardinal. 

Gen d'arme, pink, cardinal and lavender. 

Green and gold, or gold color. 

Green and scarlet. 

Green and orange. 

Green and yellow. 

Green, crimson, blue and gold, or yellow. 

Green, blue and scarlet. 

Green, gold and mulberry. 

Green and cardinal. 

Lilac and white ; poor. 

Lilac and gray; poor. 

Lilac and maize. 

Lilac and cherry. 

Lilac and gold, or gold color. 

Lilac and scarlet. 

Lilac and crimson. 

Lilac, scarlet, and white or black. 

Lilac, gold color and crimson. 

Lilac, yellow or gold, scarlet and white. 

Light pink and garnet. 

Light drab, pine, yellow and white. 

Mvrtle and old gold. 

Myrtle and bronze. 

Myrtle, red, blue and yellow. 

Myrtle, mulberry, cardinal, gold and light green. 

Mulberry and old gold. 

Mulberry and gold. 

Mulberry and bronze-. 



288 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Mulberry, bronze and gold. 

Mulberry and pearl. 

Mode, pearl and mulberry. 

Maroon, yellow, silvery gray and light green. 

Navy blue, light blue and gold. 

Navy blue, gen d'arme and pearl. 

Navy blue, maize, cardinal and yellow. 

Orange and bronze ; agreeable. 

Orange and chestnut. 

Orange, lilac and crimson. 

Orange, red and green. 

Orange, purple and scarlet. 

Orange, blue, scarlet and claret. 

Orange, blue, scarlet, white and green. 

Orange, blue and crimson. 

Pearl, light blue and peacock blue. 

Peacock blue and light gold. 

Peacock blue and old gold. 

Peacock blue and cardinal. 

Peacock blue, pearl, gold and cardinal. 

Purple and maize. 

Purple and blue. 

Purple and gold, or gold color; rich. 

Purple and orange, rich. 

Purple and black, heavy. 

Purple and white, cold. 

Purple, scarlet and gold color. 

Purple, scarlet and white. 

Purple, scarlet, blue and orange. 

Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and black. 

Red and white, or gray. 

Red and gold, or gold color. 

Red, orange and green. 

Red, yellow or gold color and black. 



HAEMONY OF COLORS IN DRESS. 289 

"Red, gold color, black and white. 
Seal brown, gold and cardinal. 
Sapphire and bronze. 
Sapphire and old gold. 
Sapphire and cardinal. 
Sapphire and light blue. 
Sapphire and light pink. 
Sapphire and corn. 
Sapphire and garnet. 
Sapphire and mulberry. 
Shaded blue and black. 
Scarlet and blue. 
Scarlet and slate color. 
Scarlet and orange. 
Scarlet, blue and white. 
Scarlet, blue and yellow. 
Scarlet, black and white. 
Scarlet, blue, black and yellow. 
Shaded blue, shaded garnet and shaded gold. 
Shaded blue and black. 
White and cherry. 
White and crimson. 
White and brown. 
White and pink. 
White and scarlet. 
White and gold color; poor. 
Yellow and black. 
Yellow and brown. 
Yellow and red. 

Yellow and chestnut or chocolate. 
Yellow and white ; poor. 
Yellow and purple; agreeable. 
Yellow and violet. 
Yellow and lilac; weak. 
19 



290 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



Yellow and blue; cold. 
Yellow and crimson. 
Yellow, purple and crimson. 
Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue. 
Yellow, pink, maroon and light blue. 




CHAPTER XXIX. 



LETTER WRITING. 

^^ETTEH writing, practically 
); considered, is the most im- 
portant of all kinds of 
composition. It is indis- 
pensable in business, for 
much of business must be 
done by correspondence. 
A person who is able to 
write well is more likely 
to be called to a desira- 
ble situation than he 
who is deficient in the 
art. By letter writing, 
much can be done to 
maintain and strengthen 
our social ties. In receiv- 
ing letters from absent friends, 
ty there is a pleasure that no one 
would wish to forego. The cul- 
ture of a person is plainly indicated 
by his letters; "and it is as great a 
violation of propriety to send an awk- 
ward and badly written letter, as it is to appear in the 
company of refined people, with swaggering gait, 

(201) 




292 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 

soiled linen, and unkempt hair." Letter writing is a 
practical exercise in English, composition, and can be 
practiced by persons of any age or position. Many 
distinguished writers of other kinds of composition, 
have acquired much of their power of expression by 
their practice of writing letters. The advantages of 
the art are so obvious that arguments in its favor are 
not a necessity. 

PAPER. 

Most of the letters written now-a-days are on note 
paper. That called " commercial note" is generally 
used by gentlemen ; smaller sizes are preferred by 
ladies. A private letter should never be written on 
foolscap paper. If its use be necessary, an apology 
should be made for it. A social letter ought to be 
written on a whole sheet of paper ; and except on 
business, a half-sheet letter should never be sent. For 
any kind of letter no color is more tasteful than 
white, and gentlemen should use it exclusively. 
Paper delicately tinted and perfumed may be used by 
a lady ; but its use by a gentleman would be out of 
taste. Paper with a black border is called " mourning 
paper;" this, with envelopes to match, may be used 
by persons who mourn the loss of a relative. "The 
width of the border should correspond somewhat to 
the nearness of the relationship and the recentness of 
the bereavement." Ruled or plain paper may be used 
without violating good taste ; but unruled paper is 
preferable because it is more stylish, and furnishes 
opportunity for writing much or little on a page. 
The practice of putting lines under plain paper to aid 
in writing straight, is not to be commended, since it 



LETTER WRITING. 293 

consumes time and prevents the proper^discipline of 
the hand. 

ENVELOPES. 

THe envelope should be of the same color or tint as 
that of the paper, and should be a little longer than 
the width of the written page. In their correspond- 
ence with one another, gentlemen may use either 
white or buff envelopes ; "but it is not allowable to 
send a buff envelope to a lady, nor do ladies use 
that kind at all." It is necessary to avoid the use 
of inferior paper and envelopes ; fine paper seems to 
inspire fine thoughts. 

INK. 

Black ink is in better taste than fancy inks, and is 
more desirable and durable. A letter ought not to be 
written with red ink. From the fact that black ink 
does not fade, it is used exclusively for copying 
records in the War Department at Washington. 

HEADING. 

The heading is "a statement of the place where, 
and the time when, a letter was written." If the 
"place" is in a large city, the heading should give 
the number, the street, the city and the state. The 
name of the state may be omitted if the locality is in a 
very large city. It is regarded as absurd to write, 
''220 Nassau Street, New York City, N. Y." When 
a letter is written at a place outside of a city, the 
heading should embrace the name of the post-office 
and that of the state. The name of the county should 
be given in the heading of a business letter, and ought 
to be named in all letters, unless the writer is corre- 




(294) 



LETTER WRITING. ~~> 

sponding from a place whose locality is well known to 
the person addressed. The date consists of the 
month, the day of the month, and the year, as. 
"Nov. 12, 1882." When the day of the week is 
important, it is written at the beginning of the date : 
"Saturday, Nov. 12, 1882." The year is often omit- 
ted, when it is of less consideration than the day 
of the week. The heading may occupy from one to 
three lines, and "should begin on the first line, a 
little to the left of the middle." A short heading 
can be written on one line, and it may be laid down 
as a rule, that the heading should contain as few lines 
as possible consistent with neatness. The model 
headings that follow indicate the position that the 
beginning of each line should occupy, and also show 
the punctuation of the parts of the heading. Business 
letters are always dated at the top. Social letters and 
those written in the third person are often dated at 
the bottom without violating any rule of propriety. 
When this is done, "the place and date must be 
begun near the left edge of the paper, on the next 
line below that on which the signature is written." 

MODELS OF HEADING. 

MODEL 1. 
C?&t<n Oli/a^ offac/., dune J2J, /<?<?/. 

MODEL 2. 






296 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 



MODEL 3. 



MODEL 4. 
MODEL 5. 

Residence and date at the bottom. 

{Place of Signature.)- 



TEE INTRODUCTION. 

The introduction consists of the address and the 
salutation. The address comprises the title and name 
of the person written to, and his directions. In the 
following example : Mr. John J. Curtis, 23 High St., 
Boston ; Mr. John J. Curtis is the title and name, 
and 23 High St., Boston, the directions. This address 
is the same as that which is put upon envelopes, and 
is called the ' ' inside address ' ' to distinguish it from 
the superscription, which is called the "outside ad- 
dress." The name should be written so that it can be 
read easily, and politeness requires that some title 
should be added to it. As a rule, two titles can not 



LETTER WRITING. 297 

be joined to one name ; but to this there are two ex- 
ceptions. When addressing a clergyman whose sur- 
name alone is known to us, we may write Rev. Mr. 
Spears, the Mr. being regarded as a substitute for the 
Christian name; and if a married man has a profes- 
sional or literary title prefixed to his name, Mrs. may 
be used before it to denote his wife, as Mrs. Secretary 
Blaine. The directions must comprise the name of 
the post-office nearest the person addressed, and the 
state in which it is situated. The name of the county 
is necessary if the post-office is in a town not well 
known. If it be in a city, the number of the house, 
the street, the city, and the state should be given. 
The name of the state can be omitted if the post-office 
be in a large city. In business letters the address 
should be in full, and it ought to be found in every 
letter since the envelope is liable to be torn or lost, 
thus preventing the communication from reaching the 
person to whom it was written. The salutation is the 
term of politeness used to introduce a letter, as Dear 
Sir, My Dear Friend, My Honored Father. Busi- 
ness letters generally begin with Sir, Dear Sir, Sirs, 
or Gentlemen. Never use "Gfents." for Gentlemen, 
nor "Dr." for Dear. For a letter addressed to a 
married woman or a single woman not young, the 
proper salutation is Madam, Dear Madam, or My 
Dear Madam. In a business letter to a young unmar- 
ried lady, the address alone is generally used as 
introduction, that the repetition of Miss may be 
avoided. The kinds of salutation used depend upon 
the feelings of the writer and his relation to the person 
addressed. Extravagant salutations, such as Dar- 
lingest of Darlings should not be indulged in, since 



298 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

to sensible people the expressions sonnd flat and silly. 
Under the heading Models of Introduction, various 
forms of salutation can be seen. The place of the 
address in business letters and in those addressed to 
persons with whom we have but little acquaintance, 
is at the top of the page ; in letters to relatives or very 
intimate friends, the address should be written at the 
bottom. The address should be on the first line below 
the date, and should begin at the marginal line that 
is from one-fourth of an inch to one inch from the left 
edge of the sheet. It may occupy from one to three 
lines. The first line should contain only the name and 
title, the second should contain the directions, if the 
last word is an abbreviation or a short word ; but if 
the last item be a long word, it should be on the third 
line. The initial lefters on the lines containing the 
address should be in a line sloping downward to the 
right as may be seen in the models. When the ad- 
dress makes three lines, the position of the first letter 
of the salutation is under the initial letter of the items 
on the second line of the address (Model 1), or under 
that of the first (Model 2). The former arrangement 
is preferred. If the address makes two lines, the salu- 
tation should begin about one inch from the initial 
letter of the second line (Model 3), or else under the 
initial letter of the first line (Model 4). When the 
address is on one line, the salutation should begin about 
one inch to the right of the marginal line (Model 5). 
If there is no address at the top, the salutation begins 
at the marginal line (Model 6). The salutation in 
familiar letters is often incorporated in the first sen- 
tence of the letter. When this occurs, the letter 
begins almost one-sixth of the distance from the left 



LETTER WRITING. 299 

edge of the paper to the right edge (Model 7). Irregu- 
larity prevails in the punctuation of the introduction, 
lbut the following models give sufficient information on 
the subject for correct and polite letter writing : 



MODELS OF INTRODUCTIONS. 

MODEL 1— BUSINESS FORM. 
edddd. ^e/^MtZe.d'O.-z-t'C $■ JZ7eLi<(.'Cizf / 

MODEL 2 — BUSINESS FORM. 
edd.dd. < &£t-o-'U'i't</<z,e or ^«2 V 

e<zd ( *2><cdd / — C/<ce<ide. dedV'CZ -u^ dd-e-z.'t, e--t-c. 
MODEL 3 — BUSINESS FORM. 



edddd. S^add^ Cjflkeofta&p fr 






*'ewi<c-e-d4t<e'M,, — Ly <tt€i<u-e •t-fi-e 




( 3U0 ) 



/ 

LETTEK AVKITING. 301 

MODEL 4 -BUSINESS FORM (TO A LADY). 

^c/e^c^J^ of. Ufa. 

0.-U-4- -T-n.tZ'Vl.'MdCl't-Yl't, 

MODEL 5 — SOCIAL FORM. 



id. <££. (Q. <5@€i&Ce'u, / 



■e-ai <^/mci€Z<z.;;i 



Cszc-c-efe't -msy. 



d-cnce't-e 
MODEL 6 — SOCIAL FORM (DOMESTIC). 






MODEL 7 — SOCL\L FORM (FAMILIAR). 



4si-te.'j>t-C£ / €i4.i^-^e-c/ sL-a^tz-a.^ -e^-c. 



302 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



BODY OF THE LETTER. 



The body of the letter is that part of the communi- 
cation that is between the introduction and conclusion. 
It should begin under the end of the salutation ; but 
when the address is long, it may begin on the same 
line, a comma and a dash, or a colon and a dash, being 
placed between the last word of the salutation and the 
first word of the letter. (See Model 3 under Models 
of Introduction.) 

A blank margin that varies with the width of the 
paper should always be left on the left hand side of 
each page. The margin should be perfectly even, and 
should never be so wide or so narrow as to go beyond 
the limits of taste. On large letter-paper it should be 
about an inch ; on note-paper, about three-eighths of an 
inch. When the sheet is quite small, a quarter of an 
inch is sufficient. A letter should be divided into 
paragraphs according to the rules for other compo- 
sition. The first word of a paragraph should begin ' 
about one-sixth of the way across the line from left to 
right. 

The penmanship should be legible, neat, and elegant. 
Flourishes in a letter are out of place, skipping pages 
is not to be commended, crossing letters is not entirely 
respectful to the person addressed and blots and in- 
terlineations are not allowable. 

The closing lines of the body of the letter are usually 
some expression of respect or attachment ; as in the 
following examples : 

" Deign, madam, to receive the assurance of my 
respectful attachment." 

" Accept, madam, the homage of, my respect." 



LETTER WRITING. SQS 

"The sentiments with which you have inspired me, 
sir, are equally sincere and permanent." 

"My tender and respectful attachment will end only 
with my life." 

"I have the honor to be, sir, with sentiments of re- 
spect and consideration." 

The closing lines, such as the preceding, are found 
with the ordinary formula that constitutes the con- 
clusion. 

THE CONCLUSION. 

The conclusion consists of the complimentary close, 
and the signature ; it also contains the add? ess of the 
person written to, if the same is not found in the 
introduction. 

The complimentary close is the phrase of respect 
used at the end of a letter. It admits of a great variety 
of forms on social letters, such as your friend, ever 
yours, your affectionate father, etc. ; but in letters 
written on business, or to strangers and mere acquaint- 
ances, the usual form is yours truly, or yours re- 
spectfully, which admits of but slight variation, as 
yours very truly, or truly yours. Official letters have 
a more formal close than others, as : 

I have the honor to be, sir, with the highest con- 
sideration, 

Your obedient servant, 

A. B. 

The signature is the name of the writer, and it 
should be attached to every letter, the name being 
written plainly and in full. If the writer is a lady, 
she should sign her name so as to indicate her sex, 
and whether she is married or single, this can be done 



304 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

by prefixing Miss or Mrs. A married lady generally 
uses her husband's name, to which she prefixes the 
title Mrs. if he is living; otherwise, she should use 
her own name. 

The position for the complimentary close is on the 
line immediately below the body of the letter and may 
occupy from one to three lines. 

The signature is, written near the right-hand edge of 
the sheet, on the line below the complimentary close. 

The close and the signature must be arranged so 
that the initial letter of the lines will present a regular 
slope downward and to the right. 

If the address is not written at the top of the letter, 
it should be placed at the close, the beginning of the 
first word being located at the marginal line and on 
tlie line immediately below the signature. 

The proper punctuation of the complimentary close 
and the signature can be learned by consulting the 
Models which follow : 

MODELS OF CONCLUSION. 

MODEL 1. 
(%,-a*zt4d -ted.'. 



'.d.j^&&4jfa'&^ / 



lett-e Itzs-ci'iL-zd, 



MODEL 2. 






LETTER WRITING. 305 

MODEL 3 — WITH ADDKESS. 
(fy&'i'M. 4?4u,4sw, ^.-a-u4d f 

4. (Qu-tp-ew-e &d-a<rL-e4 / 

<z-c-a. 



MODEL 4 -WITH DATE. 



'.€144^ 



\-C-C-^.-C-eZ€l44 t 



MODEL 5. 



^,4-e-a^Ced^ 4-edfee-cC, 



a.44.-ed ^W . <£. <7(Q-a<m4-t.&fe, 



44, <y{b(-a4>z.-a-pu-a 



44-C4A€.4d-t4^U. -O-jL " y &^.4-^.-i.44't€t / 

^A-a44&&<t4A4>ClCe / @fyiBL. 



20 



306 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

FOLDING. 

Folding is a very simple matter, but it is often very 
awkwardly done. 

The paper should be folded so that the edges of the 
letter will be exactly even. The folds ought to be 
pressed with the thumb or a paper knife, so as to 
give them a neat appearance. Fine paper, of medium 
thickness, is most suitable for letters. The letter 
should be inserted in such a manner that, when taken 
out in the usual way and unfolded, it will be right 
end up. 

THE SUPERSCRIPTION. 

The superscription is the address written on the 
envelope, and consists of the name and title of the 
person to whom the letter is sent, and his full direc- 
tions. It is called the outside address, to distinguish 
it from the address at the head or foot of the letter. 
What is said concerning those three items in the 
remark on the " inside address," applies with equal 
fitness to the "outside address," and need not be 
mentioned here. 

The upper edge of the envelope is the open one. 
Have that edge from you when you write the super- 
scription, otherwise it will be upside down. The 
writing should be in straight lines, parallel with the 
upper edge of the envelope ; the foolish affectation of 
writing diagonally across the corner is to be avoided. 
It is out of taste to use envelopes that are ruled either 
by a pen or some sharp-pointed instrument for making 
indentations. If you can not write straight without 
lines, slip into the envelope a card ruled heavily, so 
that the lines will show through. This may be used 



LETTER WRITIJSTG. 307 

till straight lines can be written without the aid of 
ruled envelopes. The name should be a little below 
the middle of the envelope, the initial letter being 
near the left edge, "sometimes close to it, sometimes 
one or two inches from it, according to circumstances ; 
and the other parts should be written at equal dis- 
tances under it, each a little farther to the right, so 
that the last part shall come near the right-hand 
corner." 

To a person residing in the country, direct as fol- 
lows : 



■ad^l Z 

To a person in a city direct as follows : 

When addressing a letter in care of a person, the 
order is : 






308 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

The governor of a State is addressed in this way : 



>&€.-e'£-£-e'M,-c 



f-a'U-e't<ri<a4 <^? e-u-t 






A person with an official designation is addressed as 
follows : 



The superscription should be plainly written, and 
the punctuation studied from the Models. 



MODEL 1. 





. 


STAMP. 






CMi&'tkd (@4*i<m,-ci CMa-e, 




/3fa @fcJU«J&£, 


♦ 


<^^4<^>c&e<cfe,'£'t<i . 



LETTER WRITING. 

MODEL 2. 



309 

















STAMP. 






C^k^d,. i 


^'te-€Z>£.€l 


<§. H^t-ciAe, 


(Q't'a'Vi-a-e 


<$*. 




<$*/. 



MODEL 3. 














STAMP. 




J&o**e #^ O^fo*</, <§**,., 


^fjtz<i-iz,-a'a<£e-e / 


CsI/(Q ) iz4.'£-£<m, ^Q-a'UwC<u / 


C/'M.-cZ'CiZ'n-ez. 



THE STAMP. 

Before sending a letter, affix to it a proper stamp. 
The communication will not be forwarded unless it is 
prepaid one full rate. 

The stamp should be affixed to the upper right-hand 
corner of the face of the envelope, at about one-six- 
teenth of an inch from the top and one-eighth of an 
inch from the end. 

The stamp is a picture, and should be right end up, 



310 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

its edges being parallel with those of the envelope. 
" Putting the stamp on upside down or awry indicates 
carelessness rather than rapidity, and any appearance 
of carelessness in a letter is disrespectful to the person 
to whom it is sent." 

Be sure to put on an envelope as many stamps as 
are necessary to send the letter ; two stamps should 
be used if you are not certain that one is sufficient. 

COMPLETED MODELS. 

FORM OF SOCIAL LETTER. 






■e tt.'i.dt'iiz'id. ^/z.-a.-U't <z&d&4<zfe'Z€-a-n, -a 

■e'yi-d.'U'^ed wt-e -£<x ■cc^.d-C't-c^e- •£-£ -?r-z^£-2Vz ■wz&'te. d-e-enxt^ 

44-edd <t<n.iz.'Pi mwu, ■o.'n.'e -e/de.. C/^-e jk'ied-e4z-£ -td 



LETTER WRITING. 311 



FORM OF BUSINESS LETTER. 



-ed<Ce-cz ^wc'-^c d-ao^t 'U-e -c-a^yn^L^e^ec/. Ox -c-afisif -o^ 



i-cz-t.'l'C-o.'ZZ <cd ■i.e.a.t/'fj, -/&L d<z-£e. 



■cze-v.€L-£& <is,ai<<.'i -a-Zte'Pi'l't. 



.-tern -cm, da-me -o 






-cc-'Wti.'Picz. d-e^zd-a^i. 



d^i e c 'tfu^/^C^ 



.n<t4.<id d'ed/c&C'Ll.-U'-L 



Qz-ez-pvi-ed JZ?<i-t€£*xM, CJje'yi'Vi-e'L't. 



312 AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 



A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 

As a guide is to a man in an unknown land, so is a 
letter of introduction to a man in a strange commu- 
nity. A person going to a strange place ought to be 
prepared with such a valuable aid. A letter of this 
kind properly prepared must be brief, and must con- 
tain the full name and address of the person intro- 
duced, to which should be added an expression stating 
the pleasure that you think the new acquaintance will 
create. A letter of introduction may be sealed by the 
person introduced, but not by the writer. A gentle- 
man delivering to a lady a letter that introduces him 
is at liberty to call upon her. By sending her a card 
he can ascertain whether it is more convenient to 
receive him then or appoint another hour that is more 
convenient. 

Great caution must be exercised in giving a letter of 
introduction. The writer must be well acquainted 
with the one introduced and with the person to whom 
he writes. A well-bred gentleman or lady who is the 
recipient of such a letter will, in twenty-four hours, 
attend to the demands of the letter by inviting the 
person introduced to dine, or engage in some agreeable 
pastime or amusement. 

A letter of introduction is often left with a card ; in 
such a case a gentleman in the family may call upon 
the stranger the following day, or he may send a card 
with an invitation. Should the letter introduce a 
gentleman to a lady, she may answer by a note of 
invitation appointing a time for him to call. 



LETTER WRITING. 313 



MODEL LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. 



<£a 'U-o.'U tny, ■ed£eei4z-e<c/ /t-t.e.'ruZ; C/f(§<t.dd (@<£4.<L'Ci.= 



•.■u€isC-i4.4.'ed / ^u^t-a ^u-t^C6 dfee.*ri,-cz -a. few- <i<ue.-e4%.d 4.44, 



r 



i€i£4k.-c<a-£t<i'34 sCa v-n-e. 



■a Ok^^^ <^? ew^-aa, 



314 AMEKICAN ETIQUETTE. 

The envelope should be addressed as follows 



* 






/sY- / ZJ? ^jc^tc-a^n < ^%^-^ 




€^7 S^atvcd., 




d%*dd 




cJk«. 


(Z/i/lQ-a.'C'l-ce. J% '-a-t^z wnz<pz. 





FAMILY LETTERS. 

Letters written from one member of a family to 
another are less formal than any other kind of epis- 
tolary correspondence. They should exhibit some 
characteristics of the writer ; should contain informa- 
tion on minor matters as well as on subjects of more 
importance ; and should be written so as to give the 
greatest amount of satisfaction to the recipient. 

LETTERS OF FRIENDSHIP. 

Letters of friendship are more formal than family 
letters, contain less gossip, and embrace matters in 
which both the writer and recipient are interested. 
Such letters should be answered with sufficient 
promptness to keep alive the friendship between the 
correspondents, unless there be a desire for this to 

cool. 

THE BUSINESS LETTER. 

This should be embraced in a few words and should 
relate directly to the business in hand. If an apology 



LETTER WRITING. 315 

or explanation is necessary, let it be inserted after the 
business portion of the letter is finished. A business 
letter should be answered as soon as possible after its 
receipt. The response in some cases, may be on the 
same page with the original letter; but this kind of 
reply should not be made, save when the points in 
question are few and brief. 

MODELS FOR BRIEF BUSINESS LETTERS. 

A LETTER REQUESTING EMPLOYMENT. 






edd4d. JSmew-^ CT &J-io.'£n&t, 



J-e-a 



-& ty-a-ist. <z^ .-2*2 •n-e-e-cz ■&*: 'm-ad-e ■cidd^-d'Ctzd^c-e tvi 
^<x-ud ed^&'UjZtdA'Wi-e'n.'t, Cy ■Vse<n<£'t4.d-e ^Ca -ezd-rL <u,-o.i<c 
fa.-i &'ynfe<£<i'ij,'*n,-e<3<t'£. Cs -c^m de/e.4. ■y.-a-u <tn 



i-ed J^ < &4Mt'L*i. / , -vn<i£ ■/tZ'Ce -e<3M,focin<M,- 



■edd^ -ad d^<x 4wy, ^u€t^pt-c-ci'Cc<i'yid / d-ri-a-'UdZcc 
<Z£.oc<cc<e d^o- e-o-d^d-t-cced dwit ^,yifid-ic-<id^c-add.. 



^C-attdd dU.-ud^ 

<x-i<u<cze.dd. 



316 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OP A SERVANT. 



^Zja.u4.€i JjQ-e'Pid-a'Vi. ^sz-^^^-^ -<zw,fe<6t.&CL 
^C-a -3<34<e jjZo-'t s£-&e. fe-adz-fa.&'W -ai? ■c<a-a-& / 'tefe-td 'tvi-e -iCa 






4d. 



LETTEK WRITING. 317 









.ia.'iL& ■p-u-z/C ■ax'Pi-f.i.^Ze'^i-c-e -fyi ■ft-ei. <n.€i^i€-d^-^.. 



-e-e^c st-fi-ez 



d^^Ccd-f^z-c-t-i.-a'Pt. Cy ■a<j<n / 'm-tz-€Z4Z.4n. / 

awl 'i^e'i'M. ■c-^u-e-ct^e'Pt^ d&'i<ti4Z'>z<£ / 



318 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECEIPTS. 



PROMISSORY NOTE WITHOUT INTEREST. 



<^V444&'C'M> 'Cc-a.-ud ■a.^Ce't -cc-ez^e^ Q/ ^L-t-a^yi-uL'e 'Co. m.-ci'U, 
1<a<t'Ci.'J4 Cy-ci'CCe'id-o^ -04. -o^-cce^ ■&,<£ 'twi^. -oi^tc-e -cm, 
y&'Lti.'WZ'Uttdj pztL-e 'fo'it'm&'i-e'Cc ■c^a'C^a.4.d / 'ti<i'Ctt& 'te-c&'Z^-e.-cz. 



PROMISSORY NOTE WITH INTEREST, BUT NOT NEGOTIABLE. 

Cir-a't it-ci'Cu.-e 'i'e-ce.'C'U'e-cc / Cs m,4.<L<wi4d-e <C-a fe-a.'if. 

Jx-etwi-ed Cszccmmd 'Cut-a /i-wn-ct'i-e-cz -ccpi-cl dt-&'Cy,='Cw-o. 

do-uCei'id ■ci'M.-cl d-ett.e-'Pi'C'y. •C'&tisCd / -014 CZ/^'U-^-ud'C JcU; MeasL, 

id^'i.'lA. -z.'M.'t-e'i&d't ■&.'£ d-eit-e-ii, fe-ed ■ce.'n.'C. <t^Ced jx&.'tt-tt-cid'M. 






LETTEK WKITING. 319 

NEGOTIABLE NOTE PAYABLE TO BEARER. 

Cy "W^-z-z-^W -cc-d^d -ciyi-t-ed ■cz-&'£e / ^ad tnz.'Cu.e- d-eoe-cu-e-ci; 
<£eded'£ /^-a-m </-ez-£e. 



d<i^n-cd-e 't-c -ynz.su. J^€i^d^e dy-ad-c/. -ad d£<e€tde.d, -ez^t 



i-oswt-ad C^-c^t-ed. 



FORM OF A RECEIPT. 
cfy-e^.-e-tsU'e-cc fd-a-m. <?{Qs.4.<i.wt ^(Qtd^ dy&tA'C'te <z-ad^C<idd 

FORM OF A BILL. 
^tJs-a-wyi-tz,, £g/d. 



Cs-UA&'Uue- it-c-dZwvyied c/^-cd-^-ad^ -af (Qdd-^d^a.4d</ / •«-£ 
\^^ feed <vsad%<.'*ne. / p,£J2 #(!s y . 



320 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

DRAFT OR ORDER "WITHOUT GRACE." 
0J/£ S&ut, <f*t€/., Ofkay. W, /<?<?/. 



FORM. OF A DRAFT, TIME FROM SIGHT. 



a-itx-e^ QstQ<w,-a-td £r yg-a., -t-ut-a ■^-n-a-u-d-ez-n.-cz- -cz-as£<c-tt<td / 



'<2 V -Z-isuo. ■£ri-a'Ud<z.4 / i€& -z^z-^^z 



LETTER WRITING. 321 



LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION AND CONDOLENCE. 

They should be brief, and confined to the matter 
for which you offer your congratulations or condo- 
lence. A letter of congratulation may be written to 
any acquaintance whom you wish to inform of the 
pleasure you derive from his success ; while a letter of 
condolence should be sent only to intimate friends or 
relatives, and should express real feeling for those in 
bereavement. 

THE LOVE LETTER. 

A love letter should be dignified in tone and expres- 
sive of esteem and affection. It should be free from 
silly and extravagant expressions, and contain noth- 
ing of which the writer would be ashamed were the 
letter to fall under the eyes of any person beside the 
one to whom it was written. 

REPLIES. 

A reply should promptly follow the receipt of a 
letter ; it can not be civilly delayed for any great 
length of time. It is customary to begin a reply by 
noticing the date of the letter to which an answer is 
given. 

One of the following forms is generally adopted : 

"I hasten to answer the letter which you did me 
the honor of writing on the ;" 

" I have received the letter with which you honored 
me on the ;' ' 

" I have not been able, until this moment, to answer 
the letter which you did me the honor of writing on 
the ." 

21 



322 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

RULES OF EPISTOLARY COMPOSITION. 

1. Every letter is of some importance: remember 
this before you begin to write. 

2. Do not consult grammarians, or lexicons, when 
you write a letter ; depend . rather on an attentive 
perusal of the best epistolary authors of both sexes. 
Study the letters of women in preference to those of 
men. 

3. Before you begin a letter, imagine that you are 
in the presence of the absent person ; converse with 
him, pen in hand. 

4. Julius Csesar dictated several letters at once ; do 
not imitate the Dictator of Rome, compose but one 
letter at a time. 

5 In your letters to a man in office, or to a pro- 
tector, beware of exhibiting more intellect than he 
possesses. 

6. Do not write a letter of reproof, immediately 
after a liberal repast. 

7. Never write long letters to persons in easy cir- 
cumstances. 

8. During your whole life, write to your instructors 
or instructresses with as much respect and gratitude 
as to your parents. 

9. In your letters, ask nothing and refuse nothing, 
which would cause you to blush, if you were to make 
the request or denial in person. 

10. Write all your letters in a simple style ; 
especially those which are addressed to the unlearned, 
and to men of sense. 

11. When you propose to be laconic in your letters, 
avoid dryness ; a dry style is the evidence of a barren 
mind. 



LETTER WRITING. 323 

12. A letter is like a nosegay ; the thoughts should 
be well assorted. 

13. In a crowd of persons, there are no two coun- 
tenances exactly alike ; let the case be the same with 
your letters. 

14. Speak of your friends, as if they were present ; 
write to them in the same manner. 

15. In your letters, accommodate yourself to the 
respective capacities of your correspondents. A 
young man should slacken his pace, when he walks 
with an old gentleman, or with a lady. 

16. Do not amass a previous store of brilliant or 
profound ideas in order to dispose of them in your 
letters as occasion may require. In the epistolary 
style, it is especially true, that we must live from day 
to day. 

17. Every kind of style may enter into the com- 
position of letters. In this respect everything depends 
on the subject and the writer. The sublime does not 
exclude simplicity ; on the contrary, it includes it. 

18. If you can not avoid superfluities, in your 
letters, be incorrect rather than pedantic. 

19. Do not meditate long before writing a letter ; 
but invariably revise it, after it is written. 

20. Be sparing in the use of puns in conversation ; 
employ them still more sparingly in your letters. 

21. A father and son should not address each other 
as companions ; but the letters of brothers may resem- 
ble those of friends. 

22. The mutual letters of a married pair, when 
absent from each other, should be affectionate and 
delicate. Many things should be the mere subjects of 



324 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

conjecture ; they may occasionally be spoken, but 
never committed to writing. 

23. Let your tongue and your pen have full scope ; 
but act like a skillful horseman, and let them con- 
stantly feel, that they shall be free, only while they 
abstain from abusing the liberty which you grant to 
them in your conversations or letters. 

24. Be brief when you write to magistrates ; they 
have neither time nor patience to read long epistles. 

25. Where you inflict censure, or bestow praise in 
your letters, be concise. 

26. Let every expression in your letters have the 
air of civility. This will render affected compliments 
and politeness unnecessary. Too many persons are 
polite in order to avoid civility. 

27. Never send a letter which has produced weari- 
ness or trouble in writing. It would certainly weary 
the reader. 

28. When you are thirsty, you drain a cup at a 
single draught. Attend to the proper time for compo- 
sition, and let your letter be commenced and finished, 
as it were with a single stroke of the pen. 

29. In all your conversations, forbear to sacrifice 
truth to considerations of civility or respect ; avoid the 
same fault in your letters. A spoken falsehood is a 
great evil ; a written falsehood is a still greater one. 

30. As the first thoughts are often the best, be care- 
ful to answer a letter without delay. No harm, how- 
ever, will result from deferring the reply for a day or 
two, especially if it relates to an affair of importance. 



CHAPTER XXX. 



NOTES. 




fMOTES, as considered in this 
JjJ| book, are brief messages 
:®i) pertaining to transient and 
local interest, by which persons 
in the same community make 
known to one another their 
wishes, compliments or com- 
mands. 
Notes, or billets, differ from 
ordinary letters in the four particulars : First, they 
are more formal ; second, they are written wholly, or 
partly, in the third person ; third, the date is gener- 
ally at the bottom ; fourth, they are without signature. 
Notes are appropriately used between equals in all 
matters of ceremony, such as weddings and dinners, 
and in brief communications between persons bur 
slightly acquainted. They may be used between 
unequals in any brief and formal message. 

It is difficult to write a note in the third person, and 
great care must be taken not to change from the third 
person to the first or second. 

The paper and envelopes used for notes should be 
plain and of the best quality. White paper is always 
in good taste. For weddings no other kind is allow- 

( 325 ) 



326 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

able, but for other occasions delicate tints may be 
used. The styles of note paper are constantly vary- 
ing, hence no definite size or shape can be given. 

Wedding notes always bear a monogram consisting 
of the combined initials of the bridegroom and bride. 
Besides the fine envelopes that enclose what is written, 
outside envelopes, as a protection, are generally used. 
These are indispensable when notes are sent by mail. 
In such cases the full address should be written on 
the outside envelope, and the name only on the inner 
one. 

STYLE. 

The most fashionable notes are characterized by sim- 
plicity. The language is concise, courteous, plain and 
beautiful. Flourishes are out of place. Refined taste 
exhibits itself in richness of material, beauty of form, 
harmony of parts, and perfect adaptation to circum- 
stances, rather than in excessive display. 

FRENCH PHRASES. 

The following are French phrases and initials, that 
are sometimes used in notes and cards, but English 
phrases are generally to be preferred : 

B. S. V. P. — Repondez sHl ws plait; answer, if you 
please. 
p. p % C— Pour prendre conge; to take leave. 
P. D. A. — Pour dire adieu; to say adieu. 
Costume de signeur, full dress in character. 
Fete champetre, a rural entertainment. 
Bal masque, a masquerade ball. 
E. V.—En, mile, in the town or city 
Soiree dansante, dancing party. 



NOTES. 827 

INVITATIONS— WEDDING. 

Wedding invitations are issued by the parents or 
nearest friends of the bride, about ten days before the 
ceremony. They may be written or printed on note 
paper or on cards, but for all ceremonious invita^ 
tions the note form is preferred. Notes printed from 
engraved plates are greatly superior to those printed 
from type, and are used almost exclusively by fashion- 
able people. When an answer is desired, the letters 
"R. S. V. P." or the words, "The favor of an answer 
is requested," are written or printed at the bottom. 

MODEL 1 — CEREMONY AND RECEPTION. 

€i<niz Gv(Q4d. Cy-/i<a'Wi<a4 Canned 



e--ct -cz-ci-u-ezft't-e't 



4Z'l'l4.444,€l , 



ti 



ec&fe.'t&a'n <l4&m ■A.fi-fy^-^L-gzd't <twi, ^-i^£ -owe, 




(328) 



NOTES. 



329 



MODEL 2-CEKEMONY. 



'^. 



Sfjt'tyu C&. CSyfQsa-a^ 



zd<td stAe. 



tt't'i't.-ei-tz-e ^fi-e-te.'m-a'Vi 






-tzM<£€> &()&'£<i-e<n<iL<tZ'C<n<£<£ 



7007; -WC jL&'U.'t & tdlX-C'TZ. 



>v.'£<t<t*n'a'£<i e'ibi'e-i'tzSz.'Cd 



f 



l-t-a-a-fe'Cwyi. 



Enclosing a Reception Card as follows : 





C^S-e-c-e/i^t-a^t. 


&* 


Cs-ueddtiy,. C/I/(&*Z'U ^A-i^C^^^kd^ . 




^^€1^, 4Z44<Z 0-t/-'e^l'C^t^. 



330 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



MODEL 3 — CEREMONY AND RECEPTION. 



l<£4<&msa-n'„ l , 



64d'£ cs^ed 













/. J?. (£%€L<wiAd<a<n. (yfkay, Sfji 



MODEL 4 -RECEPTION. 

To be written. 

4. -tz<Pt-c/ CyfiQ'id'. cTxQ'O.'t'iy, (2<xJi.<nd-a'n -t-e^'ued^t 
<zi4 (yw&dvz-edtziz.'M. (Qti&'n-m'tz-; (^/■a'tie^a^fa-ed. ^tU'e^yt^-u.^ 



NOTES. 



331 



MODEL 5 — CEREMONY. 



'/'(3-g. -0-44 



J 



<td. ai&'e'K't 



^■e-ez.'U'ed^ ^^-e 



e--ud-u4€- <jj£ ■^.-a't^-i. ■c<i<mfe--€Z'J4'iz, «z-£ ^z-^ (Z/v(Q)€i'i'i4.-ci-<z,e- 






-o.'i'mviiz i. 



MISCELLANEOUS MODELS. 



ST, JDHN'S CHURCH; 

( io above Pine,) 

Tubs day j March CCthj at twelvs n'clnck, 

iUva RicE, Julia TVEay, 

At Hditle after April Fifteenth, 

47B Clark St,, Cincinnati, 

( No Cards required.) 



The Marriage of 

Sdedd-t'e </$&& <£a C%. (Q. &*<f£&t 

Will be solemnized at Grace Church, Attica, Ind., 

On Tuesday afternoon, May third, 

at three o'clock. 

( Reception Card enclosed.) 



332 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



Wedding M, E, Church, 

Thursday aftErnann, May 2D, 'Bl ; 

at two o'clock; 

High Street; Colunrous, 

(Personal and Reception Cards enclosed.) 



THE MARRIAG-E CEREMDNY 

Will be solemnized at Christ 's Church, Toledo, 

On Monday evening, Oct. i, t88i. 

Your presence is requested. 

{Reception Card enclosed.} 



ANNOUNCEMENTS. 



Notes announcing the marriage, and enclosing a 
reception card to those who are desired to call, are 
sometimes issued after the wedding, as : 






££<£^^ v 






NOTES. 



333 



With the preceding note a reception card is enclosed, 
as follows : 



! 


fcofk**. 


i/k<l^U€--l-/ ( §ffa,46*t4Z& 


'.<£i.-e44; 




&£/ tf(Q<a4n<& / 




ofcwL. /Mi4, 


Ug-ezy, ■&44€Z (@'U'&44'C<riiz. / 




Sjt<T<§. 


(3<ZK.4^A &&&■&?. 





Instead of this method the announcement may be 
made by sending two cards, a large one containing 
the names of the husband and wife, and a smaller one 
containing the bride's maiden name. 

ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS, DINNERS, PARTIES, 
RECEPTIONS AND BALLS. 

These topics are treated of with sufficient fullness in 
the chapters on their respective subjects, and need not 
be noticed here, since in the proper connection model 
notes for invitations are given. 



ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS. 

An acceptance is an affirmative answer ; a regret is 
a non-acceptance. An invitation to a dinner should 
be promptly accepted or declined. Wedding invita- 
tions and receptions do not require an acceptance 
unless they contain the letters " R. S. V. P." or their 
equivalent. This may be said of invitations to parties 
and balls. Invitations to weddings, receptions and 



334 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

balls should be answered, if an answer is required, not 
later than the third day. The answer to a joint note 
from a husband and wife, should be addressed on the 
envelope to the wife alone ; but the answer should 
contain within it a recognition of both persons. 

MODEL 1 — ACCEPTANCE. 






(Q'U.e-'mvi-a, dz-ct-n. S^-A y -€i>n.-CL -cd <nizfedi-y, <£a A-tz^u-e -^Ce 



■e^.e^yi'U-e-t 



MODEL 2 — EEGRET. 



tZ.C.€-& 






U4d<z<z<u. (@<u-e<»i<i.'Vi'tz, / $cc<n. Jc Jc<z, 



C/'U-ed-fX-a^, ^/-e-ce-nt^ed 



NOTES. 



335 



SUPERSCRIPTION AND DELIVERY. 

The superscription on the envelope proper consists 
of the name alone, written as on an ordinary letter. 

The former practice of writing "present" under the 
name is now discarded. "The outside envelope 
should have upon it the full address of the person 
who receives it." 

Notes are usually delivered by a private messenger ; 
but the mail is used to convey notes to persons living 
in another town or city, or in distant parts of the. same 
city. 




CHAPTER XXXI 




CARDS. 



cultured and refined people, the 
visiting card conveys an unmistak- 
able intelligence ; but to the uncult- 
ured and unrefined, it is nothing 
more than a bit of paper, which 
to them has no significance what- 
ever. The social position of a 
stranger is often determined by the 
texture, style of engraving, and the 
hour of leaving a card — indeed, the 
card is an exponent of one's social 
standing. A perfect breeding may be 
easily expressed in the fashionable 
formalities of cards. The elegance 
of social forms are observed and preserved in propor- 
tion to the degree of culture and civilization of any 
community. Cards should be of fine texture, in plain 
script, or nicely written, and of medium size. 



CALLIXG CARDS. 

Nothing but the name should be on a card used in 
calling. The street and number may be on the card 
of the husband, but when necessary may be written in 



22 



(337) 



338 



AMEEICAN ETIQUETTE. 



pencil by a lady. A business card must not be used 
for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix 
"Dr.," or the affix "M. D.," upon his card, and an 
army or navy officer his rank and branch of service. 



MODELS OF VISITING AND GALLING GAUDS. 

No. 1. 




No. 2. 




No. 3. 



t\ c »$♦ 



TUESDAY. 



M* 



rtggs, 



689 Elm Street. 



CAKDS. 

No. 4. 



339 



q>&«. 


Cyspt-tz.'i'Ci.'rn L7^-t€.^c^ed. 


dT/e 


CMQzdded c/'-te.^A-e^. 


Tuesdays. 


Meridian Street. 



No. 5. 



Eliza Thornton, M.. D , 



823 WEST STEEET. 



No. B. 



William Bennett, 



Keen & Bennett, 



ST. XiOTJlS. 





No. 7. 




J2/e<n. 


&-. d 7 : <&&4~t~~. 






• 

u. s. 


A. 



340 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



No. 8. 



John w. Stuart, 



Ensign U. S. A. 



CARD TO SERVE FOR CALLS. 

A card may be made to serve the purpose of a call. 
It may be sent in an envelope, or left in person. In 
the latter case, one corner should be turned down, if 
for the lady of the house. Fold the card in the middle, 
if you wish to indicate that the call is on several, or all 
the members of the family. Leave a card for each 
guest, should any be visiting at the house. 

A CARD ENCLOSED IN AN ENVELOPE. 

A card enclosed in an envelope for the purpose of 
returning a call made in person, expresses a desire 
that visiting between the parties be ended. When 
such is not the intention, cards should not be enclosed 
in an envelope. P. P. C. cards are sent by post, and 
are the only cards that are, as yet, universally con- 
sidered admissible to be sent in this way. Cards sent 
to the newly married living in other cities, or in" 
answering wedding cards forwarded when absent from 
home, may be enclosed and sent by post. 

SIZE AND STYLE. 

The cards of unmarried or married men should be 
small. For married persons a medium size is in better 



CARDS. 341 

taste than a large card. The engraving in simple 
writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Printed 
letters, large or small, are very commonplace, no 
matter what the type may be. The "Mr." before the 
name should be dispensed with by young men. 

CARD FOR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. 

A young lady may, with propriety, have cards of 
her own ; or her name may be engraved or printed 
on her mother's cards, both in script. It is also 
fashionable for the daughter's name to be printed on 
the same card with the names of her father and 

mother. 

WEDDING CARDS. 

Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom 
the newly married couple desire to keep among their 
acquaintances, and it is then the duty of those 
receiving the cards to call first on the young couple. 

MODEL WEDDIXG CARDS. 



/ 



7 



C^ 



The above is written or engraved on a note sheet, in 
which is enclosed a reception card, in the following 
form : 



342 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




'■'U&'t /d^L, I&[-Cl,-M €1<VI.<Z 



735 N. ILLINOIS STREET. 



P. P. C. CARDS. 

"P. P. C." (Pour prendre conge) should be written 
in one corner of a card left at a farewell visit, before 
a long protracted absence. Such cards may be sent 
by messenger, or by post, it not being necessary to 
deliver them in person. It is not customary to send 
"P. P. C." cards when the absence from home is only 
for a few months, nor when starting in midsummer 
for a foreign country. They are sent by ladies just 
previous to their contemplated marriage to serve the 
purpose of a call. 

LEAVE CARDS IN MAKING FIRST CALLS. 

In making the first calls of the season, both ladies 
and gentlemen should each leave a card, at every 
house called upon, even if the ladies are receiving. 
The number and street should be written on the cards 
of young gentlemen. 

LEAVE CARDS AFTER AN INVITATION. 

Cards must be left with those who have sent invi- 
tations, whether accepted or not. If it is desired to 



CARDS. 



'MS 



end the acquaintance, the cards can be left without 
inquiring whether the ladies are at home, but they 
must be left in person. 

When gentlemen are only on terms of formal visit- 
ing, they should not expect to receive invitations from 
ladies, until the } r early autumnal call has been made, 
or until their cards have been left to represent them- 
selves. 

A BRIDEGROOM'S CARD. 

The bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (en- 
closed in an envelope) to those of his acquaintances 
with whom he wishes to continue on visiting terms. 
Those who receive a card should call on the bride, 
within ten days after she has taken possession of her 
new home. 

MODEL CARDS. 

INVITATION CARDS. 



*r. 


k 


firs. «. •. JHfcrb's 

CnmpliniEiiiSj 


Requesting the pleasure of your company on Tuesday 
Evening, February thirteenth, 1881. 


R. s. V. P. 




1370 Lincoln Avenue. 



Ji lama, 

Wednesday, December ninth, from two until 
four o'clock. 

19 East 34th Street. 



344 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE 



PRESENTATION CARD. 



Mrs. Zauder sends her Christmas greetings to Mr. 
Sirunk, and begs his acceptance of the accompanying trifle 
as a token of her regard. 




CHAPTER XXXII, 



FUNERALS. 




HE saddest of all duties to per- 
form is our duty to the dead. 
It becomes us to show in every 
possible way our sympathies 
for the bereaved and the deep- 
est respect for the solemn occa- 
sion. Of late, forms of ostenta- 
tion at funerals are gradually 
diminishing, and by some even 
mourning habiliments are re- 
jected in whole or in part. 



PHPSHESET INVITATION TO A FUNERAL. 

It is customary in cities to 
give notice of death and an- 
nouncement of funeral through the newspaper, but for 
fear it will not reach all in time, invitations are sent 
to personal and family friends of the deceased. 

Private invitations are usually printed on fine small 
note paper with a heavy black border, and in such 
form as the following : 

(345) 




346 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



1 irana 










FUNERALS. 347 



MODEL FUNERAL INVITATION. 






♦ Jjoliir 50. ^otton, 




tan i /:?-■;- /a^e -ied-tize^^tce, 
(Or from Christ's Church.) 



? SiLacee (7 -lh 6^€4ZrfLz4Z4t-c£ ^^-e-me-^e-i^u . 



It is a breach of good manners not to accept an 
invitation to a funeral when one is sent. 

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS. 

It is customary to trust the details of the arrange- 
ments for a funeral to some relative or friend of the 
family ; or, if there be none such, it can be safely left 



348 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

with the undertaker. It is prudent to name a limit for 
the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the 
family should of course govern this. Pomp and dis- 
play -should always be avoided. The lesson of death 
is too solemn to be made the occasion of mere show. 

THE HOUSE OF MOURNING. 

Upon entering the house of mourning the hat should 
be removed, and all loud talking or confusion avoided. 
All differences and quarrels should be forgotten and 
enemies who meet at a funeral should treat each other 
with respect and dignity. JNo calls of condolence 
should be made upon the bereaved family while the 
dead remains in the house, and members of the family 
may be excused from receiving any but their most 
intimate friends at that time. The bell knob or door 
handle is draped with black crape, with a black ribbon 
tied on, if the deceased is married or advanced in } T ears, 
and with a white ribbon if young or unmarried. 

FUNERAL SERVICES. 

If the services are held at the house, some near friend 
or relative will receive the guests. The immediate 
members of the family and near relatives should take 
a final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the 
guests, and should not make their appearance again 
until about time for the services to commence. The 
clergyman in taking his position should accommodate 
himself to the hearing of all, if possible, but especially 
to the family and near relatives, who will probably be 
in a room to themselves. In such case he should stand 
in the doorway. The guests will have taken a last 
look at the corpse before seating themselves, and at 



FUNERALS. 349 

the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed, 
and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom 
of opening the coffin at church, *unless the person 
is one of distinguished prominence, is fast falling into 
disuse. 

THE PALL-BEARERS. 

The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight 
in number, are generally chosen from the intimate 
acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same 
age. If they walk to the cemetery, they take their 
position in equal numbers on either side of the hearse. 

ORDER OF THE PROCESSION. 

The carriages containing the clergymen and pall- 
bearers precede the hearse, immediately followed by 
the carriages of the nearest relatives, more distant 
relatives and friends, respectively. When societies or 
masonic bodies take part in the procession they pre- 
cede the hearse. The horse of a deceased mounted 
military officer, fully caparisoned and draped in mourn- 
ing, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the 
mourners pass out to enter the carriages, the guests 
stand with uncovered heads. No salutations are 
given or received. The person who officiates as master 
of ceremonies assists the mourners to enter and alight 
from the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman 
or priest precedes the coffin. 

FLORAL DECORATLONS. 

The decorations for the coffin are usually flowers, 
arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young- 
person, and a cross for a married person. The flowers 



350 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




mmwmm" 



1' ) 



/ ^V ] 



FUNERALS. 351 

are mostly white. Friends may send floral devices as 
a mark of esteem. These should be sent in time for 
decorative purposes. 

CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY. 

Friends may call upon the bereaved family in a 
week after burial and acquaintances within a month. 
It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors 
when making their Calls of condolence. Short notes 
of condolence may be sent as an expression of sym- 
pathy. Formal notes of condolence are no longer 
sent. 

HABILIMENTS OF MOURNING. 

Custom prescribes some indication of one' s bereave- 
ment in their dress. They who choose to adopt this 
custom may do so with perfect propriety. The widow 
dresses in mourning for life, or until a subsequent 
marriage. For the loss of a brother or sister or son or 
daughter, six months or a year, as they may prefer. 




CHAPTER XXXIII. 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 




T our National Capital, 
where social standing 
is determined by offi- 
cial rank, there are 
some special rules of 
etiquette which we 
shall briefly notice in 
this chapter. 



THE PRESIDENT. 

The President is regarded as ' ' the first man in the 
nation," socially as well as officially. There is no 
special set of formalities necessary for forming his 
acquaintance. He receives calls, but is not required 
to return them. He is addressed as " Mr. President" 
or "Your Excellency." 

When the President gives up the morning hours to 
receiving calls, those who have business with him take 
precedence over those who have not. In either case 
the caller is summoned into the room occupied by the 
President' s secretaries. Here he presents his card and 
is shown in to the President. The person who has do 
business with the President simply pays his respects 



23 



( 353 ) 




Vfmrm* 



I; J; : 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 355 

and withdraws. On a private call it is always better 
to secure the services of some official, or friend of the 
President, to go with you and introduce you. 

RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 

While congress is in session, stated receptions are 
given at the White House which all are permitted to 
attend. The caller gives his name to the usher upon 
entering the reception room. The usher announces 
the name, and as the caller approaches the President, 
he is introduced by an official appointed for that pur- 
pose. Having been presented to the President and 
the members of his family, the guest passes on and 
mingles in the social intercourse of those assembled. 
A caller may leave his card if he wishes. 

PRESIDENTIAL STATE DINNERS. 

At state dinners given by the President, the same 
rules prevail as at any other formal dinner, but pre- 
cedence is given to the guests according to official 
station. An invitation from the President can not be 
refused, and it affords a sufficient excuse for breaking 
any other engagement ; but the parties with whom 
you may have other engagements should be informed 
of your invitation from the President. 

MEMBERS OF THE PRESIDENTIAL FAMILY. 

The wife of the President is not obliged to return 
calls, though she may visit those who are special 
friends, or whom she wishes to honor by her company. 

The other members of the President's family may 
receive and return calls. 



356 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



NEW YEAR'S RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 

New Year's receptions are the most ceremonious 
occasions which occur at the White House. Ladies 
appear in the most elegant toilets suitable for a morn- 
ing reception, and members of foreign legations appear 
in the court dress of their respective nationalities. 

ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK. 

Next in rank to the President are, the Chief Justice, 
the Yice-President, and Speaker of the House of Rep- 
resentatives. These receive the first visits from all 
others. Next in order are the General of the Army, 
and the Admiral of the Navy. All these, so far men- 
tioned, receive the first call from the representatives. 
The wife of any official is entitled to the same social 
precedence as her husband. Among officers of the 
army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds 
to the Vice- Admiral, the Major-General to the Rear- 
Admiral, Brigadier-General to Commodore, Colonel to 
Captain in the navy, and so on. 

CABINET OFFICERS. 

On all ordinary occasions the cabinet officers take 
equal rank. When it becomes necessary in state 
ceremony to have some order of precedence, it is as 
follows : 

Secretary of State, of the Treasury, of War, of the 
Navy, the Postmaster-General, Secretary of the Inter- 
ior, Attorney-General. 

. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of the 
household, give receptions on every Wednesday dur- 
ing the season, from the first of January till Lent. On 



WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 



357 



these occasions, all who wish to do so, are at liberty 
to call, and refreshments are served. The ladies of 
the family are under obligations to return these calls 
and leave the cards of the cabinet officers, with an 
invitation to an evening reception. 

Cabinet officers are expected to entertain, by dinners 
and otherwise, senators, representatives and other 
high officials and distinguished visitors at Washington, 
as well as the ladies of their respective families. Hours 
for calling at the capital are usually from two till half 
past five. 

SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES. 

It is optional with senators, representatives and all 
other officials, except President and cabinet officers, 
whether they entertain. 




CHAPTER XXXIV, 



FOREIGN TITLES. 




N this country where 
titles are not handed 
down from father to 
son, but won, if at all, 
by each for himself, 
we naturally know 
but little of hereditary 
titles. In Europe 
it is quite different, 
and, as many of 
z "._ our citizens go 
J& abroad, it will be 
well that they be 
informed upon this 
subject. For, in 
Europe, to fail to 
give a person his 
or her proper title 
is a serious breach of manners, and one not readily 
overlooked. 

ROYALTY. 

The head of the social structure in England is the 
King and Queen. They are addressed under the form 
4 'Your Majesty." Second in rank is the Prince of 

( 3 59 ) 



360 



AMERICA!* ETIQUETTE. 



Wales, heir- apparent to the throne. The other chil- 
dren while in their minority are all known as princes 
and princesses. The eldest of the princesses is the 
crown princess. When they attain to their major- 
ity the princes become dukes, and the princesses 
retain their former title, adding that of their husbands 
when they marry. Members of the royal house are 
all designated as "Their Royal Highnesses." 




THE NOBILITY. 

A duke who inherits the title from his father is one 
grade below a royal duke. The wife of a duke is a 
duchess. They are both addressed as "Your Grace." 
The eldest son of a duke is styled a marquis until he 
comes into possession of his father' s title. His wife 
is a marchioness. The younger sons of a duke are 
by courtesy called lords, and the daughters have the 



FOREIGN TITLES. 361 

title of lady prefixed to their Christian names. An 
earl or a baron is spoken of as a lord, and his wife as 
a lady, though to the lady the title of conntess or 
baroness wonld rightly belong. The daughters of an 
earl are ladies, the younger sons of both earls and 
barons are honorables. Bishops receive the title of 
lord, but with them it is not hereditary. 

THE GENTRY. 

Baronets are addressed as "Sirs," and their wives 
receive the title of lady; but they are only com- 
moners of a higher degree. A clergyman by right of 
his calling stands on an equality with all commoners, 
a bishop with all peers. 

ESQUIRE. 

In England the title of Esquire is not merely an 
empty compliment, as it is in this country. The fol- 
lowing have a legal right to the title : 

The sons of peers, whether known as lords or honor- 
ables. 

The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons 
in perpetual descent. 

All the sons of baronets. 

All esquires of the Knights of the Bath. 

Lords of manors, chiefs of clans, and other tenants 
of the crown in capite, are esquires by prescription. 

Esquires, created to that rank by patent, and their 
sons in perpetual succession. 

Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while 
on the roll, mayors of towns during mayoralty, and 
sheriffs of counties. 

Members of the House of Commons 



362 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Barristers at law. 

Bachelors of divinity, law and physic. 
All who in commissions signed by the sovereign are 
ever styled esquires, retain that title for life. 

IMPERIAL RANK. 

Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings 
and queens. The sons and daughters of the Emperor 
of Austria are styled archdukes and archduchesses. 

EUROPEAN TITLES. 

Titles in continental Europe are so common and so 
often unsustained by landed or moneyed interests, 
that they have not the same significance which they 
hold in England. Many who have inherited high 
titles have nothing but the empty name. This is fre- 
quently the case in GJ-ermany, and still more often so 
in Italy. 




CHAPTER XXXV. 



GAMES, SPORTS AND AMUSEMENTS. 




BOOK designed to treat of 
social etiquette, would not be 
complete unless all depart- 
ments of social life were dis- 
cussed. Whenever men and 
women meet, there the rules 
of etiquette and good man- 
ners are found in force. Sports and games are a very 
important part of social life, and ladies and gentlemen 
will be as careful while engaged in them, as at any 
other time, that their conduct may manifest politeness 
and refinement. While the same fundamental princi- 
ples of politeness, unselfishness and regard for others, 
govern here as elsewhere, yet the formality of eti- 
quette — if there be any — should be relaxed, and ladies 
and gentlemen should engage in games and sports 
with perfect freedom and ease. There should be no 
rules of propriety to make one feel restrained, and 
thus make his actions seem awkward and his speech 
halting. Games should be entered into with mirth 
and cheerfulness, with the greatest gayety and liveli- 

(363) 



364 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

ness — never with restraint. It is not our purpose here 
to lay down a set of rules governing the games we wish 
to mention ; the full rules may be found accompany- 
ing the implements of each game. But we may prop- 
erly describe some of the more popular and common 
games and amusements, and give suggestions as to 
what is customary, or what are regarded as impro- 
prieties. 

CHESS. 

This is the most popular intellectual game. It is 
called the game of the kings. It affords much amuse- 
ment, sometimes intense excitement, to those who 
become practiced players. It is the most profitable of 
all indoor games. Requiring thought and quiet it is 
improper for either player to make a disturbing noise. 
A gentleman playing with a lady, should first assist 
her in arranging her pieces, and then arrange his 
own. He is not expected to give her advantages 
which the rules of the game do not accord to her. It is 
regarded by the rules of the game, as improper to 
whistle, or hum, or drum with the fingers, or keep 
time with the feet. The game should be conducted as 
nearly as possible in silence. You should not mani- 
fest impatience at your opponent taking his time to 
make a move. See that you play strictly according to 
the rules adopted, and if victor, play again if your 
opponent desire it. 

AMCHERY. 

Perhaps the most popular outdoor amusement 
which can be indulged in by ladies and gentlemen, is 
that found with the bow and arrow. In many villages 
and cities throughout the country archery clubs have 



GAMES, SPORTS AND AMUSEMENTS. 365 

been formed, and with American young people the 
practice of archery has become one of the most 
delightful and profitable of sports. 



IMPLEMENTS FOR ARCHERY. 

The implements required for archery are the bow, 
arrows, target, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm-guard 



366 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

or brace, a shooting glove or finger tip and a scoring 
card. 

The bow is from five to six feet long, made of larice- 
wood or locust. Spanish yew is considered the 
choicest, next comes the Italian, then the English 
yew ; lancewood and lancewood backed with hick- 
ory are used more than any other. In choosing a 
bow, you will find that the best you can afford will 
prove the cheapest in the end. Men should use bows 
six feet long, pulling from forty to sixty pounds ; and 
ladies, bows of five feet or five feet six inches in length, 
pulling from twenty-five to forty pounds. The target 
consists of a circular, thick mat of straw, from two to 
four feet in diameter, covered with canvas, painted in 
a series of circles. The inner circle is a gold color, 
then comes red, white, black and the outer circle 
white. The score for a gold hit is nine ; the red, seven ; 
the inner white, five ; the black, three ; and the outer 
white, one. The arrows should be of uniform thickness 
throughout, being generally made of pine ; the finest 
grades are made of white deal, and every arrow should 
have a sharp point of iron or brass ; they are from 
twenty to thirty inches in length. The quiver-belt is 
worn around the waist and contains the arrows which 
are being used. A shooting glove is worn on the right 
hand to protect the fingers from soreness in drawing 
the string of the bow. 

ARCHERY CLUBS. 

It is by organization into clubs, that archery is made 
a game. The clubs are about equally divided as to 
ladies and gentlemen, and have their prescribed offi- 
cers and rules. Each member of the club is expected 



367 

to furnish his own implements, and to attend all the 
practice meetings and prize shootings. Besides the 
officers usual to all other organizations, the club has a 
field marshal, whose duties are to place the targets, 
measure the shooting distances and have a general 
supervision of the field; a scorer, who shall keep a 
score of each individual member, and a lady para- 
mount, who acts as umpire, and, as highest officer in 
the club, is judge of all disputes. In practice meet- 
ings there should be one target for every six or eight 
persons. The targets may be placed at any required 
distance, from thirty to one hundred yards, — ladies 
being generally allowed about one-fourth the distance 
in shooting. An equal number of ladies and gentle- 
men occupy one target, and each shoot a certain 
number of arrows, from three to six, a score being 
kept as the target is hit. 

LADIES' COSTUME 

May be more brilliant than the ordinary walking 
dress, and should be made short enough for conven- 
ience in movement, and so as to give free and easy 
motion of the arms. 

BOATING. . 

Where there is water to admit of it, boating is found j 
an enjoyable and profitable recreation. It may be 
pursued by both ladies and gentlemen. As there is 
considerable danger in sailing, no gentleman should 
think of inviting ladies to ride with him on the water, 
unless he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat. 
This requires tact and experience. Rowing is safer 
and is a healthful and delightful exercise, and many 



368 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




369 

ladies become experts at the art, But care should be 
taken in not overloading the boat. Every gentleman 
should know how to row, as it is a knowledge easily 
acquired. If one inexperienced in rowing goes out 
with others in a boat, he should refrain from any 
attempt to row, as it may render the ride uncomfort- 
able to his companions. It is polite to offer a friend the 
■" stroke" oar, as it is regarded as the post of honor. 
A lady' s dress in rowing should give perfect freedom 
to her arms ; she should have a short skirt, stout boots, 
and a hat with sufficient brim to protect her from the 
sun. 

LAWN TENNIS. 

This is one of the most ancient of games. The 
ancient Greeks and Romans played it, and ever since, 
with varying intermissions, it has been a favorite game 
in many countries of Europe. There are many points 
in favor of tennis to commend it to popular favor. It 
is a game for both ladies and gentlemen, with equal 
chances in favor of the ladies carrying off the palm. 
The exercise is not of an exhausting character, and 
affords ladies a training in easy and graceful move- 
ments. 

The requisites for playing are, a lawn of level sur- 
face about forty-five by one hundred feet, as the 
"court," upon which the playing is done, is twenty- 
seven by seventy-eight feet ; a net four or five feet 
high and twenty- seven feet long, which divides the 
court ; a ball of india rubber and a "racket." 

The uses of the net, the ball and the racket, may 
be found in the rules which accompany the imple- 
iments. 

24 



370 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 




GAMES. SPORTS AND AMUSEMENTS. 



371 



PICNICS. 



At picnics, while ladies and gentlemen will not for- 
get to be polite and courteous, forms and ceremonies 







-it 'v; 



are thrown aside. Men and women engage in these 
days of pleasure that they may escape, for a time, the 
cares of business, and the restraints of formal society, 
so at such times it is the duty of all to make the occa- 



372 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

sion one of gayety and mirth. Formal introductions 
and ceremonies should not stand in the way of enjoy- 
ment. The ladies should provide the luncheon or 
dinner, and invent whatever they can in the way of 
enjoyment for the gentlemen. The gentlemen at such 
times are not only the guides and escorts of the ladies, 
but their servants as well, and they should perform 
such services for the ladies, in the way of procuring 
flowers, carrying baskets, etc., as may be requested. 
It is their duty to provide conveyances to and from 
the place of the festivities, to make all arrangements 
necessary in the way of providing music, games, boats, 
and whatever else is needed to add to the pleasure of 
the day. 

ETIQUETTE OF CARD PLAYING. 

We will note here some of the ordinary rules of 
politeness to be observed in card playing: 

Never urge any one, who seems to be unwilling, to 
play a game of cards. They may have conscientious 
scruples in the matter, which should be respected. 

If you do not understand the game it is proper to 
refuse to play. But if you know how, and have no 
scruples of conscience, you should not refuse, if a 
game can not be made up without you. 

Gruests should not call for cards. It is the privilege 
of the host or hostess to suggest them. 

Never finger the cards while they are being dealt, 
nor take them up until they are all dealt out. 

Never hurry any one who is playing. In endeavor- 
ing to play their best, they should be allowed their 
own time without interruption. 



GAMES, SPORTS AND AMUSEMENTS. 



373 



Betting at cards is vulgar ; it is nothing less than 
gambling, and should be always scrupulously avoided. 

If the players wish quiet, that they may play well, 
do not suggest, or keep up a conversation, or make 
any noise which will distract your own mind, or the 
minds of others, from the game. 




CHAPTER XXXVI. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 



^iCANGUAGE means, in a general 
sense, any method of communi- 
cating thought. Man commonly 
accomplishes it through the or- 
gans of sight and hearing, and 
gr\ sometimes by the sense of touch, 
but it is especially sight which 




yfb&g conveys the most intelligence to the mind, 

fNfSSf, and by its medium are the greatest impres- 
rlpy sions made. What more pleasing to our 
^W? senses than beautiful flowers — their form, 
|Pj§|| their great variety, and sometimes sharp 
but harmonic contrast of color, and their 
fragrance ! And how attractive to the 
youngest as well as the oldest — the well or 
sick — in trouble or in happiness ! To the 
person of leisure, or to one utterly weary in body or 
mind, what more welcome than some sweet, fragrant 
flower — a pansy, or a carnation, even ! — and it is an 
elegant custom, by which flowers, the beautiful part 
of creation, are made to express sentiments of love, 
tributes of affection, and premiums of honor, valor 
and fame. 

(375) 





(376) 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 377 

The following is the language of flowers : 

Acacia. Concealed love. 

Acacia, Rose. Friendship. 

Acanthus. Arts. 

Adonis Vernalis. Bitter memories. 

Agnus Castus. Coldness. 

Agrimony. Thankfulness. 

Almond. Hope. 

Aloe. Superstition. 

Althea. Consumed by love. 

Alyssum, Sweet. Worth beyond beauty. 

Amaranth. Immortality. 

Amaryllis. Splendid beauty. 

Ambrosia. Love returned. 

Anemone. Expectation. 

Anemone, Garden. Forsaken. 

Angelica. Inspiration. 

Apocynum, (Dogbane). Inspiration. 

Apple. Temptation. 

A ople Blossom. Preference. 

Arbor Vitae. Unchanging friendship. 

Arbutus, Trailing. Welcome. 

Arnui. Ardor. 

Ash. Grandeur. 

Ash, Mountain. Prudence. 

Aspen Tree. Lamentation. 

Asphodel. Regrets beyond the grave. 

Aurilica. Avarice. 

Azalea. Romance. 

Bachelors' Button. Hope in love. 

Balm. Sympathy. 

Balm of Gileacl. Healing 

Balsam. Impatience. 

Barberry. Sharpness ; satire. 



378 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Basil. Hatred. 

Bay Leaf. No change till death. 

Beech. Prosperity. 

Bee Ophrys. Error. 

Bee Orchis. Industry. 

Bell Flower. Gratitude. 

Belvidere, Wild (Licorice). I declare against you. 

Bilberry. Treachery. 

Birch Tree. Meekness. 

Black Bryony. Be my support. 

Bladder-Nut Tree. Frivolous amusements. 

Blue Bottle. Delicacy. 

Borage. Bluntness. 

Box. Constancy. 

Briers. Envy. 

Broken Straw. Constancy. 

Broom. Neatness. 

Buckbran. Calm repose. 

Bugloss. Falsehood. 

Burdock. Importunity. 

Buttercup. Riches. 

Cactus. Thou lovest me. 

Calla Lilly. Feminine beauty. 

Calycanthus. Benevolence. 

Camelia. Pity. 

Camomile. Energy in action. 

Candytuft. Indifference. 

Canterbury Bell. Gratitude. 

Cape Jasmine Gardenia. Transport ; ecstasy. 

Cardinal Flower. Distinction. 

Carnation, Yellow. Disdain. 

Catchfly (Silene), Red. Youthful love. 

Catchfly, White. I fall a victim. 

Cedar. I live for thee. 

Cedar of Lebanon. Incorruptible. 



THE . L ANGtTAGE OF FLOWERS. 379 



Celandine. Future joy. 

Cherry Tree. Good education. 

Chickweed. I cling to thee. 

Chickory. Frugality. 

China Aster. I will think of thee. 

China, Pink. Aversion. 

Chrysanthemum, Rose. In love. 

Chrysanthemum, White. Truth. 

Chrysanthemum, Yellow. Slighted love. 

Cinquefoil. Beloved child. 

Clematis. Artifice. 

Clover, Red. Industry. 

Coboea. Gossip. 

Coxcomb. Foppery. 

Colchium. My best days fled. 

Coltsfoot. Justice shall be done you. 

Columbine. Folly. 

Columbine, Purple. Resolved to win. 

Columbine, Red. Anxious. 

Convolvulus Major. Dead hope. 

Convolvulus Minor. Uncertainty. 

Corchorus. Impatience of happiness. 

Coreopsis. Love at first sight. 

Coriander. Hidden merit. 

Corn. Riches. 

Cornelian Cherry Tree. Durability. 

Coronilla. Success to you. 

Cowslip. Pensiveness. 

Cowslip, American. My divinity. 

Crocus. Cheerfulness. 

Crown Imperial. Majesty. 

Currants. You please me. 

Cypress. Mourning. 

Cypress and Marigold. Despair. 

DaiFodil. Chivalry. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 381 

Dahlia. Forever thine. 

Daisy, Garden. I share your feelings. 

Daisy, Michaelmas. Farewell. 

Daisy, Red. Beauty unknown to possessor. 

Daisy, White. Innocence. 

Daisy, Wild. I will think of it. 

Dandelion. Coquetry. 

Daphne Mezereon. I desire to please. 

Daphne Odora. I would not have you otherwise. 

Dead Leaves. Sadness. 

Diosma. Usefulness. 

Dittany. Birth. 

Dock. Patience. 

Dodder. Meanness. 

Dogwood Flowering (Cornus). Am I indifferent to you? 

Ebony. Hypocrisy. 

Eglantine. I wound to heal. 

Elder. Compassion. 

Elm. Dignity. 

En dine. Frugality. 

Epignea, Repeus (May Flower). Budding beauty. 

Eupatorium. Delay. 

Evening: Primrose. Inconstancv 

Evergreen. Poverty. 

Everlasting (Graphalium). Never-ceasing memory. 

Filbert. Reconciliation. 

Fir Tree. Elevation. 

Flax. I feel your kindness. 

Flora's Bell. Without pretension. 

Flowering Reed. Confide in heaven. 

Forget-me-not. True love. 

Foxglove. Insincerity. 

Fraxinella. Fire. 

Frittillaria, (Guinea-hen Flower). Persecution. 

Furze. Anger. 



382 AMEBIC AN ETIQUETTE. 

Fuchsia. The ambition of my love thus plagues itself. 

Fuchsia, Scarlet. Taste. 

Gardenia. Transport ; ecstacy. 

Gentian, Fringed. Intrinsic worth. 

Geranium, Apple. Present preference. 

Geranium, Ivy. Your hand for next dance. 

Geranium, Nutmeg. I expect a meeting. 

Geranium, Oak. Lady, deign to smile. 

Geranium, Rose. Preference. 

Geranium, Silver Leaf. Recall. 

Gilly-flower. Lasting beauty. 

Gladiolus. Ready armed. 

Golden Rod. Encouragement. 

Gooseberry. Anticipation. 

Goosefoot. Goodness. 

Gorse. Endearing affection. 

Grape. Charity. 

Grass. Utility. 

Guelder Rose (Snowball). Writer. 

Harebell. Grief. 

Hawthorn. Hope. 

Heart's Ease. Think of me. 

Heart's Ease, Purple. You occupy my thoughts. 

Hazel. Reconciliation. 

Heath. Solitude. 

Helenium. Tears. 

Heliotrope, Peruvian. I love ; devotion. 

Hellebore. Scandal. 

Henbane. Blemish. 

Hepatica. Confidence. 

Hibiscus. Delicate beauty. 

Holly. Foresight. 

Hollyhock. Fruitfulness. 

Hollyhock, White. Female ambition. 

Honesty (Lunaria). Sincerity. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 383 

Honeysuckle. The bond of love. 

Honeysuckle, Coral. The color of my fate. 

Honeysuckle, Monthly. I will not answer hastily. 

Hop. , Injustice. 

Hornbeam. Ornament. 

Horse-chestnut. Luxury. 

House-leek. Domestic economy 

Houstonia. Content. 

Hoya (Wax Plant). Sculpture. 

Hyacinth. Jealousy. 

Hyacinth, Blue. Constancy. 

Hyacinth, Purple. Sorrow. 

Hydrangea. Heartlessness. 

Tee Plant. Your looks freeze me. 

Indian Cress. Resignation. 

Ipomaco. I attach myself to you. 

Iris. Message. 

Iris, German. Flame. 

Ivy. Friendship; matrimony. 

Jessamine, Cape. Transient joy. 

Jessamine, White. Amiability. 

Jessamine, Yellow. Grace; elegance 

Jonquil. Return my affection. 

Judas Tree. Betrayed. 

Juniper. Perfect loveliness. 

Kalamia, (Mountain Laurel). Treachery. 

Kennedia. Intellectual beauty. 

Laburnum. Pensive beauty. 

Lady's Slipper. Capricious beauty. 

Lagerstroema, (Cape Myrtle). Eloquence. 

Lantana. Rigor. 

Larch. Boldness. 

Larkspur. Fickleness. 

Laurel. Glory. 

Laurestine. I die of neglect. 



384 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Lavender. Distrust. 

Lemon Blossom. Discretion. j 

Lettuce. Cold hearted. 

Lilac. First emotion of love. 

Lilac, White.' Youth. 

Lily. Purity ; modesty. 

Lily of the. Valley. Return of happiness. 

Lily, Day. Coquetry. 

Lily, Water. Eloquence. 

Lily, Yellow. Falsehood. 

Linden Tree. Conjugal love. 

Live Oak. Liberty. 

Liverwort. Confidence. 

Locust. Affection beyond the grave. 

London Pride. Frivolity. 

Lotus. Forgetful of the past. 

Love in a Mist. You puzzle me. 

Love Lies Bleeding. Hopeless, not heartless. 

Lucerne. Life. 

Lungwort (Pulmonaria). Thou art my life. 

Lupine. Imagination. 

Lychnis. Religious enthusiasm 

Lythrum. Pretension. 

Madder. Calumny. 

Maiden's Hair. Discretion. 

Magnolia, Chinese. Love of nature. 

Magnolia, Grandiflora. Peerless and proud. 

Magnolia, Swamp. Perseverance. 

Mallow. Sweetness. 

Mandrake. Honor. 

Maple. Reserve. 

Marigold. Cruelty. 

Marigold, African. Yulgar-minded. 

Marigold, French. Jealousy. 

.Marjoram. Blushes. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 385 

Marshmallow. Beneficence. 
Marvel of Peru, (Four o'clock). Timidity. 
Meadow Saffron. My best day's gone. 
Meadow Sweet. Usefulness. 

Mignonette. Your qualities surpass your charms. 
Mimosa. Sensitiveness 
Mint. Virtue. 

Mistletoe. I surmount all difficulties. 
Mock Orange, (Syringa). Counterfeit. 
Monkshood. A deadly foe is near. 
Moonwort. Forgetfulness. 
Morning Glory. Coquetry 
Moss. Material love. 
Motherwort. Secret love. 

Mourning Bride, (Scabious). Unfortunate attachment. 
Mouse-ear Chickweed. Simplicity. 
Mulberry, Black. I will not survive you. 
Mulberry, White. Wisdom. 
Mullen. Good nature. 
Mushroom. Suspicion. 
Mush Plant. Weakness. 
Mustard Seed. Indifference. 
Myosotis. Forget me not. 
Myrtle. Love. 
Narcissus. Egotism. 
Nasturtium. Patriotism. 
Nettle. Cruelty ; slander. 
Night Blooming Cereus. Transient beauty. 
Nightshade. Bitter truth. 
Oak. Hospitality. 
Oats. Music. 
Oleander. Beware. 
•Orange. Generosity. 
Orange Flower. Chastity. 
Orchis. Beauty. 
25 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 38? 

Osier. Frankness. 

Osmunda. Dreams. 

Pansy. Think of me. 

Parsley.! Entertainment. 

Pasque Flower. Unpretentious. 

Passion Flower. Religious fervor. 

Pea. Appointed meeting. 

Pea, Everlasting. Wilt go with me ? 

Pea, Sweet. Departure. 

Peach Blossom. My heart is thine. 

Pear Tree. Affection 

Peony. Anger. 

Pennyroyal. Flee away. 

Periwinkle. Sweet memories. 

Persimmon. Bury me amid nature's beauties. 

Petunia. Am not proud. 

Peasant's eye*. Sorrowful memories. 

Phlox. Our souls united. 

Pimpernal. Change. 

Pine. Time. 

Pine Apple. You are perfect. 

Pine, Spruce. Farewell. 

Pink. Pure affection. 

Pink, Clove. Dignity. 

Pink, Double-red. Pure, ardent love. 

Pink, Indian. Aversion. 

Pink, Mountain. You are aspiring. 

Pink, Variegated. Refusal. 

Pink, White. You are fair. 

Pink, Yellow. Disdain. 

Plane Tree. Genius. 

Pleurisy Root (Asclepias). Heartache cure. 

Plum Tree. Keep promise. 

Plum Tree, Wild. Independence. 

Polyanthus. Confidence. 



38S AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Poplar, Black. Courage 

Poplar, White. Time. 

Poppy. Consolation. 

Poppy, White. Sleep of the heart. 

Pomegranate. Foolishness. 

Pomegranate Flower. Elegance. 

Potato. Beneficence. 

Pride of China (Melia). Dissension. 

Primrose. Early youth. 

Primrose, Evening. Inconstancy. 

Print. Mildness. 

Pumpkin. Coarseness. 

Quince. Temptation. 

Ragged Robin (Lychnis). Wit. 

Ranunculus. Radiant with charms. 

Reeds. Music. 

Rhododendron. Agitation. * 

Rose. Beauty. 

Rose, Austrian. Thou art all that is lovely. 

Rose, Barolina. Love is dangerous. 

Rose, Bridal. Happy love. 

Rose, Burgundy. Unconscious beauty. 

Rose, Cabbage. Love's ambassador. 

Rose, Campion. Only deserve my love. 

Rose, China. Grace. 

Rose, Daily. That smile I would aspire to. 

Rose, Damask. Freshness. 

Rose, Dog. Pleasure and pain. 

Rose, Hundred Leaf. Pride. 

Rose, Inermis. Ingratitude. 

Rose, Maiden's Blush. If you do love me you will find me out. 

Rose, Moss, Superior merit. 

Rose, Multiflora. Grace. 

Rose, Musk- cluster. Charming. 

Rose, Sweetbriar. Sympathy. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 389 

Rose, Tea. Always lovely. 

Rose, Unique. Call me not beautiful. 

Rose, White. I am worthy of you. 

Rose, White (withered). Transient impression. 

Rose, Wild. Simplicity. 

Rose, Yellow. Decrease of love. 

Rose, York and Lancaster. War. 

Roses, Garland of. Reward of virtue. 

Rosebud. Young girl. 

Rosebud, Moss. Confessed love. 

Rosebud, White. The heart that knows not love. 

Rosemary. Your presence revives me. 

Rue. Disdain. 

Rush. Docility. 

Saffron. Excess is dangerous. 

Sage. Esteem. 

Sardonia. Irony. 

Satinfiower (Lunaria). Sincerity. 

Scabious, Mourning Bride. Widowhood. 

Sensitive Plant. Timidity. 

Service Tree. Prudence. 

Snapdragon. Presumption. 

Snowball. Thoughts of heaven. 

Snowdrop. Consolation. 

Sorrel. Wit ill timed. 

Southernwood. Jesting. 

Spearmint. Warm feelings. 

Speedwell, Nerevica. Female fidelity. 

Spindle Tree. Your image is engraved on my heart. 

Star of Bethlehem. Reconciliation. 

Starwort, American. Welcome to a stranger. 

St. John's Wort (Hypericum). Superstition. 

Stock, Ten-week. Promptitude. 

Stramonium, Common. Disguise. 

Strawberry. Perfect excellence. 



390 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Strawberry Tree (Arbutis). Esteemed love. 

Sumac. Splendor. 

Sunflower, Fall. Pride. 

Sunflower, Dwarf. Your devout admirer. 

Sweet Sultan. Felicity. 

Sweet William. Artifice. 

Sycamore. Curiosity. 

Syringa. Memory. 

Tansy. I declare against you. 

Teasel. Misanthropy. 

Thistle. Austerity. 

Thorn Apple. Deceitful charms. 

Thorn, Black. Difficulty. 

Thorns. Severity. 

Thrift. Sympathy. 

Throatwood (Pulmonaria). Neglected beauty. 

Thyme. Activity. 

Tiger Flower. May pride befriend thee. 

Touch-me-not, Balsam. Impatience. 

Truffle. Surprise. 

Trumpet Flower. Separation. 

Tuberose. Dangerous pleasures. 

Tulip. Declaration of love. 

Tulip Tree. Rural happiness. 

Tulip, Variegated. Beautiful eyes. 

Tulip, Yellow. Hopeless love. 

Turnip. Charity. 

Valerian. Accommodating disposition. 

Venus' Flytrap. Caught at last. 

Venus' Looking-Glass. Flattery. 

Verbena. Sensibility. 

Vine. Intoxicating. 

Violet, Blue. Love. 

Violet, White. Modesty. 

Violet, Yellow. Modest worth. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWEKS. 



391 



Virgin's Bower. Filial love. 
Wall Flower. Fidelity. 
Walnut. Stratagem. 
Weeping Willow. Forsaken. 
Wheat. Prosperity. 
Woodbine. Fraternal love. 
Wood Sorrel. Joy. 
Wormwood. Absence. 
Yarrow. Cure for heartache. 
Yew. Sorrow. 
Zennre. Absent friends. 




CHAPTER XXXVII. 




PRECIOUS STONES. ' 



^ OMANCE and imagination have 
ascribed to the various precious 
stones different significations. 
Many curious and interesting 
things might be said of the 
esteem in which various per- 
sons hold this custom. For 
are very solicitous to secure 



instance, some people 

appropriate stones for presents, lest the health, life or 

prosperity of the donee should thereby be injured. 

January — Garnet. Constancy and Fidelity. 

February — Amethyst. Sincerity. 

March — Bloodstone. Courage. 

April — Sapphire. Repentance. 

May — Emerald. Success in love. 

June — Ao-ate. Health and lono- life. 

July — Ruby. Forgetfulness of, and exemption from vexations 

caused by friendship and love. 
August — Sardonyx. Conjugal Fidelity. 
September — Chrysolite. Freedom from evil passions and 

sadness of the mind. 
October — Opal. Hope and Faith. 

(393) 



394 



AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 



November — Topaz. Fidelity and friendship. 

December — Turquoise. Prosperity. 

Diamond. Innocence. 

Pearl. Purity. 9 

Cornelian. Contented mind. 

Moonstone. Protects from danger. 

Heliotrope. Causing the owner to walk invisible. 




CHAPTER XXXVIII. 



TOILET RECIPES. 



TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR. 

HE hair may be made more beau- 
tiful or darkened by taking four 
ounces of good bay rum, two 
ounces of olive oil, and one dram of 
the oil of almonds ; mix and shake 
well and apply frequently. 

TO CLEANSE THE HAIR. 

Beat up the yolk of an egg with a pint of 
soft water ; apply it warm ; rub briskly 
or several minutes, and then rinse with 
clean soft water. 
Another method is to take one ounce 
Jz of borax and half an ounce of camphor. 
Powder these ingredients fine and dis- 
solve in one quart of boiling water. When 
cool, the solution will be ready for use. Dampen the 
"hair with this frequently. It is claimed that this not 
only effectually cleanses and beautifies, but strengthens 
the hair, preserves the color and prevents baldness. 

TO REMOVE DANDRUFF. 

Take a piece of gum camphor as large as a chestnut 
and place it in one pint of alcohol. This camphorizes 

(395) 




396 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

the alcohol. The mixture may be perfumed to suit 
• the individual. Wet the scalp with this daily. It 
will stimulate the scalp, promote the growth of the 
hair, and in many instances prevent it from falling 
out. 

TO PRESERVE THE HAIR. 

Men should have their hair cut short if it begins to 
fall out, give it a good brushing with a moderately 
stiff brush while the hair is dry ; then wash it well 
with a suds of castile soap and tepid water, and rub 
into the scalp, about the roots of the hair, a little bay 
rum, brandy or camphor water, twice a month. It is 
well to brush the scalp twice a week. Dampen the 
hair with pure soft water every time the toilet is made. 

TO PREVENT THE HAIR FROM TURNING GRAY. 

One-half ounce sugar of lead, one-half ounce lac 
sulphur, one ounce glycerine, one quart rain water. 
Saturate the hair and scalp with this two or three 
times per week and you will soon have a head free 
from gray hairs and dandruff, while the hair will be 
soft and glossy. 

The head should be kept cool by using, occasion- 
ally, sage tea with a little borax added. Apply with 
a small sponge to every part of the head just before 
dressing the hair. 

CURE FOR BALDNESS. 

If the head has become bald, and the hair will grow 
at all, it may be restored by washing the head well 
every morning with the following : Four large hand- 
fuls of tho. stem and the leaves of the garden-box,, 



TOILET RECIPES. 397 

boiled in three pints of water in a closely covered 
vessel for fifteen minntes, and allowed to stand in an 
earthen jar ten hours or more ; then strain the liquid 
and add one ounce and a half of cologne. 

TO RESTORE GRAY HAIR. 

Hair may be restored to its natural color and beau- 
tified by the daity use of the following : Five grains 
sulphurate of potassium, half an ounce glycerine, one 
ounce tincture of acetate of iron and one pint of soft 
water. Mix and let the bottle stand open until the 
smell of potassium has disappeared, and then add a 
few drops attar of roses. The hair should be rubbed 
with a little of this daily. 

Bathing the head in a weak solution of ammonia, 
an even teaspoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a 
quart of water, washing the head thoroughly with 
this, and brushing the hair while wet, is said to 
restore color. 

A strong solution of rock-salt has restored gray 
hair. Take two tablespoonfuls to a quart of boiling 
water, and let it stand until cool before using. 

HAIR REMOVED BY FEVERS. 

If the hair has been removed by fevers, it may be 
made to grow by washing the scalp two or three 
times a day with a strong decoction of sage leaves. 

TONIC FOR THE HAIR. 

Two ounces of French brandy, two of bay rum and 
one ounce of the best castor oil well mixed, is an 
excellent tonic for the hair. 



398 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE 

CURLING ANB CRIMPING THE HAIR. 
Most all curling fluids are mere impositions, but 
with a weak solution of isinglass a firm and perpetual 
form may be given to the hair. This solution is 
inoffensive. 

BRUSHING THE HAIR. 

The hair should be well brushed every day in order 
to keep it in perfect condition. Always use the best 
brushes ; they are the cheapest in the end. Use the 
brush very rapidly and for about five minutes. A 
celebrated beauty said, " the hair should receive one 
hundred strokes a day, and they should be applied in 
three minutes time." 

THE GERMANS' TREATMENT OF THE HAIR. 

German Avomen are noted for their luxuriant hair. 
Once every two weeks they wash the head thoroughly 
with a quart of soft water in which a handful of bran 
and a little white soap has been dissolved ; then the 
yolk of an egg^ slightly beaten, is rubbed into the 
roots of the hair ; this is let remain a few minutes, and 
then washed and rinsed carefully in soft water. The 
hair is then wiped and dried thoroughly, combed up 
from the forehead, and parted with the fingers. After 
drying, apply a little pomatum made of beef marrow 
boiled in a small quantity of olive oil slightly per- 
fumed. Do this near the fire in the winter or in a very 

warm room. 

HAIR BYE. 

A liquid that will color the human hair black and 
not stain the skin may be had by taking one part of 
bay rum, three parts of olive oil, and one part of good 
brandy by measure. Wash the hair with this mix- 



TOILET EECIPES. 399 

ture every morning. In a short time the hair will be 
a beautiful black, and not injured in the least. Mix 
in a bottle, and shake well before applying. The 
articles must be of the best quality. 

A French hair dye is made as follows : Melt together 
in a bowl set in boiling water, four ounces of white 
wax in nine ounces of olive oil, stirring in when melted 
two ounces of burnt cork in powder. To apply, put 
on old gloves, cover the shoulders carefully, and 
spread on like pomade, brushing in well through the 
hair. Gfive it a brown tint by steeping an ounce of 
walnut black, tied in coarse muslin, in the almond 
oil, one week before boiling. 

HAIR OILS AND POMADES. 

Mix equal parts sweet oil and cold pressed castor 
oil, and to each pint of the mixture add one-fourth 
pint brandy and the same of cologne. 

Procure a tall glass vessel, dip cotton wool in clear 
olive oil, and lay the cotton alternately with jessamine 
or other flowers. Let this stand several days, and 
when the flowers have imparted their perfume to the 
oil, squeeze the oil out of the cotton for use. The 
cotton may be laid in drawers or bandboxes where 
perfume is required. 

Melt one dram of white wax, one of spermaceti, and 
two ounces of olive oil ; add two ounces of rose water, 
and half an ounce of orange flower water. 

Six ounces of unsalted lard, four of beef marrow, 
and half an ounce of yellow wax melted together and 
perfumed while cooling with oil of bergamot or attar 
of roses, makes a good and excellent pomatum for 
the hair. 




(400) 



TOILET RECIPES. 401 

Four ounces of spermaceti and one of lard melted 
together and perfumed with bergamot and rose water. 

Cocoanut oil melted with a little olive oil and 
scented as preferred. 

Melt together an ounce of spermaceti, one of hog's 
lard, one of beef marrow, and add the oil of roses, 
bergamot, or any other perfume, 

FOR INFLAMED EYE LIBS. 

Cut a slice of bread as thin as possible ; toast both 
sides well, but do not burn it ; soak it in cold water 
until cold, then put it between a piece of old linen, 
changing when it gets warm. This may be applied as 
often as desired. 

Inflamed lids may be reduced by tying a small piece 
of ice in the corner of a thin handkerchief, and passing 
it back and forth over the closed eye, resting at 
intervals, when the cold is intense. This has been 
found very efficacious. 

BURNED EYEBROWS. 

If the eyebrows are burned off by the fire, they may 
be caused to grow by applying five grains sulphate of 
quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol. 

HOW TO MAKE BANBOLINE. 

Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of 
water for forty minutes, strain, and when cool add a 
few drops of scent, bottle and cork tightly. 

Boil one-fourth of an ounce of Iceland moss in a 
quart of water, and add a little rectified spirits to 
make it keep well. 

26 



402 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Mix one and a half drams of gum tragacanth and 
three ounces of rectified spirits with an equal quantity 
of water, and add half a pint of water. Add perfume, 
let the mixture stand two days and then strain. 

FOR THE CARE OF THE TEETH. 

Never allow a particle of food of any kind to remain 
between the teeth. 

Use the brush before breakfast and after each meal. 

Brush lengthwise of the teeth, or up and down, as 
well as across. 

The brush should not be too stiff nor too soft. The 
one will wear the teeth in the course of time, and the 
other will not thoroughly cleanse them. 

Pure castile soap is better than prepared powders. 

Use a goose quill toothpick freely after each meal. 

Take two ounces of myrrh in fine powder, two 
tablespoonfuls of honey, and a little sage in fine 
powder. Mix them well together, and wet the teeth 
and gums*" with a little every night and morning. This 
will keep the teeth and gums clean. 

TO CLEAN BLACK TEETH. 

Pulverize equal parts of salt and cream of tartar, and 
mix them thoroughly. After washing the teeth in the 
morning, rub them with this powder, and after a few 
such applications the blackness will disappear. 

TO CLEAN THE TEETH AND GUMS. 

Mix a little finely powdered green sage, one ounce 
of myrrh in fine powder, with two tablespoonfuls of 
honey. Every night and morning, wet the teeth and 
gums with a little of this preparation. 



TOILET RECIPES. 403 

TO BEAUTIFY THE TEETH. 

Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of boil- 
ing water, and add one teaspoonful of spirits of cam- 
phor before it is cold ; bottle for use. A teaspoonful 
of this with an equal quantity of tepid water may be 
used every time the teeth are washed. 

TOOTHACHE PEEVEXTIVE. 

Use flour of sulphur as a tooth powder every night, 
rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather hard tooth 
brush. If used also after dinner, all the better. It 
preserves the teeth, and does not communicate any 
smell whatever to the mouth. 

WASH FOR THE TEETH 

The safest, cheapest and most effective tooth wash 
is pure soft water and the finest quality of castile 
soap ; apply with a moderately stiff brush, morning 
and evening. 

TO MAKE LIP SALVE. 

Place a jar in a basin of boiling water. Melt an 
ounce each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of 
benzoin fifteen grains, and half an ounce of oil of 
almonds. Stir until the mixture is cold, and color red 
with a little alkanet root. 

RE MED Y FOR CHAPPED LIPS. 

Melt in a glass vessel, and stir with a wooden spoon 
one ounce of white wax, four ounces of oil of roses, 
and one-half ounce of spermaceti. Pour into a glass or 
china cup. Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one 
ounce of glycerine, and apply freely at night. 




iwss 



(404 



TOILET RECIPES. 409 



TO MAKE COLD CREAM. 



Twenty grains of white wax, two ounces pure oil of 
sweet almonds, one-half ounce pure glycerine, six 
drops of oil of roses ; melt the first three ingredients 
together in a shallow dish over hot water, and as it 
begins to cool add the glycerine and oil of roses, and 
strain through a piece of muslin. Beat with a silver 
spoon until cold and snowy white. 

TO REMOVE WRINKLES. 

Mix thirty- six grains of turpentine and three drams 
of alcohol. Apply and allow it to dry on the face. 
The wrinkles will be made less apparent, and possibly 
removed. 

TO REMOVE STAINS FROM THE HANDS. 

Stains made by fruit may be removed by washing 
the hands without soap, and holding them over the 
smoke of burning matches or sulphur. 

When the hands are stained with nitrate of silver, 
wash them in a solution of chloride of lime. 

FOR CHAPPED HANDS. 

Half an ounce of rice flour, three ounces of sweet 
almonds. Melt these over a slow fire, keep stirring 
until cool, and then add a few drops of rose oil. 

Apply freely at night a mixture of one ounce of 
glycerine and ten drops of carbolic acid. 

An excellent remedy for chapped hands is pure 
mutton tallow. 

Rub the hands long and well with a thick mixture 
of vinegar and Indian meal, dry them near the fire 




(410) 



TOILET RECIPES. 411 

without washing, and rub them thoroughly with 
glycerine. 

Cold cream is good for chapped hands. 

TO WHITEN THE HANDS AND ARMS. 

Melt together, in a dish over boiling water, four 
ounces of honey, two ounces of yellow wax and six 
ounces of rose water. Add one ounce of myrrh while 
hot. Before going to bed, rub this thickly over the 
skin. 

A good way to keep the hands white is to wear at 
night large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or oat 
meal, tied closely at the wrists. A lady can do a great 
deal of house work, and by wearing bran mittens 
every night, may keep her hands white and soft. 

TO WHITEN THE FINGER NAILS. 

Mix in a bottle four ounces of spring water, two 
drams of dilute sulphuric acid, one of the tincture of 
myrrh. Dip the fingers in the mixture, after washing 
the hands. Before using this mixture, remove rings 
with pearls or stones in them. 

A fine color may be given to the nails by lathering 
and washing the hands and fingers well with a scented 
soap ; then rub the nails with equal parts of cinnabar 
and emery, followed by oil of bitter almonds. 

REMEDY FOR RINGWORM. 

Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a 
walnut, in one ounce of water. Apply night and 
morning for a couple of days, and it will disappear. 

Apply a solution of the root of common narrow- 
leafed dock. Use vinegar for the solvent. 



-& i 



412 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

Wash the eruption with a. mixture of boiled tobacco 
leaves, strong lye and vinegar. 

Moisten with saliva and then apply the ashes of a 
cigar, repeating frequently until cured. 

PERSPIRATION. 

The unpleasant odor produced by perspiration is 
often the source of vexation to persons who are sub- 
ject to it. Instead of using costly ingredients and 
perfumes, wash the face, hands and arms with water 
to which has been added two tablespoonfuls of the 
compound spirits of ammonia. It will leave the skin 
as clean, sweet and fresh as one could wish. It is 
very cheap, perfectly harmless, and is recommended 
on the authority of an experienced physician. 

TO WARD OFF MOSQUITOES. 

Apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops 
carbolic acid to an ounce of glycerine. Mosquito 
bites may be instantly cured by touching them with 
this solution. Add two or three drops of the attar of 
roses to disguise the smell. The pure, crystalized 
form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the 
common preparation. 

FOR SOFT CORNS. 
Soft corns between the toes may be healed with a 
weak solution of carbolic acid. 

TO REMOVE CORNS. 

Take a lemon, cut a piece of it off, then nick it so as 
to let in the toe with corn, the pulp next the corn ; 
tie this on at night so that it can not move, and the 



TOILET RECIPES. 413 

next morning a blunt knife will remove the corn to a 
great extent. Two or three applications will cure. 

A strong solution of pearlash applied to corns will 
soften them so that they may be easily drawn out. 

INGROWING TOE NAILS. 

Cut a notch in the centre of the nail, or scrape it 
thin in the middle. 

Put a small piece of tallow in a spoon and heat it 
over a lamp until it becomes very hot. Drop two or 
three drops between the nail and granulations. The 
pain and tenderness will be at once relieved, and in a 
few days the granulations will all be gone. One or 
two applications will cure the most obstinate cases. 
If the tallow is properly heated, the operation will 
cause little, if any, pain. 

TO REMOVE WARTS. 

Dissolve two or three cents worth of sal ammoniac 
in a gill of soft water, and wet the warts frequently 
with this solution. They will disappear in a week 
or two. 

Apply a weak solution of potash in the same 
manner. 

Wash the warts two or three times a day with 
strong brine. 

REMEDY FOR CHILBLAINS. 

Apply common tar to the parts affected, and bind 
it up with cloth, so as not to interfere with wearing the 
stocking. Wear this fi\Q or six days. 

Dissolve one ounce of white vitriol in a pint of 
water, and bathe the afflicted parts very often. 




(414) 



TOILET EECIPES. 415 

Dissolve three handfuls of common salt in warm 
water, and bathe the hands and feet in this three times 
a week. 

Bathe the chilblains in strong alnm water, as hot as 
can be borne. 

When indications of chilblains first present them- 
selves, take three onnces of vinegar, one ounce of 
camphorated spirits of wine, mix and rub the parts 
affected. 

TO REMOVE STAINS FROM SILK. 

A fluid for removing greasy stains from silk, may 
be prepared by mixing two ounces of rectified spirits 
of turpentine, one-fourth ounce of absolute alcohol, 
and one-fourth ounce of sulphuric ether. 

Apply spirits of ammonia with a soft rag to remove 
acid stains from silks. 

TO REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK. 

If the soiled part is washed with ether, the grease 
will disappear. 

Faded color may be restored by passing the silks 
through a mixture of fine soap lather and pearlash. 

Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of 
powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into a 
vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the stained 
part with it and leave it to dry. 

TO REMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH AND TAR. 

Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate 
the spots with sweet oil or lard, then rub in well, and 
let it remain in a warm place for an hour. 



416 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

TO EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS. 

Chloroform is an excellent medium for the removal 
of stains of paint from clothes, etc. It is found that 
portions of dry white paint, which resisted the action 
of ether, benzole, and bi-sulphide of carbon, are at 
once dissolved by chloroform. If the paint is fresh, 
turpentine or alcohol will remove it. 

Saturate the spot with turpentine, let it remain a 
number of hours, then rub between the hands ; it will 
crumble away without injury either to the texture or 
color of any kind of woolen, cotton or silk goods. 

TO REMOVE STAINS FROM WRITE COTTON GOODS. 

Common salt rubbed on ink or fruit stains before 
they become dry will extract them. 

Apply scalding water, or hartshorn diluted with 
warm water, several times to remove fruit stains. 

To remove mildew rub in salt and some butter-milk, 
and expose to the hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon 
juice and salt are also good. As the spots become 
dry rub more on and keep the garments in the sun 
until the spots disppear. 

Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, 
should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk. 

TO REMOVE GREASE SPOTS. 

Saturate carbonate of magnesia with benzole, and 
spread upon a grease spot to about one- third of an 
inch in thickness. A sheet of porous paper should be 
spread upon the benzonated magnesia, and a flat iron, 
moderately warm, put upon the top of all. The heat 
of the iron passes through and softens the grease, 



TOILET RECIPES. 417 

which is then absorbed by the porous magnesia. 
Remove the iron in an hour and brush the magnesia 
off. 

TO REMOVE GREASE SPOTS FROM WOOLEN GOODS. 

Pulverize one ounce of borax, put into a quart of 
boiling water, and bottle for use. This is excellent. 

TO REMOVE INK SPOTS FROM LINEN. 

If the spots are comparatively fresh, apply the juice 
of lemons and wash out with warm water. 

Muriatic acid is a powerful extractor of ink stains, 
but is unsafe in the hands of others than experts. 

Apply salt immediately, and ink stains may be 
prevented. 

TO REMOVE FRUIT STAINS. 

Soak the spot some time in a mixture of ammonia 
and spirits of wine. 

Moisten fruit stains and hold over the fumes of a 
brimstone match. 

TO TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN. 

Moisten the linen with soft water, and rub the parts 
affected with white soap ; then rub powdered chalk 
well into the linen, lay it on the grass, and from time 
to time, as it becomes dry, wet a little. 

Mix soft soap with powdered starch, half as much 
salt and the juice of a lemon ; apply it to the stain 
with a brush, on both sides of the linen. Let the 
stained articles lie on the grass day and night till the 
stain comes out. 

27 



418 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

TO CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS. 

Take equal quantities of soft lye soap, alcohol or 
gin, and molasses. Put the silk on a clean table 
without creasing ; rub on the mixture with a flannel 
cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and 
hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it on the 
wrong side before it gets dry. Silks and ribbons 
treated in this way will look very nicely. 

The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled 
is very good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens and 
makes them glossy and black. 

Ribbons may be cleaned and grease taken out, with- 
out changing their color, by using camphene. Dry in 
the open air and iron when pretty dry. 

TO WASH LACE COLLARS. 

Cover a quart bottle with the leg of a soft, firm 
stocking, sewing it tightly above and below. Then 
wind the collar or lace smoothly around the covered 
bottle ; sew very carefully around the edge of the 
collar or lace with a fine needle and thread, making 
every loop fast to the stocking. Shake the bottle up 
and down in a pailful of warm soapsuds, and rub the 
soiled places occasionally with a soft sponge. Rinse 
well the same way in clean water. When the lace is 
clean, apply a weak solution of gum arabic and place 
the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take ofl* the lace 
carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay 
it between the leaves of a heavy book ; or, iron on 
flannel between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. If 
lace collars are done up in this way they will wear 
longer, remain clean longer, and" have a rich, new,, 
lacy look. 



TOILET KECIPES. 419 

HO W TO WHITEN LINEN. 

Fruit stains, iron rust and other stains may be 
removed by applying a weak solution of the chloride 
of lime after the cloth has been well washed. Rinse 
in soft, clear, warm water, without soap, and imme- 
diately dry in the sun. 

Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the 
same result. 

TO CLEAN WOOLEN. 

Immerse the garment in three gallons of cold water, 
into which has been put one ox-gall, and squeeze or 
pound (not wring) it, until the spots are removed ; 
then thoroughly wash in cold water to remove the 
odor of gall. 

TO CLEAN KID GLOVES. 

Put the gloves on and wash them as if you were 
washing your hands in a basin of turpentine. Hang 
them up in a current of air, or in a warm place, where 
the smell of the turpentine may be carried away. 

Mix one-fourth of an ounce of fluid chloroform, one- 
fourth ounce of carbonate of ammonia, one-fourth 
ounce sulphuric ether, and one quart distilled ben- 
zine. Pour out a small quantity into a saucer, put 
on gloves, and wash as if washing hands, changing 
solution until gloves are clean ; take off, squeeze 
them, replace on hands, and with a clean cloth rub 
fingers until they are perfectly fitted to the hand. 
This solution is excellent for cleaning clothes, ribbons 
and silks. Apply with soft sponge, rubbing gently 
until spots disappear. Do not use close to the fire, as 
the benzine is very inflammable. 




(420) 



TOILET RECIPES. 421 

TO GLEAN KID BOOTS. 

Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle so that 
it may be well shaken up when required for use. 
Apply to the boot with a piece of sponge, and rub 
dry. It is better to rub with the palm of the hand. 
When the boot shows signs of cracking, rub in a few 
drops of sweet oil. Polish the soles and heels with 
common blacking. 

TO CLEAN PATENT LEATHER BOOTS. 

Remove all the dirt upon the boots with a sponge 
or flannel, then rub them with a paste consisting of 
two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed oil. Warm 
both before mixing. Polish with a soft cloth. 

FOB BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES. 

While still hot, spread soft soap upon them. 
When cold, wash it off. The leather may thus be 
made nearly as good as ever. The soap softens the 
leather and prevents it drawing up. 

TO CLEAN JEWELRY. 

The best way to clean gold ornaments is to wash 
them with warm water and soap, using a soft nail 
brush to scrub them with. Dry them in box sawdust, 
and let them remain in a bed of this before the fire for 
awhile. Treat imitation jewelry in the same manner. 

FOR CLEANING SILVER AND PLATED WARE. 

Use the finest impalpable whitening with a little 
soft water. Next, wash with rain water, dry and 
polish with a piece of soft leather, some rough powder 



422 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. 

or fine whitening, and finally rub down with the hand. 
Avoid all violent rubbing, also the use, in cleaning it, 
of any ingredient which would wear the silver. 

HOW LADIES CAN MAKE THEIR OWN PERFUMES. 

If we spread fresh, unsalted butter upon the inside 
of two dessert plates, and then fill one of the plates, 
with gathered fragrant blossoms of clematis, covering 
them over with the second greased plate, we shall find 
that after twenty -four hours the grease has become 
fragrant. The blossoms, though separated from the 
parent stem, do not die for some time, but live to 
exhale odor, which is absorbed by the fat. To remove 
the odor from the fat, the fat must be scraped off the 
plates and put into alcohol ; the odor then leaves the 
grease and enters into the spirit, which thus becomes 
" scent," and the grease again becomes colorless. The 
flower farmers of the Var follow precisely this method 
on a very large scale, making but a little practical vari- 
ation, with the following flowers : rose, orange, acacia, 
violet, jasmine, tube rose and jonquil. 

TINCTURE OF ROSES. 

Take the leaves of the common rose (centifolia) and 
place, without pressing them, in a common bottle ; 
pour some good spirits of wine upon them, close the 
bottle, and let it stand till required for use. This 
tincture will keep for years, and yield a perfume little 
inferior to attar of roses ; a few drops of it will suffice 
to impregnate the atmosphere of a room with a delic- 
ious odor. Common vinegar is greatly improved by a 
very small quantity being added to it. 



TOILET KECIPES. 423 

POTPOURRI. 

Take three handfuls of orange flowers, three of 
cloves, carnations or pinks, three of damask roses, 
one of marjoram, one of lemon thyme, six bay leaves, 
a handful of rosemary, one of myrtle, half a handful 
of mint, one of lavender, the rind of a lemon, and a 
quarter of an ounce of cloves. Chop these all up, and 
place them in layers, with bay salt between the layers, 
until the jar is full. Do not forget to throw in the bay 
salt with each new ingredient put in, should it not be 
convenient to procure at once all the required articles. 
The perfume is very fine. 

HOW TO MAKE ROSE WATER. 

Take two drams of magnesia and one-half an ounce 
of powdered white sugar. Mix with these, twelve 
drops of attar of roses; add two ounces of alcohol, 
and a quart of water ; mix gradually and filter through 
blotting paper. 

PUTTING AW AT FURS FOR THE SUMMER. 

Sun them well and sprinkle with ground black pep- 
per. Pack them securely in paper flour sacks and 
tie them up well. 

PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS. 

Clothes closets that have been infested with moths 
should be well rubbed with a decoction of tobacco, 
and repeatedly sprinkled with spirits of camphor. 

A few pieces of paper smeared with turpentine, and 
placed in drawers where furs and woolens are kept, 
will completely prevent their ravages. 



{/ >5S IS- 
424 AMERICAN ETIQUETTE. ^ */ H . 



The odor of turpentine is deadly poison to moths 
and their grubs. 

One ounce of gum camphor, and one ounce of pow- 
dered red pepper, macerated in eight ounces of strong 
alcohol for several days, then strained. Sprinkle the 
clothes or furs, and roll them up in sheets. 

TO REMOVE A TIGHT RING. 

If a ring should get tight on the finger, wind a well 
soaped string around the finger. Commence at the 
point of the finger, and wind the cord as tight as can 
be borne until the ring is reached, then force the end 
of the cord between the ring and finger ; unwind the 
string, and the ring will come off with it. 

TO LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILET BOTTLES. 

Let a drop or tw r o of pure oil flow around the 
stopper, and stand the bottle a foot or two from the 
fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not 
too hard, with the handle of a hair brush. If this is 
not effectual, use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the 
process. It will certainly succeed. 




